“Listen,” he says, taking his hand off me, “I get how pissed you must be—”
“I don’t think you do.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” A harder look settles over his face. “I’m warning you though—lay a finger on my sister and I’ll fucking kill you.”
Rock’s shoulder brushes against mine as he takes a place next to me. Rock’s my MC president. My brother by choice. He always has my back.
In spite of this fucked-up situation, I have mad respect for Alex because he doesn’t even flinch at the both of us staring him down.
Rock’s been my best friend for more than half my life. Closer than a brother. Normally, he’d answer a threat like Alex’s with a fist to his face.
Although Rock stands next to me, silently offering support, he doesn’t say a word. What Alex doesn’t understand about us is if Rock thought I’d hurt Lilly, he wouldn’t have brought me here in the first place.
I ease back an inch or two. “I ain’t gonna fuckin’ hurt her.” Shit, is that the kind of guy she told him I am? Is that how she justified keeping my son away from me? “I just want to meet my son.”
He sighs. “Please don’t upset him.”
“I don’t want to upset him.”
“Z, I’ll do whatever I can to help you…to make this right. But you have to promise me you’re going to do whatever’s best for my nephew.”
I’m not really sure what to say to that. I can’t think beyond the next five minutes. His offer seems sincere.
I nod, acknowledging his request. In the distance, my brain’s spiraling through all the ways my life’s about to change after today.
Satisfied that I won’t flip out, Alex steps aside.
Finally, I take Lilly in. My heart jumps.
Still, after all this time.
After this huge fucking betrayal that I can’t even wrap my mind around.
Ignoring the painful thudding in my chest, I take a few more steps closer.
I’ve never seen Lilly anything other than sexy and confident. Flirty. Teasing.
Now, she’s trembling. Coming apart. She opens her mouth, but I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. Any excuses or explanations. Those can come later. Nothing justifies what she’s done. What she’s stolen from me.
“What’s his name?” I ask a whole lot gentler than I’m feeling.
I can’t believe I have to ask her what my son’s name is.
She leans over and picks up our son. “Chance, this is my friend, Z. Want to say hello?”
Christ, I can’t even fucking breathe. My son. I have a son. “Hey, buddy.”
He’s shy and ducks his head against Lilly’s shoulder. I pull my hand back. Try to appear smaller. Not as threatening. I’m trying so damn hard not to scare him.
There aren’t words for this moment. Too much anger boiling up inside me. So many moments I’ve already lost. So many days with him I’ve missed out on. But I’m also overwhelmed with wanting to get to know this little guy who’s a part of me. My blood.
Even if I could express what I’m feeling, Chance wouldn’t understand. He catches sight of Hope holding baby Grace and wriggles out of Lilly’s hold. His tiny feet carry him over the grass as he races over to say hello.
“He really liked Alexa and Grace when we ran into them earlier,” Lilly says softly.
“I bet.” I can’t come up with anything else to say.
No, that’s not true. I have lots of things to say to her.
“Why, Lilly?”
She drops her head, her long hair covering her face, and shakes her head. “I was going to call you.”
“When? When he went off to college? If you hadn’t run into Hope today, would I even be here right now?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to give me the last two years back! How old is he? When is his birthday? Why did you fucking disappear?” She doesn’t answer me. I fight to bring my voice down to a more reasonable level. “I want to know my son, Lilly.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not asking.”
Finally, she picks up her head. Fire’s in her eyes and I’m ready to fight her tooth and nail if she offers up any excuses for why I can’t be in Chance’s life.
“I understand. I know how angry you must be. I’m sorry.”
It’s hard to yell at someone who’s agreeing with you and apologizing. I open my mouth to yell at her some more.
Then stop myself.
What the hell do I say now?
She glances at her brother who’s hovering over Chance while he talks excitedly with Hope and Rock, playing with baby Grace. “I know this is my fault.”
“Ya think?”
“Please hear me out. He doesn’t know you. I’m not letting him go off with you alone until he’s comfortable—”
“Yeah, fine. I’m not fucking stupid. I don’t want to do anything to upset him. But I will get to know my son, Lilly.”
She bites her lip and nods. “Once he’s comfortable with you, we can tell him. He’s little, so we won’t have to explain—”
“Explain why you hid his existence from me for two years? Yeah, I can see why that would be uncomfortable for you.” I sneer and she flinches.
“That’s not what I meant,” she whispers. She takes a second to collect herself and seems to come to some sort of decision. “I’m back at my house in Lake George. As of yesterday. My father’s in the hospital. I came home to help my mother.”
“Okaaay,” I answer slowly.
“You can come stay with us—in my spare room. When I’m sure he’s comfortable and he’ll handle it well, I’ll go stay at my mother’s so you can spend time with him…you know, without me.”
I hate myself for even thinking it, but I don’t want to do any of this without her. I would have wanted to be there for her through all of it. Do it together as a family. No fucking way will I admit it to her, though. Not today. Maybe not ever.
“Fine.” I almost say thank you. But fuck that. I’m not thanking her for shit. This is the least of what she owes me.
Three
Z
I hate like hell leaving my son behind. But Chance is thankfully oblivious. He’s more upset about saying goodbye to Grace than me.
“You’ll see her again soon,” Hope assures him. She turns her green-eyed glare on Lilly. “And often. I promise you, Chance.”
I’d laugh at Hope’s unspoken threat if so much pain hadn’t gathered in my chest.
Chance seems somewhat reassured and returns to Lilly’s side. I crouch down next to him. “I’ll be up to see you in a little bit. You cool with that?”
He turns his big blue eyes my way and smiles. All chubby cheeks and dimples. “Oh-tay.”
“Can I give you a hug?”
He tips his head back, seeking Lilly’s permission, and she nods.
At first, he’s tentative and it’s so awkward I want to crawl in a hole. Finally, he wraps his arms around my neck, and I lift him in the air.
“Weee!”
“Like that?”
He sputters with laughter and I don’t want to let go of him.
“Mommy?” He twists, seeking Lilly.
“You’re fine, I’m right here.”
In my arms, he struggles, and I reluctantly set him down.
“See you in a bit.”
“Bye, Thee!”
Back in Rock’s truck, I slam the door and stare out the windshield. “You all right?” Rock asks.
“I’m not gonna bust up your dash if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Rock snorts as if it hadn’t crossed his mind. “You wanna stay longer?”
“No. I’m gonna pack a bag and stay at her place for a few days.”
Rock lets out a relieved breath. “Good.” He slips the truck into gear and backs out of the spot. “Let’s get you home then.”
Hope sits forward, placing her hand on my shoulder. “He’s such a sweet little boy, Z.”
I ca
n’t help smiling. “He is.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
Is it? How is this ever going to be okay?
We ride in silence for a few miles. Even Grace is quiet, although, every time I turn to check on her, she seems to be staring out the window.
“What do you need, brother?” Rock asks in a low voice.
“Time.” Like the last two years of my life rewound and done over. But since that’s not something my president can give me, I ask for what he can. “I’m sorry to drop out like this, but—”