After what feels like hours of absolutely nothing from my stubborn woman, I slowly slide my hand across the table until it sits on top of hers. I hold on tightly when she tries to pull away, making her finally look up at me through narrowed eyes.
I swore to her I would never hurt her, and it crushes my soul to know I’m the one that has caused her so much pain.
I am an asshole. She deserves so much better than that.
“You wanted to talk Bull, so talk,” she says, emotionlessly tugging her hand until I let it go.
Fuck. Not good.
“I need you to know that I have nothing to hide from you,” I start, clearing my throat, “I had no idea, Angel. Absolutely no fucking idea that she was pregnant. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I thought you needed more time. I thought I should wait until I had all the information, and so I could do it in a way that saved you from hurting too bad.”
Amelia just stares at me, silently waiting for me to continue.
“Jessa’s not my girlfriend, Angel. She is not my fiancé. She’s absolutely nothing to me, just the woman I knocked up by mistake. Please tell me that you understand?”
“How would I know what is or what isn’t happening right now, Bull?” she demands. “You’ve sat on my front porch all week, not saying a damn word. She’s been at your home the last two times I’ve been there, bragging about getting married and starting a family. Please tell me what the hell I’m supposed to think. How am I supposed to believe you?”
“Because, I fucking love you, that’s how. Because you’ve been my everything since the moment I saw you. I’ve never given you a reason to doubt that.”
She hesitates as her bottom lip quivers. “She was wearing one of your shirts with your baby inside her. What was I supposed to think? She told me that you have no interest in keeping me around anymore, that I was a little bit of fun on the side, and now you’re done.”
“No baby, that’s not what’s happening at all. Ask yourself, if I was done, why would I be here, desperately trying to get you back?”
Amelia’s head falls forward, dropping down to her hands. “I’m so tired, Bull,” she mumbles into her hands. Though something tells me she’s not referring to her sleepless nights but to her restless heart.
“I know, Angel. I feel the same way.”
She looks up at me with tear-filled eyes. “There’s really nothing going on between you two?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. The day we got back from the lake was the first time I’d seen her in weeks. That’s when I found out about the baby. I hadn’t seen her since before I met you, and then she crashed at my place last night because her apartment flooded, and I couldn’t have the woman who’s pregnant with my child sleeping on a fucking park bench. I promise you, Amelia, that’s all it is. I can hardly tolerate the woman.”
She hangs her head once again, and it’s clear she’s deep in thought, trying to process everything she’s learned.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she finally says, shaking her head in disbelief. “And with her! Do you have any idea what she has done to me my entire life? Knowing she’s the one that gets to have your baby, that kills me.”
I grab hold of her chair and drag her across the tiles until she’s close enough to pull into my chest. “Trust me, I would give up everything just to have it as you carrying my child.”
Amelia nuzzles her face into my chest as I rub my hand over her back, trying to give her what comfort I possibly can. “She just stood there in your house, wearing your shirt as though she fucking belonged there,” she whispers.
Hearing her say that brings a small smile to my face. She’s jealous of Jessa in my house and in my clothes even though she has the wrong idea. What it tells me, though, is that there’s still hope. She’s still mine.
Amelia pulls back from me and looks up with her tear-streaked face. “Where can we possibly go from here? You’re having a baby with your girlfriend. I’m a single mother, remember? I know just how hard it is doing it all on your own, and I could never live with myself if I was the reason that you and her weren’t together. I couldn’t do that to you or your baby. It doesn’t matter how much I hate her. I’d never wish that struggle upon anybody.”
She’s not hearing me. She’s not even trying to hear what I’m saying.
I take Amelia’s chin and force her eyes to remain on mine. “Listen to me, baby. Jessa is not, was not, or will ever be my girlfriend. I don’t care that I sound like a complete heartless asshole, but I have nothing to hide from you. Do you hear what I’m saying, Angel?”