“Oh God,” I groan. Think, I need to think.
There’s a tap on the door, and I scream.
“Antoinette? Are you okay?” I leap out of bed, grabbing my Dicks shirt because no matter what happens, this is mine. When I open the door, Eve stands there arguing with her son, clutching his hand so that he doesn’t bolt inside.
“I need to talk to Antoinette. If you’re good, I’ll let you play with Axel’s guitars.”I stare in horror as James Dean looks around me then smiles.
“Oh Eve, is that allowed? Axel never takes them dow—” James Dean runs past me and she follows.
“It’s only for a few minutes. Dewey is coming back from running some errands, and Amy’s watching Nicole.”
A loud crash makes me jump and I hear the strumming of a guitar. “Be careful, James,” she yells. “Don’t worry. He knows what to do. Axel gives him lessons.”
“Give me a second. I’m going to change.”
“Perfect. I’ll plug him in and he’ll be busy for hours.” I nod at her back as she marches into the other room. James Dean is not bad for a kid.
“Not that one, Mommy, that one.” His sweet voice makes me smile. And then I want to cry because Axel gives James Dean lessons. I pull on some dance pants but decide to leave the Dicks shirt on. Making my way back to the other room, I stop and watch Eve listen to her son play, his cute hands strumming away.
“He’s amazing.” I sit next to her. She smells like coconut and the beach. Her long tan legs are stretched out and I look over at her.
“I’m sorry about your brother.”
She turns and smiles. “Benny’s been dead to me for years. I know everyone was so concerned about how I would respond, but when he left my dad and me to pay his debt…” She looks at her son then back to me. “I’m fine. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to apologize to you. I hope he didn’t hurt you.”
“It all happened so fast. Charlie was amazing.” I get up to grab a bottled water. “Do you want anything?” I yell over James, who’s strumming the same thing over and over again, but he seems to be into it.
“Sure.” I grab two bottles out of the refrigerator and a banana and sit back down on the floor with them.
“You think he’ll be a rocker or a Disciple?”
She laughs as his blond head bops to the music. He’s terrible, but he’s four, so there’s that.
“A Disciple for sure.”
I bite my lip because I’m ready to cry. James Dean’s cuteness is the icing on the cake. Someone knocks on the door and Eve hops up.
“That’s Dewey. Come on, baby. Mommy needs to talk to Antoinette.” She grabs ahold of his hand and he instantly pulls away and starts playing again.
“No way. Uncle Axel says when the music talks, you need to listen.” His small hand keeps strumming and the whole room is vibrating.
She rolls her eyes as she passes me. “Well, then when Uncle Axel comes home, you be sure to get him to jam with you for hours.” She opens the door to a smiling Dewey.
“Oh, nice. Concert time.” He barrels in and sits next to me, looking at James as if he’s a musical genius.
“Okay.” Eve motions for me to follow her. “Antoinette, let’s talk in the bedroom. Dewey, watch James.”
“Shh, he’s creating.” He frowns at her then at me. I stand and we head into the bedroom. She shuts the door behind her.
Eve looks around the room. Everything is clean and in its place other than the bed, which I haven’t made yet.
“I forgot how anal Axel is.” She smiles and flops down at the end of the bed.
“Here sit and cry. I can tell you’re ready to burst.” Her blue eyes reflect sympathy and that’s all it takes. Sitting next to her, I tell her everything. I’m crying so hard I don’t even know if she can understand me, but she rubs my back and listens, and I love her for that. Finally, when I have nothing left, I stop, and we sit and listen to James Dean and Dewey who seems to be banging on a drum of some sort.
“Well, okay. So, first we need to take a pregnancy test.” I try to say no, but she stops me with her hand. “You need to know and he needs to know.” She brushes the hair off my shoulder.
“If I am, I’ll have to get an abortion. I mean, he wants me gone.”
I cover my face with my hands. “Oh my God. I can’t be pregnant. He’ll think I’m trying to trap him.” I’m kind of insulting her but too drained to care.
“Sorry. But it’s true. I did not try to get pregnant.” I put my hands on my chest. “I’m twenty. I don’t want to be pregnant. How would we survive? We’d be homeless.” I jump up and start to pace.