Thirty-seven
Sofia
I hold him for the next thirty-five minutes. We say nothing until he whispers, “That was fucking crap, Sofia. It’s got nothing for you or me.”
“It took away the pain,” I whisper guiltily.
“There’s no pain for you. There is nothing that my love can’t overcome, Princess.”
I lift my head and stare deeply into his eyes, still unable to believe the words. “You love me?”
“With all my heart and soul.”
“But what about Lana?”
He frowns. “Lana? That’s what this is all about? Fucking hell, Sofia. Yes, I was secretly in love with her, but I was just a boy then. She hooked up with Blake, and sure it was difficult, but I got over it. A long time ago.”
“So that was what Lana meant when she said you surprised her twice. That she never really knew you.”
“No she never really knew me. I didn’t show her the real me. Only you have seen the real me.”
He looks at me curiously. “Who told you about Lana?”
“I wasn’t snooping or anything like that, but I was cold, so I went to get some blankets from the cupboard and,” I swallow hard, “I found your photo album. Every single photograph is just her.”
He sighs, his eyes are disappointed. “And that was enough to condemn me?”
“All those photographs. You must have been obsessed with her.”
“She was my first love, Sofia,” he says, shaking his head. “And I loved her with the desperate passion of a teenager, but people do grow up and get over their first loves. I did.”
I bite my lip. I so much want to believe him. “I remembered that you didn’t want to kiss her at the Christmas Eve party. If you didn’t have feelings for her anymore you would have.”
“I didn’t do it for three reasons. First, I don’t kiss other men’s women. Second, she is like my sister now. Her son is my godson, I have come to care about Blake, and the last thing in the world I want to do is something that would make it weird for any of us. Third, you have to be a moron to even want to go to a place that caused you nothing but pain.”
Relief pours into my body, instantly chasing away all those dark thoughts.
“Why couldn’t you have waited for me to come home and asked me instead of running to Andrew for a packet of smack?” he asks gently.
“I’m not like you, Jack. Bad things have happened to me and I fought for so long that I’m brittle. One little knock and I shatter. When I found the album I thought everything we had was a lie, and without you my life felt meaningless.”
“I didn’t live in a vacuum before you came. There will be other things that will come up. You have to learn to trust me. To come to me confident in the knowledge that nothing is more important to me than you.”
“How did you know I got the drugs from Andrew?”
“He called me to apologize. He knows better than to sell drugs to my girl.”
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”
He grasps my wrists. “You didn’t embarrass me. Nothing about you embarrasses me. But something about you hurts me deeply.”
“What?” I whisper.
“You never tell me anything about your past. You don’t have to give me any gory details but tell me something. I feel locked out from such a big part of you.”
I sigh. “It’s not that I want to lock you out, but almost everything that happened in my childhood is fraught with pain and guilt.”
“Then tell me about something that’s not fraught with pain. Tell me about your mother.”
I take a deep breath. “When I was younger sometimes when my father was being cruel to my mother I wanted to interfere. I wanted to stop him, but I never did. I was weak.” My voice begins to tremble and he wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly against his body.
“It’s okay, my love. I don’t need to know any of that. I just want to love you. That’s all.”
“There’s one last thing I haven’t told you that I really should have that first night.”
He pushes me away from his body and smiles. “Come on then, let’s hear the next great reason I shouldn’t be with you.”
I don’t return his smile. “Valdislav made videos of me … with more than one man. What if, one day, someone who has watched them comes up to us and says something?”
“Two things will happen. One, he’ll be due for an immediate visit to a qualified orthodontist. If he’s interested I can recommend a few excellent ones. Two, I’ll fucking love you even more.”
I stare at him hardly daring to breathe. “You won’t be ashamed of me?”
“Ashamed? What the fuck are you talking about? That’s the last thing I feel. Hell, I’m so proud of you I want to shout from the rooftops that you’re mine.”
“Why? I’m nothing special.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I could never describe how special you are to me. Just like the bird can never tell the fish how it feels to have the wind in its wings.”
I stare at him. It’s almost too good to be true.
“I’m that song you’ve never sung, Sofia. You don’t know the notes we can reach together. Try me. I promise you will never regret it.”
“What about kids?”
“What about them?”
“What will we tell them?”
“We’ll teach our children well so that one day if we have to tell them they will be filled with nothing except great love and compassion for their brave mother.”
Tears begin to roll down my cheeks.
He pulls me into his arms. “There is nothing we cannot beat together. Nothing. You hear me, Sofia Seagull. Absolutely nothing.”
Thirty-eight
Jack
“God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately
not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
- Robin Williams (1951-2014)
I arrange to take her to meet my mother. She dresses in a black and green dress which she believes is formal and conservative.
“How do I look?” she asks anxiously.
I don’t tell her that I find it mind-numbingly distracting. She is wearing stockings for later and I can see the slight bulge through the material that clings to her thighs. I know exactly what I will be doing later.
“Very formal.”
“Do you think it is too formal?” she worries instantly.
“No. It’s just perfect.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
She smooths the skirt over her thighs with her hands and the fasteners bulge out again. My cock twitches restlessly. I’d kill to take her to bed right now, but she’s too wound up
.
“You’d tell me if I was over-dressed, wouldn’t you?” she asks anxiously.
My eyes trail reluctantly from her thighs up to her eyes. “Absolutely.”
“Are you taking the piss, Jack Irish?”
I grin. “I wouldn’t dare.”
She looks at me earnestly. “This is very important to me. I want to make a good impression.”
“Don’t worry, Princess. She’ll love you.”
“How can you be sure, though?”
“My mother’s been nagging me to bring a girl home for years.”
“When was the last time you brought a girl home?”
I shrug. “Never.”
“Really?”
“Yup.”
“Are there any topics I should avoid, or any last minute advice of how to handle her?”
I think about it. “Don’t say anything bad about Bon Jovi.”
She smiles. “Bon Jovi?”
I raise my eyebrows. “She’s frighteningly passionate about him.”
“Anything else?”
“She loves her home. I’ve tried to get her out of it into a bigger place in a better address, and she has consistently refused so say something nice about it if you can.”
She nods solemnly, her brow creased in concentration. Anyone would think I was giving her the keys to a kingdom.
“Oh, and compliment her on her cooking. She likes that.”
“Okay. What else?”
“Do your Irish accent impersonation.”
“Are you sure she won’t be insulted?”
I grin. “She’ll be a fan for life.”
Sofia
We climb up two flights of stairs and walk along an open corridor to reach Jack’s mother’s apartment. Jack looks down at me.
“Relax,” he says.
I smile nervously. I don’t know why I am so terrified she won’t like me.