‘Why does it hate you?’
‘Because I exist.’
I froze, stunned. It was not at all as I had thought. There was something terribly wrong here. All my assumptions were turning out to be a lie. There was a world of secrets going on behind the façade of wealth, glamor and respectability. She lived in a world of mystery.
It was far bigger, by far bigger than my fatal attraction to my patient. I glanced at my watch. Our time was almost up. I stood at a crossroad. Did I take her on or set her adrift? She was a prostitute. Of that there was no doubt, and yet she was calling out to me to help her. If I made a mistake with the Swanson heir another humungous disgrace awaited me. But I had survived that once and I could do it again.
My life was ruined anyway—this was my chance to do the right thing. There was a cloak of malevolence that enveloped not only her, but me, too. That sin had touched me and if I did not do something I would be responsible for its total and complete warp of her. It was not by accident that she had come to me. Once before I did not see what was in front of me, but this time I would not fail.
The mind buries memories that are too traumatic for it to cope with. It was a mechanism of sanity, preservation. Letting her remember what she had seen under hypnosis could bring harm on two fronts. First, she would have to deal with something she had no idea about. Her prostitution. Second, and perhaps more important, I would almost immediately be accused of nurturing false memories. I needed time to work on her properly. I knew what I had to do.
‘Walk away from the corridor, Olivia. Walk back to the party. Walk back to where there is cake and sweets and jelly and the bouncy castle.’
A smile came into her face. In the blue light she became a child again.
‘At the count of five you will wake up relaxed and feeling wonderful, feeling so much better than you have done for a long time. And you will remember nothing of your journey back into the past. Remember, when I have counted to five you will wake with no memory of what happened during your hypnosis session.’
I paused to let it sink in and then I spoke again. ‘One… You are returning into your body… Two… Sensations are coming back… Three… Feel all of you return… Four… You feel wide-awake, happy and energetic… Five.
She opened her enormous eyes and looked directly at me and I felt an electric current run through me. For interminable seconds we stared at each other. I could not tear my eyes away. My ears buzzed. And then I remembered myself. I pulled my gaze away.
‘How do you feel about your first session?’ I asked, standing up and touching the light switch.
Harsh yellow light flooded into the small room. The space was no longer intimate and bristling with sexual tension.
She blinked in the strong light and licked her lower lip. ‘I think it didn’t work. I think I dozed off,’ she said slowly. When her eyes had become accustomed to the light she looked at me with a quizzical, puzzled expression.
I knew instantly what was troubling her. Women clients were always falling for me. It was natural for a patient to confuse their feelings of gratitude for feeling good with feelings of love. The thing that kept them at bay was my total detachment. But I had looked into her eyes just now and allowed her to see that she affected me. That something had passed between us. I had to put that distance back. If I was going to help her I had to draw the lines quickly, or I could totally me
ss her up.
‘What is important after the first session is how you feel. How do you feel?’ My voice was purely professional. A solicitous care for my client.
‘I feel great. Better than I’ve done for a long time actually,’ she admitted, a trace of confusion and sexual awakening in her eyes.
‘Good,’ I said decisively, and started to walk toward the door. ‘When you feel able to, please join me in my office.’
I sat at my desk and pretended to make notes in her file. In fact, I was writing nonsense. I never made notes while the client was around. Especially when I had the recording of the entire session.
She came out and sat opposite me. ‘Tell me the truth. That was a failure, wasn’t it?’ she asked.
I looked up at her. ‘Not at all. It was exactly what I expected. I was laying the groundwork. We didn’t do any regression yet. We will be doing that during your next appointment. The important thing is how you feel.’
‘I feel great,’ she said slowly.
‘Then the session was a success,’ I said and smiled politely. Awkwardness quickly stretched between us. ‘This will be the end of our first session,’ I said and standing up, started walking toward the door. It must have looked strange, but I just wanted it to be over.
She followed me out.
‘Let me get your coat,’ Beryl said, jumping up from behind her station. She came back holding up a long dark coat, its discreet silk and cashmere tag showing.
‘Thank you,’ Lady Olivia said, and slid her arms into it.
‘Well, I’ll say goodnight,’ I said.
‘Goodnight and thank you, Dr. Kane,’ she replied softly.
I nodded and, turning away, went back to my office.