‘Who is Blanca?’ I asked.
‘She is the housekeeper.’
‘What happens next?’
‘She holds out a wrapped box. “I’ve a present for you,” she says. “What is it?” I ask. “I can’t afford anything expensive, but I got you this,” she says with a huge smile and gives me her gift. I tear it open. It’s a doll with blonde hair. I feel nothing inside me, but I smile at her and open my arms for a hug. “Thank you, Blanca. I love it.” She hugs me tightly and smiles happily. “Off you go then and enjoy your birthday,” she says and I move through the kitchen holding the doll to my chest. I go up the servants’ stairs and walk along the corridor. It’s cold and dark.’
‘Where are you going, Olivia?’ I asked.
‘I’m going up to my bedroom in the tower.’
‘Your bedroom is in the tower?’ I asked incredulously.
‘Yes. I wanted it that way. I wanted to be a princess in a tower.’
Her face changed suddenly. ‘Oh no,’ she gasped. ‘Someone has come into the corridor. It’s going to happen again,’ she moaned. Her eyelids fluttered and she whimpered anxiously. Her mouth twisted into a grimace of terror.
‘You’re safe, Olivia. You’re completely safe. Nothing can hurt you. You’re not there. You can watch it all from a safe distance. There is no danger now. Stay calm. Stay relaxed.’
She breathed out through her mouth.
‘Are you alone?’
‘No,’ she breathed.
I stared at her. ‘Who is there with you?’
She shivered. ‘Can I go back?’
‘Just tell me who is there with you?’
‘I don’t want to look,’ she cried feebly.
‘There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I want you to relax and go deeper into the darkness. Nothing there can hurt you. And when you are ready just take one little look.’
Her lower lips trembled and her legs began to paddle as if she was trying to swim out of her situation. I realized that she was in danger of being torn out of her hypnotic trance, which would be very dangerous. It would drop her into a deep depression, but I simply could not leave it be.
‘Nothing can hurt you,’ I insisted, my voice trembling. ‘Tell me what you see.’
‘I don’t want to. I don’t want to.’ Then she went rigid. Her face was like a mask. ‘The white owl is here,’ she shrieked, her voice so thin and eerie I felt dread like cold water down my back.
‘What is the white owl doing?’
Her eyelids twitched and she began gasping for breath. ‘Watching me. Always watching me.’ Her fingers trembled.
What the hell is going on? I knew memories that were too traumatic and frightening were hidden away and covered over with less frightening images. Even in hypnosis this was the brain’s final attempt at protecting the individual from the trauma or the suppressed memory. The secret that must be protected at all costs. In order to avoid seeing the perpetrator the patient conjures up dream material or animals.
‘It’s all right. You don’t have to go forward. You can go back to the darkness to where the owl cannot see you.’
I waited until she had stopped trembling.
‘Can the owl see you now?’
She shook her head.
‘Good. Describe the white owl to me.’
‘It is big and white with staring eyes. It sees everything… Everything.’ Her teeth showed her lips drawn back in an odd grimace. ‘It hates me.’