He’s watching me so closely, I know I’m not convincing him, but Hades finally nods. “As I said, you have my utmost apologies. This happened under my watch and it shouldn’t have.”
“You’re right. It shouldn’t have. I expect recompense beyond you playing with your boyfriend.” I turn and stalk out the door, every step making the pain in my chest spike higher.
I don’t remember what happens next. I should remember. I am the one in control, the one that my people lean on. I can’t afford to buckle, no matter how much it hurts to know that someone I care about deeply left me.
It seems like one moment we’re in the entranceway to the Underworld and the next we’re back at my apartment. Alaric leads me through the door, keeping a firm hold on my hand. I stare down at our interlaced fingers. “You should go, too.”
He stops short and looks at me. “What?”
I try to stifle the words, try to keep control, but I can’t seem to stop myself. “You love her. She’ll have you without me in the picture. You should go. Be happy. Have babies and the white picket fence you won’t admit you want.”
Alaric takes my shoulder, gripping me nearly hard enough to hurt. “Ursa.”
“What?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
I blink at him. “What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me.” He glares down at me. “You don’t think that I’m hurting because she left? I fucking am. But Zuri made her choice, and I made mine the second I fell in love with you. This is the life I want, and hell yes, I want her in it, but I want you. Full stop. With or without her in it, I want a life with you.”
To my horror, my lower lip quivers. “I wanted her with us.”
His expression softens. “I know. I did, too.” Slowly, as if he’s expecting me to reject him, Alaric pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around me. “But we don’t know for sure that she left of her own will. We could—”
“No.” I speak against his chest. I can’t quite bring myself to lift my head. “No. If she was taken, Hades wouldn’t apologize like he did. He would have mobilized his people to get her back in order to preserve his reputation.”
Alaric is so tense, he might as well be made of stone. “You’re right. I fucking hate that you’re right.”
“She left.” It hurts to say the words. I fight to be so hard, so untouchable, and this slip of a girl knocked me astray in the course of a few days. I’ve seen it happen to others, of course, but I never thought I’d be struck down by something as mundane as love. “We will respect her choice.”
“But—”
“No.” I finally lift my head. “No, Alaric. She made her choice, and we will respect it.”
He holds me tighter. “What about your revenge?”
Funny, but I hadn’t even thought about my revenge until now. I wanted to make Triton twist and squirm and feel even a portion of the agony he put me through. It all feels so fucking hollow right now. “I don’t know.” I reach up and cup his face. “I’m sorry. I should be strong for you and—”
“No.” He pulls me closer yet, holding me as if he’s afraid I might shatter into a million pieces if he lets go. I’m not sure he’s wrong. “No,” Alaric repeats. “You’ve been my rock for as long as I’ve known you. You don’t have to be strong right now. I can be strong for both of us.”
I don’t know how to let go, but I don’t seem to have a choice right now. “I just met her. I shouldn’t be this twisted up over a near-stranger.”
“Zuri has a way of getting beneath a person’s skin.” His smile holds no joy. “Let’s go to bed. Maybe things will look different in the morning.”
They won’t, though. When the sun rises, the facts will remain the same. Zuri chose to walk away before the contract was up rather than be with us another minute. I thought she was truly considering a future with us, but obviously something changed. Or perhaps I never had a good read on her to begin with. I don’t know. I won’t find any answers tonight, though.
It feels strange to get ready for bed with Alaric beside me. To brush our teeth and undress. To wrap my hair and climb into bed with another person. I lie there, hurting and raw and unable to vocalize what I need. Somehow, he knows.
Alaric tucks me against his chest and wraps his arms around me. He holds me close, using his body to brace mine. “I have you, Ursa. I love you.”
For the first time in as long as I can remember, my walls crumble away to dust. The first tear catches me by surprise, but more quickly follow. I don’t say a word. I don’t think I can.