“Sometimes in life, you take what you can,” she said. “I have to go. Be safe.”
And she was gone. The line dead. I’d hit a no-fly zone. Worse, her words made me think about myself. Was that how I was? Accepting what I got and not pushing for more? It was true of my relationship with her. I understood after all of these years that she was incapable of giving more. But was she?
“A penny for your thoughts.”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. Grant sat on the floor opposite me, shirtless like we were on a beach and not sitting in front of a fire. I pushed at my damp hair as I wrestled my heart back in my chest.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. “You were staring off in space.”
How long had I sat there after my conversation with Mom had ended?
“Just thinking,” I said.
“Care to share? I’m a good listener. Is it about your grandmother?”
Firelight flickered in his eyes and I couldn’t read him. Yet, I found myself spilling secrets I hadn’t been able to share with anyone because of the nature of my parentage.
“No. Not this time. It’s my mom. She’s sort of a loner. Though if you ask anyone in her family, they would diagnose her with high-functioning autism.”
“What do you think?” he asked with no judgment.
“I think she can be cold, doesn’t like simple touches like hugging, so I guess I could agree, but I’m not a doctor.”
“And this is what’s bothering you?”
“Not exactly. I’m more worried that she’s invested in a friendship with my father that can lead nowhere.”
“And that’s a problem why?”
Though his brow arched, I didn’t feel under scrutiny. More like he was just having a conversation with me.
“He’s married, for one. But I guess I should start at the beginning.” I’d never once been able to talk about my parents’ relationship because no one knew who my father was and the circumstances of my birth. “No matter what you might have heard from Sophia—”
“She didn’t talk about her family.”
I nodded. “Well, her mom and our dad were separated. Her mom left, claiming my father wasn’t giving her enough of his time. His excuse was he was building a business for the future. He’d been apart from her for months before his path crossed with my mom.”
I took a breath, feeling myself unload on poor Grant.
“She was consulting with his firm and they met over numbers, something Mom loves. She’s an accountant, or rather a CPA. All that I got from her. This next part I don’t know for sure, but knowing her, it took her a while to see his interest. She’s quite clueless about that, even though she’s beautiful. He wore her down over time and, well, eventually word got back to Madeline. That’s Sophia’s Mom.”
This was part of the story I pieced together based on human nature and the chain of events.
“She decided she wanted him back. Told him she was pregnant, and he had a duty to his family to work things out with her.”
“He did,” he surmised.
“Yeah. He went back to her.” I paused for a second before continuing. “The way Mom tells it, she was fine. But my guess is the opposite. However, she is pragmatic. Being the realist she is, when she found out she was pregnant, she told him without demanding anything. If fact, she told him he owed her nothing.”
Grant’s forehead creased. “Sophia’s older than you?” I shook my head as the story got more complicated from here. “You have another sibling?”
“I have two older brothers, but they were born before Mom came into the picture.”
“So?” he questioned.
“This is a guess, but I think Madeline lied to get Christian back.”
“Christian?”
“Sorry, I don’t really call him Dad. Anyway, I think she lied, and when she found out Mom was pregnant, she worked on getting herself knocked up.”
“The truth would come out.”
“Exactly. But she’s smart. She told him she miscarried, but didn’t tell him out of fear because Mom was pregnant. Then suddenly she did get pregnant and he had to stay with her and the kids.”
“He did,” he said.
“He did,” I echoed. “I also think that his feelings for Mom and hers too haven’t exactly died. Mom would never cross any lines, but I worry she’s not been with anyone else because she loves him that much.”
“You did say she might be autistic.”
“True. Which is why it’s hard for her to get close to anyone.”
“Including you?”
I nodded because I could feel tears brimming in my eyes. “What about you? Where’s your mom?”
He shifted and I noticed for the first time the towel wrapped around his hips.
“Mom left when I was six or so.”
I remembered him telling me that before. Yet, I still asked the question. “Do you see her?”
“Nope. She left without looking back.”