I want that, to be useful.
Worth something.
I sigh, licking my lips as I pull a full breath through my nostrils.
The shuffle of feet catches my attention, and I roll my neck against the chair cushion to find Rolland, the man who helped me hide in plain sight, walking up.
I never told him who I really was, daughter of the man he hated, only how I grew inside the walls of the Graven estate until I was traded.
I never told him to who.
Rolland slides his hands in his pockets, looking across the orchards in front of us. “You don’t have to stay out here.”
“Yes, I do.”
“This is your home, too.”
I nod. “It will be.”
A small smile finds his lips, and he slowly lowers into the seat beside me. “I’m glad you feel that way.”
The cloud of uncertainty surrounding me must be suffocating him the same as he says, “I assume you realize now.”
“That you knew I was a product of the enemy, Graven, by dirty blood, all along?” My eyes slide his way a moment, but I quickly look away.
“I’ll admit, I wasn’t positive, but I had a feeling, maybe even a bit of hope, you were the child of the woman I tried to free.”
“What does that mean?” I ask him, having never actually held a conversation worth anything with Maria. I had learned bits and pieces of this, but nothing means a damn thing when it doesn’t come directly from the mouth who knows the full truth. “Free her, how exactly?”
“Your mother worked as a Graven maid, she was... their property, as far as property goes, and Donley threw her out like garbage when he learned she was pregnant with a girl when all he was after was a son. Maybell brought her to me, and I offered her a home, a safe place to make a living and raise her child, you, once you were born.” He looks to me. “Unfortunately, she never had the chance. I believe you know why...”
“He took me from her hospital bedside.” I shrug. It’s not sad, it’s reality. “Why’d you let her back in your home after that?”
His forehead creases and he glances away. “Guilt, maybe. I’m not sure anymore.”
“And that was enough for you to slip me in past your sons?”
“I gave them a file as I do every time we add to the group homes. All I did was simplify your past.”
Simplify, right.
As if ‘abusive home’ and ‘absent parents’ even comes close.
I watch for a sign of a lie as I ask, “Do you have a real file on me, Rolland?”
He shakes his head. “Not for the lack of searching,” he admits. “You’re not in the system, Victoria. You don’t even have a birth certificate on file, it’s how I suspected there was more to you than you shared. Technically, you don’t exist, but we can change that, if you’d like.”
A long moment of silence stretches between us, and when he realizes I have no comment on his last statement, Rolland inhales deeply, dejection clear as crystal in his tone. “I knew the risk I was taking allowing you into the Bray house. You came as a secret, that meant you must have had more. I assume we’ve only brushed the surface.”
“You only learned what I’ve allowed you to, and nothing more,” I tell him bluntly, my eyes connecting with his and holding. “Many of the things I know have no weight on this place... but many do.”
There is so much the boys don’t know, things the Brayshaws likely thought they’d long buried, but that’s the thing about secrets, it takes two to have one.
Or so the naïve believe.
The only way to bury the truth is to bury the man, the manipulator, and the predecessor.
How they forget, I don’t know, but...
For every burning king, there’s a boy who rises from the ash.
That’s how kingdoms work.
That is the exact reason I haven’t dropped to my knees and let all my secrets pour from my mouth.
This family’s strength, while unwavering and unparalleled, wasn’t built on loyalty as most believe.
It was built on blood and betrayal.
My truths will hurt some, break many, and might just lead one Brayshaw to the grave, but greed is a cunning bastard, and I’m its newest victim.
I could leave and take my secrets with me, but I won’t.
I want in, and not just for Captain, for me, too.
I’ll tell them when they’re ready for more and let the consequences fall where they may.
I drop my head back. “Did your PI really find nothing on me?”
He fights a smirk. “Nothing. I had thought Mero died long ago, so I never would have thought to look for clues that could lead to him. They hid you well. Both my brother and your father.”
I nod. “Mero was careful, sure, but it was Donley who gets most of the credit. I would spot people trailing or watching us, and I knew who they were sent by. Mero knew too, but he didn’t care. To him it was like free security. He pretended never to notice, but he saw everything. Donley pretty much cleaned up any crumb he might have left behind. He allowed no room for chances.”