Mainly, I realized that I was being a shithead. High on my anger toward Chris and still bitter about never fully recovering from Adam, I’d just acted like a brat, when all Adam had done was do me a huge favor I didn’t deserve.
“Hey there.” I smiled, putting my laptop down on the coffee table and standing up awkwardly. Adam frowned, but didn’t offer me any words. My new, schizophrenic congeniality obviously wasn’t appreciated. He ambled into the kitchen, throwing the fridge open and grabbing a beer. He popped it open and took a long draw, leaning against the stark white countertop and staring like he was contemplating what to do with me.
“So. Um, I’ve been reflecting on our reunion, and perhaps I was a little, okay—a lot—thorny, even after the apology I gave you. I wasn’t in the right headspace when I got here. Plus, I never really thought I’d see you again. I was pretty surprised you agreed to let me stay here.” I stopped, gauging his reaction. His response never came. He took another pull of his beer, watching me with those hooded, dark eyes that made me feel like I was evaporating into smoke.
“Please say something.” I winced. “Anything?”
“Thank you for your apology”—he pointed at me with the hand that held the beer—“however, I do not accept it.”
“What?” I blinked. He put his beer down on the counter and waltzed past me, his arm brushing my shoulder.
“I didn’t hear the words ‘apologize’ or ‘sorry’ in your long-ass speech. It was a cop-out explanation, which sounded more like an excuse. Just to be clear—you’ve hurt me, Nika. Not just physically—my balls still resent my dick for liking you—but also for shutting me down all those years ago. You being here is a solid for Val. Don’t mistake my generosity for sympathy, because I have none. I loved you, and you smashed my heart into dust. Nothing can change that. Definitely not a half-assed apology.”
He charged to his room. I chased him.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to stop him. “I never apologized for kneeing you in the balls and I never will. You fingered someone else in front of me.”
He turned around sharply, pinning me to his wall and growling in my face.
“No, I didn’t, Nika. I fucking pretended to. We did that as a joke, Maya and I. I knew you were looking and wanted you to finally snap out of your goddamn bullshit and own up to your feelings. She did me a solid.”
I felt the air leaving my lungs and my eyes widening in shock. He boxed me to the wall, his arms on each side of my head. I had nowhere to run. Not that I wanted to. For the first time since we’d met, we communicated our feelings with words and not slow grinding.
“I knew I was heading to New York the week after, and I didn’t want to leave things hanging. At that point I’d have taken anything you had to offer me. Be it a goodbye kiss or a long-distance relationship. But I wasn’t sure if you were into me. Not the way I was into you, anyway. I didn’t know if you were in love with me or with the idea of having a senior dude constantly chasing you. I wanted to make you jealous.” His eyes dropped to my mouth as he licked his own lips. “And I did. I was going to tell you the truth about Maya, if you’d have let me put a fucking word in. But no. You went for my nuts instead.”
I blinked at him in horror. “You didn’t really do it?”
If there was a stupidity contest, I wanted in. I hoped there was a cash prize. I could definitely do with a nice boost to my savings account.
Adam pushed off the wall, spinning on his heel and advancing back to his room. I tailed him. “Of course I didn’t finger her. I was half-obsessed with you.”
“What about the other half?” I asked jokingly.
“The other half knew you were going to break my heart, and damn, do I beat myself up every day for not listening to it.”
I was at his heel again, feeling like a foolish puppy, riding a dangerous high full of affirmation. There was also a sweet, dreadful ache for the time we’d lost together laced into that feeling. Before I managed to get into his room, he slammed the double doors in my face.
“Sorry, Nika,” he warned from the other side of the door. “I’m never putting myself through this again.”
“Through what?”
“Pining for you and wondering how you feel.”
“It’s been a decade. I’ve changed.”
“You greeted me with ‘I thought you were in New York’. For the record, my pathetic ass was going for a hug prior to that. We’re obviously still playing the cat and mouse thing. Spoiler alert: I’m Tom, and I’m getting hammered and injured by little cunning Jerry. No more.”