"Why is your life worth less than mine?"
"It isn't. I have centuries of experience and you cannot hope to catch up. Truthfully, Emeline, you are the other half of my soul. I am what you need and you are what I need. Blaze is what Maksim needs. I cannot have a warrior for a partner. I cannot." He shook his head and his golden eyes were back on hers. Holding hers. Waiting for judgment. Waiting for her to tell him she couldn't live with him the way he was.
Emeline wanted to reassure him, but first, she had to know in her own heart if she could live with the man he was. She would be forever tucked away while he went into battle. He would never stop. Not because he had a lifemate and not when he had children. Fighting the vampire was ingrained in him. He would never stop, and she would always worry.
Would it be better if she fought at his side? She wasn't like Blaze. She never had been. She didn't like confrontation and she certainly, despite being taught by Blaze's father, didn't like to fight. Still, to know Dragomir was in danger and she could do nothing . . . If he was injured and she was locked away, she would go crazy.
She shook her head. "We have to find a compromise, Dragomir. I'm fine with not going into battle. I don't want to face a vampire ever again. I don't. On the other hand, I have to be able to defend my children, my life and yours if necessary. I can't be a little mouse sitting at home waiting for my big bad warrior to return."
"I have never thought of you as a little mouse," he denied. "I want you to be able to defend yourself, the children and me, if necessary. What I don't want is for you to make a rash decision because, like last night, things look grim. You would have to give me your word you would look to me for guidance in a situation."
"Then you would have to give me your word you would call to me if help was needed even in the worst situation."
"Do you understand what happens to the male Carpathian if his lifemate dies?"
She shook her head slowly. Something about the way he asked the question made her heart beat faster. She was fairly certain she wasn't going to like his answer.
"We have two choices. We suicide, or we turn vampire. It happens fast. One can't take the sudden change, from light to complete darkness. Everything gone after having everything beautiful. Can you imagine what kind of vampire I would be with the knowledge stored in my head? I would wreak havoc on the world, Emeline. That is one of my greatest fears. It always has been. That's why I chose the brotherhood. Living in the monastery when I reached the point of no return rather than chancing turning vampire."
"You wouldn't."
"If you were gone, I would."
She heard the conviction in his voice. Why was she throwing up arguments? "I'm not Blaze. I don't want to fight vampires. I just want you to understand that I have to make my own choices. You need to explain to me the things you need to make you happy. I have to be the one to make the choice. You can't force me. That's a dictatorship, not a partnership."
"I understand the kind of man I am, Emeline."
Again, she could hear sorrow in his voice. He didn't believe she could accept who he was. He believed she would reject him. Her breath rushed out of her lungs. She understood that feeling. She'd had it all her life. She'd lived without acceptance. He had given her unconditional acceptance to be who she was.
She detested fighting. She always had; as far back as she could remember, she'd had to fight off men, fight for food, fight for the right to be educated. Dragomir knew all those things about her, because unlike her, he'd looked into her memories and taken those things into consideration. She'd been a coward and hadn't considered his memories. She hadn't wanted to see the stark ugliness of his life, but if she'd bothered to learn everything she could about him, she would know what he needed.
She took a deep breath. Whatever commitment she made, he would expect her to keep. If she gave her word, she should expect to keep it as well. Could she? If there was danger, as there had been the night before, to the children, to the other women, to him, would she be able to stay in her house and let him--and any others--go into battle without her?
"I want to give you my word. I know you need that from me."
"But you can't."
"Not yet," she admitted reluctantly. "I need to get to a place where I know how all this works before I can give you my word of honor."
"Can you accept me putting you in a safe position, Emeline? Because I will. Make no mistake about it, I will safeguard you every single battle until I have your word that you will do so yourself."
She heard the implacable resolve in his voice. He would lock her up. He would take the decision out of her hands. She either had to accept that or . . . what? Lose him? That was unacceptable. She bit at her fingertips nervously. "For now, when something happens, safeguard me, Dragomir, but leave me a way out in your mind so I can get to you if you're injured and I need to do that."
Relief crept into the gold of his eyes. He nodded slowly. "Thank you, Emeline. I realize it is difficult for you to give me that and it is all the more appreciated that you would. I will use your consent with care and as sparingly as possible."
She leaned into him to kiss him. She'd been fixated on his eyes, but his mouth was equally as intriguing to her. He tasted wild. She loved that about him. He tasted dangerous. He was both those things and yet, he was hers. She had to be brave enough to look into his mind and see those terrible memories--the emptiness that drove men of honor to become the worst monsters on earth.
He kissed like sin. Like heaven. She indulged because she'd hated that look in his eyes, the one that said he thought she wouldn't want him as he was. She indulged because he was just sexy and his kisses were hotter than the most out-of-control firestorm imaginable.
She laid her head over his heart. "I love you, Dragomir."
"I know you think you do, Emeline. I know you're my lifemate and you said I was your choice, but I'm not an easy man. I swear to you, I'll give you everything I can, everything you want or need, but I cannot give you the right to fight at my side when I battle vampires. I will never be that man."
She didn't think she would ever be that woman. She was more the kind of woman who flung herself into danger without thinking it through because a child was in need. "There were so many on the streets, Dragomir. Kids, without homes. Boys. Girls. There was always some kind of trouble. Most of the time I ran, just like the others did, but sometimes, someone was caught and if I didn't go back and help . . ." She trailed off, trying not to think about the dangers of being a child on the street. "It isn't in my nature to want to fight, but it is to protect children."
He smiled for the first time that evening and she realized she'd been waiting for it. Hoping for it. Needing it.
"Everyone, Emeline. You go out of your way to protect everyone. You may not want to fight physically, but you can't help rushing in when others are afraid."
He said it with admiration and that was a soothing balm when she knew he wouldn't think twice about putting her somewhere safe if the situation ever came up again--and she was certain it would.
"What are we going to do about Amelia?"
She knew he changed the subject deliberately because there was nowhere to go with it, so she let him. "I don't know if I can reach her, Dragomir, but if you take me to her, I'll try."
He got to his feet in that fluid, sexy way he had, pulling her up with him. He'd dressed her, and it was a long dress again, one that swirled around her ankles. It was an empire-waisted gown with bold black piping, a balloon hem and petal sleeves. The neckline was a vee, and not too low. She loved the way it felt on her, swirling around her ankles.
"Do you stay up all night looking in catalogues for dresses?" she teased.
He frowned, puzzled by what she asked. "I don't know what that means, but I look into your mind and see images you have there."
She burst out laughing. She'd been the one to look in catalogues. She had all her life because she couldn't afford the kind of clothes she wanted. She didn't need to afford them now, she cou
ld make them the way Dragomir did, although she rather liked that he was choosing dresses for her.
"I like this one," she acknowledged, smoothing her hand down the fabric. "Why gray? I would have thought that was the one color you would avoid."
"I thought so as well," he agreed, taking her hand. "But the image in your head was gray, and it didn't look the same as the shadowy world I lived in. This gray is vibrant, and against the black accent quite beautiful. I knew it would look beautiful with your hair and eyes." He ran his hand down her side, over the curve of her hip. "I want you to always feel beautiful, Emeline. You have a list of favorites."
"I do?" She'd forgotten she'd done that. It seemed so long ago. Everything had happened so fast.
"You do. You keep adding to that list for me. If it's in there, I'll use it."
They stepped out her front door, and she was shocked to see everything looked the same. The lawn was green with no gopher holes. The flower beds were intact. There were no dead birds in the yard. The play yard was there, with swings, slides and climbing equipment. The stone dragons sat in there waiting for the children. The lake was as beautiful as ever.