She pressed the bottle to her forehead again. “We still have to let them out. Jewel isn’t going to let up until she’s with Dymka.”
Mitya didn’t have the heart to tell her that wouldn’t change anything. Dymka was even more upset and out of sorts than Jewel or Ania. It was all Mitya could do to control him. His own moods weren’t much better. The entire situation was fucked.
“Let’s just get home.” He reached for his trousers.
“I don’t think I can face any of them yet,” Ania said softly. “I don’t even know what I’m doing when it’s on me like that. I can’t think.”
She was crying. He heard it in her voice. Tears. When he looked down, he could see wetness on the tips of her lashes and tears running down her face. His heart stuttered. Turned over. He reached down, caught her around the waist and lifted her easily onto his lap. He was grateful for the strength of his leopard, for the strength of his body. She was on the smaller side and picking her up was easy.
He cupped the side of her face, his thumb brushing at the tears. “I know this feels like it isn’t ever going to end, but I promise you, it will. We’ll sort through it together, Ania. I haven’t shut you out of anything. I’ve been up front about the kind of man I am.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed. Not everything feels like love, even when I’m trying to show you the way I’m coming to feel.”
He’d been selfish. There was no question about that. He knew himself; he knew that when the leopard was driving him with his moods, he would be selfish again. “I suppose it didn’t feel like love to you, and I know you need that. The way you gave yourself to me felt like it to me.”
“Don’t get me wrong.” She still didn’t look at him. “I loved it. I love when you’re like that, the things you say are sexy and you feel powerful and all mine. I like taking care of you, but I don’t always feel confident in us.”
He forced her head around, so he could look into her eyes. “You don’t feel confident in us?” he repeated, astonished. He frowned, not letting her look away. “Do you still think I’m with you because of my leopard?”
She shrugged. “No one even looked at me until she went into heat. Suddenly there are men coming around, you one of them, saying how beautiful I am. No one said that before.”
“We didn’t meet before, Ania. That night, when I saw you in the rain, I knew then that you were mine. I knew it. There wasn’t one moment of doubt.” He bent his head to brush a kiss across her lips. “I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you I don’t even know what to do about it. I’m not a poet, baby, and I’m never going to be. I don’t have pretty words. But when I touch you, even when I’m rough, especially when I’m rough, that’s raw and honest. That’s me feeling so intense I’m barely in control. For a man like me to lose control, Ania, it has to be love.”
She tipped her head back, leaning against his shoulder to look into his eyes. He saw her cat close, but he also saw her, those indigo eyes that could melt his heart every time. Her eyes searched his, as if looking for his soul. If that was what she needed to know she was loved by him, he’d find a way to give that to her.
“Let’s go home, baby, and we’ll let the cats have their time. We can talk this out in a private setting.” His hand dropped to the nape of her neck in an effort to ease the tension out of her. “I never want you to feel as if you aren’t loved for you. For me, what I feel is all about you. There isn’t going to be another woman in my life. Not ever. And when I die, I’m going to die knowing I get to be with you in eight more life cycles.”
She sent him a tentative smile. “You might regret that.”
He shook his head. “That’s the one thing I’m absolutely certain of, Ania. I have no doubts. I can see why you’d have them. I can be a selfish lover . . .”
“You can be a generous one as well. I meant what I said, I love the way you were with me. I just don’t always feel confident.”
“You should—”
The car pitched sideways. A shot rang out and then another. Something hit the glass on the driver’s side. The car bounced and swayed sideways, nearly out of control. Mitya caught Ania by her shoulders, thrusting her toward the floor. Already her hands were on the buttons of the shirt, closing it as she turned toward the window to try to see out.