I still can’t get back to sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
A FEW DAYS LATER, I walk to St. Mary’s in a gentle, steady, cozy rain. I miss Colonel so much it aches…the past few days have been so quiet, both at the diner and in my personal life, that I’m a little stir-crazy. The diner is closed for the day, the baking done. It’s not my night for Meals on Wheels, and I’ve spent so much time at Christy’s lately that she told me outright to give her a little space. Clearly, it’s time for me to find another dog.
So. The high school had a dance in the church basement this past weekend, and I decide to go over and clean the kitchen, which always suffers during this type of event.
As I cross the street, I see Bishop Tranturo walking out of the rectory. Father Tim stands in the doorway, his arms crossed on his chest. He sees me and lifts his hand in a wave, then goes back in, closing the door behind him.
Bishop Tranturo has been around forever. He’s not often seen in these parts, as we are a tiny parish, but I remember his round, jolly face from years past. When making his annual visit to confirm Gideon’s Cove’s Catholic teenagers, he usually stops by the diner for breakfast. In fact, he presided over my own confirmation.
I wonder what he’s doing here. I wonder?
“Hi, Bishop,” I call out, splashing across the street as he’s about to get into his car.
“Hello, dear,” he says. “I’m sorry, you are…?”
“Maggie. Maggie Beaumont.”
“Oh, yes,” he says, recognition lighting his cherubic face. “You’re Maggie, from the diner. Of course. Nice to see you.” He smiles and waits.
“So how are things?” I ask. “How’s everything?”
“Just fine, dear. And you?”
“I’m fine. I’m…so. We love Father Tim around here. He’s great. A great priest.” My stomach cramps with anxiety.
Bishop Tranturo nods and looks over my shoulder.
“Is he leaving? Is that why you’re here?” I blurt, glancing back at the rectory. “Is Father Tim…?”
The bishop sighs, his breath fogging in the cool air. “I think I’ll let him tell you that himself, dear,” he says. “Take care. God bless you, my child.”
“Okay, yes. Thanks. And you, too,” I say manically. “Drive safely. Bye.”
I step back and let him get into his car. The rain is falling harder now, but I barely notice.
Father Tim is leaving the priesthood.
My heart pounds sickly in my chest and my legs feel weak and shaky. Lost in thought, I drift into the church and slide into the last pew.
It’s empty in here, the smell of lemon oil and candles soothing and welcoming. The door clicks shut behind me, and I am alone in this haven of stillness. The rain patters against the small stained-glass windows, and below me, the furnace kicks on. The candles in the front flicker in the drafts. Only one light is on, shining gently on the cross that hangs over the altar.
I haven’t been in St. Mary’s for a while, too flustered by Father Tim to come here. And it’s a shame, really, because it’s lovely, truly a place to think, to open myself up and listen for a whisper of wisdom. I haven’t done that in a long time. My embarrassment over Father Tim has distracted me from any true spirituality I might have had in the past year.
Father Tim. My mind is oddly blank as I sit there. Fragments of conversations slip through, but I’m unable to hold on to one. Father Tim has been lonely. He cares about me. I’m special to him. He’s counting on that…and he asked me about Father Shea.
The question is, what if it’s true? What if he’s leaving the priesthood and wants to find someone? What if he thinks he wants to be with me? What then? It’s not like I have other contenders…the pet psychic, the groin injury guy, the old men…and unforgiving, closed-off, angry Malone.
I rush outside and over to the rectory, bursting in on Mrs. Plutarski.
“Where is he?” I demand. “I know he’s here.”
“He’s very busy,” Mrs. P. answers. “What’s got into you?”
“Father Tim?” I call, sticking my head into his office. He’s not there. “Father Tim?” I shove my wet hair back from my face.
He comes into the common room, holding a cup of tea. “Ah, Maggie,” he says warmly. “Just the person I wanted to see.”
“Father Tim,” I say, grabbing his arm. “I need to speak with you. It’s an emergency.”
Mrs. P. sighs dramatically. “Another death in the family, Maggie? Your goldfish this time?”
“Bite me,” I tell her. Father Tim’s eyes widen as I tow him through the common room, into the kitchen. I don’t want Mrs. Plutarski to overhear us, and I know she’ll try.
“Here now, Maggie, maybe you should slow down. In fact, I was hoping to see you?”
“Sit down,” I tell him. He obeys, and I take a seat opposite him at the small table. “I just spoke to Bishop Tranturo. About, you know…you.” My hands are shaking, the palms sweaty.
Father Tim’s face grows somber. “Did you, now? I was hoping to tell you myself.” He gives me a sad smile. “Maggie, you know I care?”
“Wait!” I bark. “Please wait. Don’t say anything.” I take a deep breath, then another, as Father Tim looks at me, concerned and expectant. “Okay…um, Father Tim,” I say more gently. “Listen. You are a wonderful priest and the thing is, I understand that it’s not always easy for you, but…” I swallow. He waits patiently. “Listen, Father Tim, you’re a very nice, kind man. And of course I…you know. Care for you. But I think you’re making a mistake. You know, about leaving. You can’t just give this all up!”
Father Tim sighs and leans back in his chair. “I know, Maggie. It’s been wonderful. I’ve loved being pastor here, as you know. But change is going to come, whether we like it or not.”
I take another breath, my legs feeling weak and sick. “Does anyone else know about?about your, um, decision?”
“No, Maggie. I was planning to say something at Mass.” At Mass! My mouth falls open, but he continues. “Of course, the bishop knows, but that goes without saying.”
“Okay, okay, wait. I need to say this.” My hands are curled into fists. “We’re friends, you and I, aren’t we?”
“Of course, Maggie.”
“And I think you have a lot of nice qualities.” He blinks, ever patient. “Right. So. You know I had a killer crush on you.” He smiles?is that a happy smile? Forgiving? Expectant??and I force myself to go on. “But, Father Tim, I don’t anymore. I just think you should know that. In case I was figuring into your decision in any way. Any way whatsoever.”
The smile falters, flickers, then dies completely. “I’m not clear on what you’re getting at, Maggie,” he says slowly. “Why would you figure into it?”
“Because of the thing with Father Sh?um, what’s that?”
He frowns, clearly puzzled. “Ah…well, why don’t you say what’s on your mind, Maggie?”
I bite my lip, wince, and go for it. “Um…I don’t want you to leave the priesthood because of me.”
Under other circumstances, Father Tim’s reaction would be funny. He lurches back in his seat, then staggers to his feet, grabbing the chair and putting it between us. “Dear Lord, Maggie! I’m not leaving the priesthood!”
“Oh, thank God!” A hysterical laugh escapes my lips. “Oh, thank God! Great! This is great news!”
“How?why?where on earth did you get an idea like that?”
“I…um…ah…” Breathe, Maggie, breathe. He’s not leaving the priesthood. “Well, Bishop Tranturo…he said you were leaving.”
“I’m being transferred to another parish.”
“Right. Oh, that is fantastic news.” I heave a sigh of relief, my head spinning. Father Tim cocks his head. “Okay. That makes a lot more sense.” I pause. “I guess I just thought that…well, you said a few things that I thought…I was afraid you had feelings for me, Father Tim.”
His eyes narrow, and he keeps a good grip on the chair, and he keeps that chair solidly between us. “Maggie,” he says, very, very carefully, “I think you’re a lovely person, but no. No feelings of a romantic sort. At all. Ever. I’d hope we’d stay friends after I leave, but of course, nothing else.”
“Well, that’s great. Sure. I just could’ve sworn…” My heart rate is returning to normal, and I take a deep breath. “I mean, I’m sorry that the parish is losing you, but Father Tim, what about Father Shea? I mean, you…you seemed kind of interested in him, and there were these things you said about me and being friends and…” My voice trails off.
Father Tim closes his eyes in understanding. “Oh, dear. I’m so sorry if I ever led you to believe…oh, shite. No, Maggie, Michael Shea, formerly Father Shea, has been in hospice, and I had to ask the bishop if special arrangements might be required for his funeral, being that he was a priest at one time…nothing else, Maggie.” He pauses tentatively. “I’m terribly sorry if I ever gave you any impression whatsoever that…well. I’m not sure what to say.”
At this point, he could say he was pregnant and I wouldn’t care. He’s not leaving the priesthood, he’s not in love with me, and I am simply limp with relief. No doubt other feelings are going to make themselves known sometime soon, but right now, all I feel is utter, beautiful reprieve.
“Let’s not say anything, okay?” I offer. “In fact, if we could just pretend this conversation never took place…”
He offers me an uneasy smile. “That would probably be best,” he agrees. “Though I’m glad to hear your crush on me is done.”
I pause. “St. Mary’s is really going to miss you.”
“And I them. And now, Maggie, I have things I need to take care of….”
On trembling legs, I walk through the rectory. Alas, Mrs Plutarski’s lips are white with disapproval, and I know her too well to believe she wasn’t eavesdropping. She’ll tell everyone. Once more, Gideon’s Cove is going to have a good laugh over me, but right now, I simply don’t care.
A bit numbly, I walk through the rain and find myself at the harbor. The boats are all out, as the demand for lobsters has already risen, though it’s only May. I picture Malone out there, alone. Maloner the Loner.
I miss him irrationally.
CHAPTER THIRTY
ON MONDAY, my day off, I give Mrs. K.’s apartment a quick clean, leave her a chicken and spinach casserole and kiss her goodbye. Then I run back upstairs and survey my closet.
This errand has been a long time coming. I’m not sure what to wear. I’d be happy in a Joe’s Diner T-shirt and jeans, but maybe something nicer would help at the critical moment. Plus, my mother will be happy to see me in something that’s not stained, so I pull out some cream-colored pants that Christy bought me two Christmases ago and top it with a chocolaty silk shirt. I brush my hair and put it into a French twist, add some big gold hoops, a little lip gloss and mascara, a few dashes of blush. Then I hop into my car and head out of town.
It takes about an hour and a half to reach my destination, and the drive is beautiful. The ponds gleam an electric blue under the cloudless sky, the leaves are that engaging shade of pale green. The sun beats through the windshield and I crack my window a little, turn up the radio and sing along.
I haven’t heard from Father Tim since our last conversation a week ago. He hasn’t come into the diner, but the word is out that he’s leaving. Most of Gideon’s Cove is devastated. As for me, my feelings are still a bit mixed; I’ll miss him because he was nice to have around, but I sure won’t miss feeling so stupid when it came to him.
The directions I got off the Internet last night are fairly accurate, and I find the car dealership with no trouble, right next to McDonald’s, as promised on Mapquest. I pull into the lot in my battered Subaru, a lump of coal among diamonds.
A rather pleasant thrill of anticipation and nervousness runs down my legs as I get out. I glance at my reflection in the car windows, then turn and go inside.
“May I help you?” asks a pretty woman behind the desk.
“I’d like to see Skip Parkinson, please,” I say pleasantly.
“Of course.” She presses a button on the phone. “Skip, please come to the front desk. Skip, front desk, please.” Her voice is soothing and robotic.
I glance around the showroom while I wait, admiring the sleek lines and tasteful colors of the expensive cars. Cars are like racehorses to me?I enjoy looking at them and have little use for them. Given where I live and what I do, I require something far more pragmatic than a seventy-five thousand dollar big-boy toy.
“Hi, can I show you something today?” Skip’s voice comes from behind me. I turn around.
“Hi, Skip,” I say. He’s wearing a beautiful charcoal suit, his blue shirt open at the neck, stylish as a European duke.
His mouth drops open with a quick intake of breath. “Maggie! Wow.”
“Do you have a minute?” I tilt my head and smile. It’s so much more pleasant, being the surpriser, not the surprised.
“Um, sure. Sure. Uh, come on back to my office.” He walks me to a soulless room in the back of the dealership, his windows overlooking the parking lot. A chrome-and-glass coffee table holds some expensive-looking sales brochures. There’s a matching bookcase along one wall, a large desk covered with papers.