McGraw was one of the first people to walk into the clubhouse, followed by an endless amount of other pigs marching to his beat. Following him in line. I sat in the corner in the back of the game room and watched as he and Damien exchanged words after the ambulance had patched up his bullet wound. He took off moments later, going straight to wherever he needed to go to get everything in order for Prez’s case.
McGraw immediately made his way toward me when he was done with Damien. Before he could even say a word to me, I handed him the file of everything that had to do with Mia. I knew Damien gave him most of the rundown prior to leaving, but I just wanted to slam the nail in the fucking coffin. And have no more bullshit and animosity between us.
“Make sure you let her daddy know, yeah?”
He peered up at me through the slits of his eyes, nodding when he was done looking over the folder. “This doesn’t change the fact you’re an outlaw,” he emphasized, staring at the 1% patch on my cut.
I didn’t hesitate, ripping it off, throwing it to the floor between us. I stood. “Not anymore. Not ever again.”
He narrowed his eyes at me as I turned around, gazing at all the brothers who had just watched me resign my colors.
“I’m done wit’ this fuckin’ club. You wanna ride by a man who follows the law... then follow me out. Ya feel me?”
My father wasn’t the only one that I put to ground that day.
VP of the Devil's Rejects, Creed Jameson...
Was, too.
“How do you feel about that, Mia?” Dr. Garcia asked.
“I don’t know.”
She gave me a look that I was more than familiar with. Making me roll my eyes and take a deep breath. “I guess I just never expected my mind to flip a switch like that. I mean... Uncle Dylan said he was a free man now. I’m torn about all the stuff I learned involving their dad and me. I’d only met the man in passing a couple of times, but I was targeted by him even before that. It upsets me that I don’t even get to ask him why...”
It had been three months since their dad had been killed and I had learned the truth. My family contemplated whether to tell me or not, but it was national news. There was no hiding the truth when it was plastered all over the T.V. and newspapers. Learning the truth was harder than I’d ever imagined.
“It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing what could have happened if his plans had succeeded. Knowing I would have been sold to some sick person, most likey tortured and forced into slavery is a sombering thought. The intent behind his actions is a tough pill to swallow. Before now, I never knew such a disgusting world existed. And I almost fell victim to it,” I paused, reining in my plaguing thoughts. My poor parents are beside themselves. My mom said that my dad tried to meet up with Creed to apologize and thank him, but hasn’t found where he’s staying. If that’s not irony, I don’t know what is. I can only imagine what Creed must be feeling. Finding all this horrible secrets and taking his own father's life must be weighing heavy on his shoulders. I know Noah is having a hard time with it. Not that his father is dead, but that he wanted to kidnap me.”
She nodded. “It’s a lot to take in. Do you feel better now that you know the truth?”
“I do.”
“You don’t sound very convincing, Mia.”
“I’m just torn.”
“With the news? Or with Creed and Noah?”
“Wow, Doc, you’re not making it easy for me today, huh?” I nervously chuckled.
“Well?”
“I know Creed was the one who technically kidnapped me, but he was just trying to protect me. I know that now. Everyone does. But the shootout, me getting shot, Maddie... that wasn’t his fault. It was his father’s. For almost a year Creed was on the run, in hiding, trying to get to the bottom of the truth. For me. That changes things, Dr. Garcia. I know I still don’t remember him, but it doesn’t change the fact that he truly was my hero this entire time. Not the villain everyone portrayed him as. He was the good guy. I never thought of him as a bad person, he just made bad things happen and bad decisions.”
“How does that make you feel? Does it tap into the memories at all?”
“Here’s the thing, it’s been over a year since I lost my memory. Every day since I woke up in that hospital, I feel like I remember something, but it doesn’t present itself to me like a memory. It’s just a feeling in my gut, deep within me. I have no idea how that even makes sense, but the feelings are getting more and more intense as time goes on. I may not remember Creed, but you were right, Doctor, he’s been right here since the beginning... in my heart. Has been since day one.”
“What about Noah?”
“I love Noah. I honestly do. That’s why I’m torn, Doc. The Mia I was in the past is madly in love with Creed, and the Mia I am now is in love with Noah. Except, learning all these things that Creed has done for me... Makes me think, this Mia, the woman I am now. Loves him too, and maybe she never stopped.”
“There could be worse things than loving two men, sweetie.”
“Not if one of them gets hurt.”
“Have you seen Creed?”
“You know I haven’t. Not since that night at his mom’s. The very same night he saw us. The same night he was brutal and nasty to me. Which in a way I guess I deserved. I know he was hurting and drunk, and I don’t blame him for that. The crazy thing is, even though he was deliberately being cruel to me, he never once stopped saying that I was his. That he loved me. That I belonged to him. His love always spoke through the pain. The pain I caused the man who’s done nothing but protect me.”
“Have you and Noah discussed this?”
“No. What am I supposed to say to him? He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s been nothing short of amazing to me. He’s been there as a friend, a boyfriend, and a lover. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”
“But you can with Creed?”
“I can, but only because I haven’t spent any time with him since the shooting. I know I would feel different if he became my friend, but I don’t think we could ever just be friends. At least not for him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him any more than I already have.”
“How about Maddie? How has it been since you and Noah finally talked about her?”
“I have a better sense of understanding the love I had for her, and it makes me feel less like a horrible mother. I also think it has given Noah and me a bit of closure. We don’t talk about her, but it doesn’t feel like there’s a huge elephant in the room anymore. I also know that if I wanted to talk about her, he would listen and vice versa.”
She nodded. “What would happen if you woke up tomorrow and remembered, Mia? If suddenly your memory was back. Do you think it would still be Noah?”
My eyes widened, biting my lower lip. I shrugged, not knowing how to answer.
“Then I think that’s what you need to figure out. Because that one day, sweetie, could be tomorrow.”
“Yeah...” I whispered.
She flipped through my notebook, paying particular attention to some of my last entries. “I think the answers have been in front of you all along, Mia,” she said, closing it and handing it back to me.
“What do you mean?”
“I see a pattern happening on those pages. Your homework is to take some time for yourself, and read through your thoughts in that notebook, alright? Same time next week, okay?”
I nodded. She ended our session, leaving me with a lot to think about. When I exited the elevator, Noah was patiently waiting for me in the parking garage like always.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he greeted, kissing me and pulling me into his arms.
“Hey, yourself,” I teased, smiling.
“Guess what today is?”
“If you say something sexual, I’m going to hit you,” I giggled, pulling away.
“Get your mind out of the gutter!” he chuckled, grabbing my hand and kissing it. Leading me out of the garage. “I know my cock is good to you and all, but you gotta give the m
an a break sometimes.”
My mouth dropped open. “Oh my God! You’re the one who wants to live on top of me.”
“Really? Says the girl who’s on top most of the time.”
I looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see the expression on my face. I was scared it would give away why I wanted to be on top. Why I needed to be. “So, what is today then?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Today is the day you ride on the back of my bike.”
I shook my head, glancing at the side of his face. “Nope. Not happening.”
“Oh, it’s happenin’.” He picked me up off the ground, throwing me over his shoulder before I even saw it coming.
“You can’t do this every time you don’t get your way!”
“Try and stop me, Mia.”
I struggled against him, laughing the entire time as he walked us to the back of the huge building, to the alleyway where he had parked his bike and there were no other vehicles.
“It’s time for you to meet my other girl. She’s gettin’ her feelings hurt since I don’t ride her as much as you ride me.”
I smacked his back, making him chuckle.
“You’re gonna sit your pretty little ass on my bike for a minute, so you can get used to the feelin’ of somethin’ so big between your legs. Wait, you should already be used to it cuz of me.”
I smacked him again.
He clutched onto my waist, sliding me down his hard, muscular body. Making me straddle his waist as he straddled his bike, placing me on his lap. Our innocent encounter turned into something else entirely different when he yanked me closer. Molding us into one person and kissing me as if his life depended on it. I moaned into his mouth, and he groaned into mine as he suddenly fisted my hair at the nook of my neck. His other hand drifted down the side of my breast to the seam of my panties, under my dress. He slid them over, gliding his fingers into my wet folds.
I swallowed hard. “Noah... someone could walk back here.”
“Fuck, you’re so wet. I did this to you. Me,” he growled, continuing to work my clit. Ignoring my fear, seducing me to keep going. He swiftly pushed me back, and I placed my hands on the gas tank for support.
My head was spinning, my heart was racing, my core was throbbing. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he tore my hair back harder. Wanting me to stay right where I was, spread wide open for him on his bike.
I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t stop this.
My mind and my heart wouldn’t let me, colliding into one.
He wanted to watch me fall over the edge, needing to feel me deep in his soul. Never once stopping his assault on my core, rubbing me back and forth, causing my body to shudder and my hips to rock, taking what he was giving.
His lips parted like he was feeling everything I was when all he was doing was watching me come apart. For him and only him. His fingers worked me over, finding my g-spot, creating this longing, this intensity, this mind-blowing explosion all over my body. My back arched over the gas tank, my dress riding up, exposing his sweet torture. Allowing him to go faster and harder.
My heart continuing to beat rapidly, hammering in my head, and making me feel dizzy.
Lightheaded.
Overwhelmed by everything that was suddenly happening. Feeling as if I was being mentally torn in two directions.
His.
Ours.
My mind was in overdrive, putting up one hell of a fight with my heart.
He roughly jerked my hair back to look into my eyes and spoke with conviction, “You’re fuckin’ mine. I claimed you.”
When our eyes locked together, it was all over, feeling his thumb manipulate my nub as his fingers continued to rub my sweet spot.
Bringing me right to the edge of the ledge, on the tips of my toes, about to free fall when I heard the horn from the train at noon sounding off a few blocks away. Pulling me back to the here and now. Getting louder and louder, ready to barrel through town, taking my heart away with it. I shook off the sudden unease and tried to focus on Noah’s touch, shoving away my feelings I told Doc about.
This moment, it was truly the end for me.
Right then and there like a wave washing me to shore with Noah’s hands pulling me under.
I unlocked the door, stepping inside my place. Throwing the keys on the entry table before making my way inside. It had been five months since I took care of business, putting my father to ground. Finally walking away from the MC, free to do whatever the fuck I wanted.
Completely out from under his control for the first time in my life.
The press had a fucking field day with the news of what supposedly went down at the compound. The story Damien pulled out of his ass was nothing but pure and utter fucking genius. I quickly realized he really was good at what he did, especially all the illegal shit. Which would definitely earn him the death sentence by the law’s standards if he ever got found out. Even without my help, it wouldn’t have been long before he became District Attorney, like he was now. The corrupt motherfucker was all over the news, shaking hands with the top fucking dogs from all around the world. Painting the picture of the man everyone knew as El Santo, doing what he does best—serving justice.
He portrayed me as the knight in shining fucking armor. Mia Ryder’s hero. I couldn’t leave my house without getting hounded by reporters. All wanting an interview with the man who took down the President of the Devil’s Rejects. The fact it was his son who did so made it even better tabloid gossip. I couldn’t even turn on the T.V. without seeing our faces plastered all over the screen. Making me miss her that much more.
About a week after the incident, I made arrangements to have Luke’s remains buried at Oakdale Cemetery next to Autumn’s memorial. Giving my ma the closure she needed, knowing that her baby boy was now truly resting in peace.
She didn’t say much about what happened, other than thank you when I handed her Luke’s medallion at the memorial. Pulling me into a tight hug with tears running down her cheeks. She didn’t any ask questions, probably because she already knew all the answers. She was still briefed by Leo, preparing for my father’s case with Damien. It was standard protocol to question all parties involved, just to go through the motions. They even brought Noah in.
I saw my brother at Ma’s house a few days after we took down my old man, and everything was already headline news. I had gone into my room to pack up some of my shit that Ma had brought over from the old house. Wanting to take it back with me to my place.
“Hey,” Noah greeted, leaning against the doorframe to my room with his arms crossed over his chest.
I nodded at him, grabbing the dogtags Autumn had made for me from my nightstand. Throwing it in one of my bags on the bed. I hadn’t worn it in years, but I couldn’t part with it. Autumn would always have a special place in my heart. She was my best friend.
“Can’t believe you still got that,” he added. “I remember when you mailed it to me from overseas while you were playin’ G.I. fuckin’ Joe. Askin’ me to put in your room for you.”
“Probably the only letter you ever read of mine.”
“I read them all, Creed. Every last one. Most of them I read so many fuckin’ times that I started to memorize them. I may have resented you, but I needed to know you were okay. Make sure you were alive. I had to, you’re my big brother.”
I glanced over at him, surprised by his revelation.
“You were the only family I had left at that point. Couldn’t lose you, too.”
“Ya never wrote me back. If it wasn’t for Pippin, wouldn’t have ever gotten any mail.”
“She’s a good girl.”
“You’d know,” I sternly said. “She’s yours now.”
He slowly nodded his head with a flicker of something in his eyes that I couldn’t make out or begin to understand. But he continued before I could give it anymore thought.
“I couldn’t bring myself to write you back,” he voiced, changing the subject. Walking over to
sit on the edge of my bed, leaning his elbows on his knees. His eyes never wavered, following me as I went around the room, collecting all my shit. It was like he was truly looking at me for the first time since I was discharged from the Army.
Seeing his brother.
Not his enemy.
“I was fuckin’ pissed at you for leavin’ me behind. To take care of all the bullshit that had suddenly become my life. I hated you. Mostly cuz I knew you coulda died over there, leavin’ me really fuckin’ alone. Not given me a chance to even say goodbye to you before I woulda had to walk up to your grave. Exactly like I did with my daughter,” he shared, immediately making me stop what I was doing to look at him.
“Yeah, I was fuckin’ livid with you, Creed, letting it happenin’ on your watch. The brother who had done nothin’ but protect me for most of my childhood, couldn’t do the same for my daughter. It brought back all those feelings I went through when you were gone, just pourin’ fuckin’ salt to my already bleedin’ wounds.”He took a long, deep, sturdy breath, composing his thoughts before adding, “I know it wasn’t your fault, alright? If I would have been in that situation... havin’ to choose... I probably would have chosen Mia, too. And that was the hardest pill to fuckin’ swallow cuz that baby girl was actually my kid.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I just stood there in a state of shock.
“And that alone made me feel like I’m no different than our fuckin’ father. When I don’t wanna be nothin’ like him.”
“You ain’t, Noah. I ain’t either. And it’s taken me a really long fuckin’ time to realize that. Ya feel me?”
He nodded, his eyes glossy, blinking away his unshed tears. “When you enlisted. You didn’t even ask me how I felt about you leavin’. Not one fuckin’ word to me about it. I find out while you and Pops were kickin’ each other's asses which seems to be a runnin’ theme with our fuckin’ family,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “You made me feel like I didn’t fuckin’ matter to you anymore. When I went through my whole life feelin’ like you were the only one who ever made me feel like I did matter to someone.”