Or maybe my mind didn’t want to process that I was back in the home that I swore I’d never step foot in again.
I rolled over, looking for Sebastian, and immediately opened my eyes when his side of the bed was cold. I hastily blinked, trying to shake off the sleep and it took me a few minutes to realize where I was. I hadn’t dreamt everything and I really was back at The Cathouse. I ignored the migraine that was looming and took a shower and dressed. I let Chance out in the backyard and then found Brooke in the kitchen, pouring coffee.
“What are you wearing?” she asked, eyeing my outfit up and down.
I followed her eyes and looked down at my outfit. “Jeans, a tank top, and sandals,” I replied, confused.
“Bella, no offense, but maybe you should change into something more…less…I don’t know…what you’re wearing,” she casually replied.
“Brooke, I don’t have any of my old clothes. This is what I wear now.”
“No, I understand.” She sipped her coffee. “I dig it. Sort of…you have this whole comfortable thing going on. But you’re back, for now. Maybe you should dress the part; I mean, we are taking over VIP for a bit. It would probably make sense to wear some heels or run a brush through your crazy ass hair.” She shrugged. “Just saying.”
I frowned. “I don’t have time to go shopping and it’s the last thing I want to do right now. And there’s nothing wrong with my hair,” I stated, pulling it out of my face.
She rolled her eyes. “Do you forget where you are? Madam has three rooms full of clothes. She has her own boutique upstairs for us. Come on.”
“Ugh!” I followed behind her.
An hour later and she was grinning all the way up to her ears. “See…don’t you feel better? Your hair is straight, you got on some red soles, and you’re not wearing something off the rack. You look like Bella again. You can’t tell me you don’t feel like a million bucks because you sure do look it.”
I looked at Brooke’s perfect reflection in the mirror and then at mine. She was absolutely right, I did look like Bella, and it was as if I had never left. Except this time, these clothes, this image, this persona standing before me didn’t look like anyone I recognized anymore. I didn’t know who this flawless woman with the expensive outfit on was. She was a stranger. I left everything behind for a reason, and there it was, staring me in the face.
The dream.
The illusion.
The fantasy.
VIP.
I rode in Brooke’s car with her, seeing as I didn’t have a vehicle. We walked into Madam’s room and there was an older man dressed in ripped jeans and a motorcycle jacket sitting with her. He had long blond hair tied in a ponytail and intense hazel eyes. He was breathtakingly handsome. They looked like they were having a heated argument or discussion. When our eyes locked, I swear his appeared to desperately want to say something. They were screaming at me and I had just met him.
“Bella Rosa,” Madam announced, taking me away from his frantic trance. “Darling, come here.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce me, Angel?” he asked, making her eyes glare at him.
Angel? I had never heard anyone call her anything other than Madam.
She turned to Brooke, not paying him any mind. “Brooke baby, can you please tell security that this gentleman is no longer allowed to visit with me. I want him out, permanently,” she emphasized.
He laughed, not cowering down. “And you think that’s going to stop me? Come on, Lilith, at least let me stay and watch the show.”
No one disrespected Madam. Ever. It was the first time that I ever saw real fear pass through her face and something came over me to want to help. I didn’t like seeing her as anyone other than Madam; it hurt me for some reason. It pained me to watch the woman who controls everything, vulnerable and exposed.
It was too real.
I turned to him and our eyes caught. “I’m sorry, I think she asked you to leave. There’s the door, you could leave on your own or I could call security. The choice is yours.” I sneered.
The fucker smiled. “Wow.” He folded his arms on his chest. “Hmmm…” He looked at Madam. “Looks like you’ve made quite a little soldier. You should be proud, Angel, she’s everything you wanted her to be. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, just like you.”
She breathed out and grinned. “That’s where you’re wrong, darling…I’m the wolf. Always the motherfucking wolf, dressed in nothing but a pantsuit and fuck-me heels.”
He shook his head. “I’ll leave, for now. Have fun with your reunion.” He looked back at me. “Till next time, Ysa.”
I jerked back. No one called me that other than Sebastian.
What the fuck is going on?
“Ignore him, darling. What do I always tell you about men? Give them your pussy and they’ll want your heart. That’s what makes VIP one of a kind. Pay him no mind. Now come here, let me see you. You’re glowing. Nice to see you dressed in real clothes again.”
I half-smiled, trying to shake his presence and attitude.
“My girls. We’re all together, like one big happy family. Just as it’s meant to be.” She glanced behind me. “Is Sebastian here?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Is he at The Cathouse?”
I peeked up at Brooke and she reassuringly smiled.
“He’s not here, Madam.”
“Why is that?”
“I left.”
Her eyes widened and there was a glimmer of…hope…maybe?
“No…I mean…not like that. At least…I don’t even know. I just need some space and you need help. So I’m here.”
“What’s going on?” she eagerly questioned.
I grabbed a chair and placed it by the bed. Brooke followed suit.
“It’s been hard since I last saw you. I love him, Madam. I love him so much that I can’t even begin to describe the feeling because it’s so powerful. However, we want different things. He asked me to marry him.”
“Oh my God, Bella! You didn’t tell me! Are you engaged?” Brooke excitingly shouted while Madam lay still, almost like she had stopped breathing.
“I’m not engaged. I said no,” I whispered, looking down at my lap. “I don’t even know if I believe in marriage. He wants kids and…” I shrugged.
“Bella Rosa, look at me, my beautiful girl.”
I did.
“You’re a VIP. You’re made for more. That’s why you can’t live a normal life. You’re not made like that. You’re the elite, darling. Sebastian was standing in your way. Men do that. They’re selfish. He doesn’t want you to shine, so he thinks he can take that away by making you a wife and mother.” She shook her head. “Tsk…tsk…tsk…shame on him. You’re perfect the way you are. Why ruin it with a child and a ring? That will wear you down. Don’t you see?”
I took in her words.
“VIP is your home. I want you to own it.”
Brooke and I both looked at Madam like she had lost her mind.
“What?” I jumbled.
“You heard me. It’s yours. It always has been. You’re here to prove to yourself that you can do this. I already know the answer. This isn’t a test for me, it’s a test for you.”
“Madam, you don’t know what you’re saying. I’m here to help, with Brooke. I’m not here to take over. You don’t want to step down; you’ll be fine after this. Stop worrying,” I nervously said.
“You’ll see. Once you step into my heels, there’s no going back.”
“I—”
“All right, ladies, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We need to run more tests and scans,” the nurse said, walking in.
Brooke and I nodded, obviously baffled and stunned by Madam’s assumptions.
“You’ll find everything you need in my office. I know you will make me proud, both of you,” she alleged, only looking at me.
We kissed her goodbye and were quiet for most of the car ride to The Cathouse.
“Did you know?” I blurted
, breaking the silence in the car.
My head was spinning; there was no peace and quiet in my mind.
“Of course not. I’m just as puzzled as you are. But you know Madam; she’s impulsive. She may not mean anything by it.”
I glanced over at her, angling my head on the headrest. “When does she ever not mean what she says?” I justified.
“Is that something that you would want?” she replied, ignoring my statement.
“No…I don’t think so. Who was that guy in the room?”
She shrugged. “I think his name is Mika. I’ve seen him around a few times, every time it’s been secretive and random. I don’t think he’s a client.”
“A lover?”
She laughed. “Really? Madam? I don’t think so, probably just a partner or a fuck buddy. Lover has way too much meaning for her.”
We pulled into Madam’s driveway and she put the car in park. I grabbed her arm, stopping her from exiting the vehicle. “Brooke…”
“What?” she answered, knowing what I was about to ask.
“Are you okay?”
She smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
I arched an eyebrow. “Brooke…”
She sighed. “I’m fine. Am I a little hurt that it wasn’t me that she offered it to? Of course. You’ve always been her favorite, we all know it.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“That’s like asking why the sky is blue and the sun is bright. We won’t ever get answers, Bella. She does what she wants, that’s what makes her The Madam.”
I nodded, she was right.
Except, for the first time…
I wanted answers.
We spent the rest of the morning getting everything in order, making phone calls, scheduling appointments, and responding to RSVPs. I never realized how much work actually went into running VIP. Madam had everything organized in perfect order and it made it easier on us trying to make sense of it all. Brooke left around noon, saying she needed to run some errands, and I had the chef bring me some lunch. I was starving.
I kept my mind busy for as long as I could, but the second I let my mind wander to Sebastian, I swear to God, my heart called him.
Not even five minutes later…
I watched him barge through the office doors.
I got everything in order with the house and my business. Ysabelle seemed to be one step ahead of me, since everything was being taken care of at Chances. This was premeditated and I couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been that way. I took the next flight out. I knew exactly where she went and tried like hell to control my temper, but as soon as I shoved those double-sided doors open into Madam’s office…
I was fucking furious.
“Miss Ysabelle, I am sorry. He charged through as soon as I opened the door. I couldn’t stop him. Would you like me to call the police?”
I cocked my head at her, daring her to reply with what she was thinking.
She shook her head. “No, Hector, I have it under control. I’m sorry for his rude introduction. Thank you; you’re excused,” she announced, fitting every part of the role she was portraying.
It made me sick.
It made me want to hurt her. Badly.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I seethed.
“Calm down, okay? I don’t want to fight,” she argued.
“Well, you have a fucking shitty way of showing it. You leave me a Dear John letter after the night we shared and I’m expected to be fucking ecstatic that I find you in Satan’s office, looking like a whore?”
Her eyes widened. “Jesus…Sebastian.”
“Explain. NOW!”
“I’m not going to talk to you when you’re like this. We can talk when you’ve calmed down.”
I was over to her in four strides and she immediately backed away from me. Frightened.
“What the fuck? You’re scared of me?”
“No, of course not. But when you get like this, it’s overwhelming and it’s instinctual to back away from a bull.”
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet. Now, fucking tell me! Why are you back here? What are you doing?”
“I just needed a break, Sebastian!” she yelled, throwing her hands in the air.
“A break from me? A break from us?”
She urgently nodded. “Yes. A break from everything. I wasn’t planning on coming back here—it was a coincidence. Madam is in the—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck if Madam is in the goddamn morgue and you’re here to plan the funeral.”
“Oh my God, Sebastian. What is wrong with you?”
That did it. The fact that she was blowing me off like I was the bad guy was too much to take and I reacted. I pushed her up against the wall and caged her in, with each arm on each side of her body.
“You want to try that again? I fucking dare you.”
She gulped. “I understand why you’re upset.”
“You don’t understand shit and you don’t respect me. You wouldn’t be here if you did.”
“She needed help. I’m here to help,” she reasoned.
“Help sell your pussy? That’s what you’re helping with, right? See who the highest bidder is this time? You’ve been gone for a while, must be great for clients and sales,” I viscously spewed.
Her mouth dropped open. “Fuck you!” she roared, slapping me across the face. Hard. “I’m not here to be a VIP. I’m here to help keep everything in order,” she said through gritted teeth.
I opened my mouth, swaying my jaw around from her unexpected blow and found her intense stare.
“Just because you call it a VIP doesn’t make it anything other than selling your goddamn soul to the devil. You’ve done it before and you got away, why on earth would you come back to this place? Why?” I raged, wanting answers.
“Because this is my home,” she simply stated, knocking me on my ass.
It was like taking a bullet directly to the heart. Nothing had ever hurt me more than those five words. I backed away from her for her sake…and mine.
“Sebastian…” She promptly grabbed my arm, holding me in place. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. You’re my home, but this is like my parents’ house…okay…can you understand that? She’s the only mother I’ve ever known. I’m here to help until she gets well.”
“And then what?” I immediately countered.
“I wish I could tell you. You wanted me to stop running, I am. This is me, not running and being honest. I just need some time,” she justified.
My head fell back from laughing. “This is you not running?” I emphasized with my hands in her face. “That’s exactly what you’re fucking doing. You want to hurt me or else you wouldn’t be here.”
“That’s not true!”
“Prove it. You want space…I’ll give you the motherfucking equator; leave here and I’ll send you wherever you want to go. You can take your space or your goddamn break, but NOT here. I’ll leave you alone, Ysa. I promise you. Please…leave here. I’m begging you. You want me down on my knees, groveling for you to leave here? I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just go.”
She hesitated. “I gave her my word.”
“Yeah…well you gave me your heart. So where does that leave us?”
“Please don’t do this,” she murmured.
I placed my hand on her neck in a possessive gesture, running my thumb up and down her windpipe. “I thought watching you with another man at The Gala was the worst memory of my life. Not Olivia.” I paused to let my words sink in. “I let you believe that because I didn’t want to talk about that night. I’d much rather have you believe that her dying was my worst memory.”
Her eyes watered and her lip started trembling. I moved my hand to the nook of her neck and traced her quivering lip with my thumb. “This. Right now. Me looking at you, dressed like that. Seeing you in this office. Holding you but not feeling you.” I pulled her toward me and she stumbled on her heels, placing her hands on m
y chest for balance. I placed my mouth near her ear. “It’s my worst memory,” I whispered and she instantly broke down crying.
I kissed the side of her face where her tears were streaming.
And spun around, not looking at her.
I couldn’t see what my heart already knew.
She was a VIP.
I bawled my eyes out when he walked out on me. I didn’t know how long I sat there on the flooring, crying for it all. He had never walked out on me before and I knew that this time he was serious. I had loyalty to The Madam, why couldn’t he understand that? She’s the only mother I ever had. I wasn’t doing it to hurt him. How could he think that?
“Bella?”
I glanced up at her. I was in my room and Chance was by my side.
How did I get in here?
“Are you okay?” Brooke asked.
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Sebastian was here?”
“How do you know?”
“Hector said some man was here and that you were upset. I brought you some tea. It’s chamomile.”
She placed it on the nightstand and sat beside me. I lay down, putting my head in her lap. She rubbed my hair out of my face, massaging it at the same time.
“I’m sorry, Bella.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“What happened?”
“He’s pissed that I’m here.”
“Yeah…”
We stayed silent for a while.
“Why are you here?” she questioned.
“It all got so complicated. I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“Brooke, all I know is VIP. That’s it. I’m here because it’s home to me.”
“I understand. It’s home to me, too.”
I rolled over and looked up at her. “Why are you here?”
Her forehead wrinkled in thought. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…why are you a VIP? You’ve been here what? Ten, eleven years?”
She grinned. “A lady never tells her age, Bella.”
“No, don’t do that, don’t laugh it off. I don’t know anything about you and you don’t know anything about me. We’re supposed to be best friends and we know nothing outside of VIP about each other. Why are you here, Brooke?”