I heard it that night.
I heard her as plain as day.
It was instant, the exact same moment that I read the text message from Julia.
“Go.”
That’s all it took, “take me to the airport,” I ordered the cab driver.
I had no clue what was going through my mind as I stared out into the dark night through the plane’s window. I sat by an older lady who clutched a big gray bag in her lap.
“You going home or away from home?” she asked.
“Home,” I smiled, saying the word. I was going home. I turned back to the window, not trying to be rude, just wanting to let her know that I wasn’t really interested in conversation at the time. I had too much on my mind.
“You know, owning your burdens is half the battle,” she spoke again.
“Excuse me?”
“You seem to be carrying a heavy heart.”
“You might say that,” I smiled.
“Love?”
“You might say that too.”
“Are you going home to her now?”
“If she’ll have me. I’ve been pretty shitty to her, excuse me,” I said, catching my language.
“You can say shitty. Why have you not treated her well?”
“Um, it’s a long story.”
“We have three hours.”
“Okay…she lost her sister and I lost the love of my life. I’m afraid of never having that again.” What? Why the fuck was I telling this lady anything, let alone that. I had to still be drunk.
“You were in love with the sister and now you’re in love with the one that remains?”
“It’s complicated,” I said, a little smoother than I probably should have.
“I can keep up. Do you love her or are you doing this as an obligation.”
“I do love her. I have loved her since the day she was born. We grew up together.”
“You loved …what’s the other girl’s name?”
“Her name was Olivia.”
“And the sister that you’re going home to?”
“Julia.”
“You love Julia, you just don’t love her the way that you loved Olivia?”
“No, I mean, yes, I do love Julia. I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing. I just know that I have to try. I have loved these two girls before I even knew what the word meant. I had lost myself along the way these last few years and I need Julia. For the first time in a long time, thinking about her makes me feel whole again. If that makes any sense at all.” I staggered.
I didn’t want to talk to this lady about my relationship with my girls. I did. I poured it all out to her. She listened to me confess my deepest darkest secrets. Every last one of them. She knew about Olivia and me sneaking around to keep from hurting Julia. She knew the burden I carried about being responsible for Olivia’s death. I spilled my heart and soul to the total stranger, heading to Florida to see her sister.
She touched my arm as we exited the plane and left me with this.
“The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself.”
I placed my hand over hers.
“Thank you.” She knew what I was thanking her for, she was one of those people that you just never forget, and I didn’t even know her name.
I pounded frantically on Julia’s door. I knew she was sleeping. I knew it was late, I couldn’t stop. I had to do it, right that second.
“Sebby? What the hell are you doing?” Julia asked, opening the door. The expression on her face is a look that I will never forget. The sight of her was breathtaking.
She was the light in my darkness. She always was. I was just too stupid to realize it. I cupped the sides of her face and kissed her with as much love as I could invoke.
“I love you, Babygirl. I love you so fucking much. I’m so sorry.”
“Sebastian, what are you talking about? You’re drunk. You smell horrible.”
“I’m not drunk, Jules. I’m here right now, telling you that I love you. I want you. I want you to love me back.”
I watched her take the back of her hand, trying to wipe away the tear. It was a happy tear, I could tell.
“Tell me you want me. Tell me that you love me as much as I love you.”
“You know I do, Sebby. You know I always have.”
I had no intentions whatsoever in touching her that night. I grabbed a shower and walked out seeing her long blonde hair flowing around her face. She had one knee pulled to her chest as she watched me just as intently as I watched her. I crawled in beside her and she laid down, placing her hand on my cheek. She smiled as I kissed the inside of her wrist.
“I love you, Babygirl,” I whispered, as I moved closer to her lips. Her hands twirled in my hair and she moaned. Her lips felt silky and her skin smooth. Her tongue slipped into my mouth as I gently rolled her over, trying my best to show her that I loved her with my eyes, my touch, and my kisses. We explored each other’s bodies for the first time. We touched, sucked, and licked every corner and crevice. Nothing went uncharted.
We made love that night.
I clicked reset. I was home.
Chapter 11
I didn’t want to go back to school, come Sunday. Julia and I spent the entire weekend together. We reconnected in more ways than one. We needed to see if this was truly going to work. Neither one of us were too worried about the distance and the time away from one another. It was going to be difficult to be away from her, even though I was graduating in three months. I was still following my MBA, in New York. I had applied and was accepted months ago.
I still had my life in New York that I was returning to. Julia had her life in Miami; she still had two years until she graduated from college and then law school. Both of us had so much ahead of us still. We both wanted to be successful and school would have to come first. As painful as it was to be away from each other, we would find a way to make it work.
Julia was adamant about me downloading Skype when I got home. She said she couldn’t go a day without seeing my face. We had an amazing time and it wasn’t just the sex either. Although it was a damn plus, Julia was sensual and sexual. I got to know a whole other side to this girl that I have known my entire life.
Julia loved to be touched everywhere, she loved kissing, affection, and intimacy. It didn’t matter what position we were in she had to have some sort of connection. Even when were just lying around, some part of her body needed to be touching mine. She was a spider monkey. She was caught off guard with how vocal and controlling I was in bed, I could tell it turned her on.
She wasn’t a virgin and I didn’t expect her to be, I was grateful that she had only been with three other guys besides me. None of which were very good, she claimed. We fixed that real fast that weekend.
We laughed, talked, ate takeout, and watched the stupidest random things on TV. We barely watched any of it, because we were too busy getting reacquainted. Babygirl, was also a fiend, she wanted it all the time. I was happy to oblige.
She even turned on the pre-season games for the Marlins and Ray’s games. She booed the screen with me anytime the Yankees players came up to bat. I know what you’re thinking; I lived in New York and didn’t like the Yankees. Eh…they are a bunch of overpaid pussies. Julia didn’t make it any better when she said A-Rod was hot. I grabbed her by the waist and threw her in the pool, she laughed and called me sensitive.
Leaving her that Sunday was damn near impossible, neither one of us wanted to be apart. As familiar as we were to each other, we were still learning and exploring different parts of one another. Which felt right. I felt it in my bones.
We also celebrated the three year anniversary of Olivia’s death. We went to her gravestone, left some roses, and talked to her. There were no hard feelings on my part being there with Julia. It felt natural. Julia said that she thought Olivia would have been happy for us. I didn’t know how much of that statement was true, I went along with it. It was bittersweet. I think with Oli’s death came darkness for both of
us. Julia had told me how hard these last few years had been for her. It made me feel like an even bigger prick that I wasn’t there for her. But with her death, also came growth.
I had realized a lot about myself. Julia did as well. We matured and grew in separate ways, in ways that we may have not been able to do together. I didn’t think that Olivia or Julia had ever held me back or vice versa, I experienced life and everything in it on my own terms.
I became a man.
Babygirl was also a damn bed hog. She liked to sleep on me or near me. I wasn’t used to sleeping with anyone and I needed some space, one way or another she found me. Which moved me to the edge of the bed.
Sunday had finally come around and she woke up in my arms.
“Good morning, Babygirl.” I yawned.
“You have morning breath.” She moved to get out of the bed.
I hooked my arm around her naked waist and pulled her to me, “So do you, I still love it, I still want you. You’re not going anywhere.” She squealed as I buried my face into her hair. It smelled like coconut. She always smelled edible.
“Sebby, we have to get ready. We have just enough time to shower, eat breakfast, and take you to the airport.”
“I don’t want to go. Come with me.” I said pouting.
“You know that’s not possible. Don’t make this any harder than it’s going to be. We will see each other in a few weeks, when I come to visit.”
“Fine. We need to make a deal…no going more than four weeks without seeing each other.”
“Promise.” She stated.
“I think we should take a shower together to conserve water.” I smiled.
“Oh really? To conserve water, since when do you care about the environment.” She laughed.
“I’ve always cared about the environment.”
“Uh huh, come on.” She shouted grabbing my hand to bring me up. I reluctantly went and we spent the next hour in the shower.
I held her in my arms as I waited to board my plane. God that was hard. I couldn’t let her go.
“Sebby, go. You're going to miss your flight,” Julia coaxed.
“I can't let you go, Babygirl.”
“You're not letting me go. I'm going to see you soon.” I kissed her again and boarded my plane.
Our parents found out shortly after, that we had finally gotten together. Our mothers immediately started talking about the wedding.
We traveled to see each other every chance we got. We Skyped every night and some conversations were more interesting than others. We definitely got creative.
Even though our lives were separate from one another, we were more committed to each other with each passing day.
*Y*
My results from my ob-gyn came back all clear. I was healthy and free to move forward. The Gala was upon us and Madam was thrilled to be exhibiting me to the world, as she put it. Brooke and I became even closer. She had picked me up so that we could go find a dress for event. She said we only needed to go to one place Saks Fifth Avenue.
“Bella, what do you see yourself wearing? I honestly think you look great in everything, you have to have a preference.” She said, as we walked around the store for the fourth time, she had found her dress immediately and I still couldn’t find anything that called to me.
“I don’t know. Everything just seems so flashy, I don’t really like a lot of color.” We grabbed some more dresses and walked over to the dressing room. I changed in the dressing room while Brooke sat and waited.
“Brooke can I ask you something?” I asked, this was my chance to find out some stuff that was on my mind lately.
“Of course, you can ask me anything. You know that.”
“Well…I don’t really want Madam to know that I was…”
“Don’t worry Bella, I understand. Go ahead, ask.”
“Well…is Madam always so…”
“Intense.” She replied.
“Well, yes. She always seems to have everything so put together. I mean never a hair out of place. You know what I mean. Every time I have tried to ask her something it’s almost like she knows what I’m about to ask, without me evening saying the words.” She laughed.
“That’s because, she’s been doing this for a very long time. You know we aren’t her first girls. She was doing this long before we even came along.”
“Really? She doesn’t seem that old. I mean she can’t be older than her late forties.”
“True. Bella, she was born into this. This business has been in her family for generations.”
“Huh, how do you know that?”
“The longer you’re with us the more you’re going to catch on to. There’s a reason she picks us so young. She can mold us to what she wants us to be. I was eighteen when she found me, actually most of us were or at least close to that age. We are similar to age so that we can all grow older together, it bonds us more. Our lifespan with VIP is about early thirties. Once we hit that she finds all new girls to recruit.
Madam usually throws an annual party, twice a year where all the girls come. Now that is crazy, getting to see all of the women. They come from all over the world. It’s amazing to see. She unites, like a family. We’re like a huge sorority house, without all the cattiness and bitchiness. We all know what you’re going through Bella, we’ve been there, and we all experience this together. So don’t ever think you can’t come to any of us. We’re an elite family; always and forever.
Madam is intense and she does like things to go her way. She means well. It’s a business; you need to remember that too. She always takes care of us. The men that we’re with are handsome, Bella they aren’t average Joes. It’s a change of everything; your lifestyle is never going to be the same.”
“I understand.”
“Okay great! I’m starving. I think you should try this one. White looks amazing on your tan skin.”
Brooke dropped me off and I went straight for my car, without thinking I found myself on Devon’s doorstep. He opened his door and instantly embraced me.
“Kid, what an awesome surprise. Come in.” I walked in and we sat on the couch.
“Can I get you something to drink?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’ll take a Diet Coke.”
“So what’s up Kid? I haven’t seen you in a few weeks.” He said, handing me my drink.
“Not much.” God, I wanted to tell him so bad. I wanted him to know what was going on, I couldn’t, I promised, nevertheless that didn’t stop me from wanting to spill the beans.
“You look different.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, the clothes, your hair, and the makeup. You look great. Thought to give yourself a makeover, huh?” I chucked.
“Yeah…something like that. How are you? How’s the bar?”
“Same ole same ole, nothing too different. I hired a new girl, she’s young and eager.”
“Didn’t take you too long?” I felt a pang of jealously, like he was replacing me or something.
“You know how Miami is, there is always someone looking for a job. They come here thinking that they will become models.” I nodded.
I had the sudden urge to do something that was very unlike me. I scooted on the couch and pulled him into a tight hug. I could tell that I had caught him off guard. I was not a very affectionate person.
He hugged me just the same, one hand on my lower back and the other on the back of my head.
“Are you okay, Kid?” I could hear the concern in his voice. I don’t know what was going on with me. I think the past few weeks had finally caught up with me. I was happy and I just wished that I could share it with someone. I wanted Devon to know that I was going to be alright, he would always be a part of my life.
I’m still not sure why I went to his house that day. I’ve thought about it a lot for the last few years. I knew that I would always have him in my life, I have no idea why I found myself there that day.
I knew tomorrow my life was going to change. I was real
ly going to do this. I was going to sell myself for money. I don’t care how you paint the picture, that’s what I was going to do. There was no going back after that.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just, I don’t know, I guess I miss your ugly face, a little,” I joked.
“You just remember one thing. This ugly face is here anytime you need anything. I’m pretty good at fixing leaky pipes and stuff.”
I laughed. “You are not. You suck at fixing leaky pipes. We dirtied every towel in the house, trying to sop up water, remember? You forgot to shut the water off.”
“Nah, I did that on purpose. You busting your ass on the wet floor was worth the mess. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard.”
“Mmm hmm, and you called the plumber the next day on purpose too, right?”
“You’re still a brat, you do know that don’t you. You’re crushing my ego here.”
“Thanks for being there when I needed you,” I said, getting serious again. I don’t know where I would have been without Devon. He was the only one there for me when I carried my entire life in a backpack strung over my shoulder.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay. Something’s going on. Talk to me, Kid.”
“Nothing’s going on. I’m just very grateful that you were there and helped me out like you did. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Why? Because, I would have gotten into a lot of shit for hiring a minor?”
“What? You knew?” I asked shocked.
“I knew,” he admitted with a crooked smile. Now I really loved Devon. He took a chance on losing his license to help me, he gave me a place to sleep, and he still paid me under the table when I derailed his requests for my social security card.
“You’re good guy, Devon. How the hell did you know?”
“I didn’t at first. After a few weeks of you living with me I accidentally saw your driver’s license when I was grabbing money to pay for pizza.”
“You never said anything. I mean Devon that was a huge liability for you. You were harboring a minor in your home and workplace.” I reminded.
“I like to live on the edge. Besides, you’re too pretty to push away. I got attached to you.”