After lunch, everyone settles in the day room, but Kade asks me if I’d like to go for a walk. I check with my mother to see if she agrees, and she gives permission, albeit reluctantly. I follow Kade out of the door, trying to ignore the burning sensation of Parker’s eyes boring into my back. Kade and I walk wordlessly along the strip of beach next to our home, enjoying companionable silence. As nice as that is, I can’t ignore the unsteady beat of my heart, the want for him to touch me, kiss me. Do all the wrong things in all the right places.
“Junebug,” he says after a while when we come to a stop next to the deck.
“Yes?” I whisper softly, looking up at him. Kade fidgets, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He can’t quite meet my eye. “Why won't you look at me, Kade?” I ask softly, and he slowly raises his eyes to meet mine as though it pains him to do so. And when we finally look at each other, he lets me see all the pain, the regret, the hurt he’s suffered.
I gasp. I don’t know why, but with a single look, he’s bared his entire soul to me. And I can tell he’s hurting. Hurting so damn bad. My hand finds his cheek and I stroke it softly, whispering sweet nothings to make him feel better. It seems to help somewhat, and he soon relaxes into my embrace.
“You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, right?” he asks desperately, and I nod in his shoulder. “I would never,” he continues fiercely.
“Why did you give me that stupid gift then?” I ask.
“I was being a jackass.” He sighs. “There’s no good reason. I wanted to get a reaction from you. Wanted to see your face flush.” He steps away from me, grinning widely, and it’s so good to see him smile. “I always liked seeing you blush,” he says wickedly, pulling on one of my long braids.
We stare at each other, smiling softly. And I wish, just for one moment, he could forget about me being his little sister, that he could pull me close… Pull on my hair in an entirely different way. He leans closer.
“Junebug,” he whispers again. I want him to keep saying it.
“Mmm..." I'm too stricken to form complete words. His hand finds the small of my back, touching it softly, hesitantly. Our touch is so electric it almost makes me bounce back, but I force myself to stay in the same spot, savoring it. His lips are so close to mine… so deliciously close.
“June, it’s getting dark!” My mother’s voice cuts through the moment and my eyes meet Kade’s. The moment is over, and I think I see a flash of regret in his eyes. But then he moves in and gives me a peck on the cheek. So brotherly. So freaking disappointing. We return to the house, my desire for my stepbrother still burning. With hope wildly growing in my chest, like a spark that refuses to go out, I face the rest of our family.
“June, a moment?” Mom calls out when we get back. I nod and follow her into her room. I have a good relationship with my mother, always have. She’s soft-spoken but strong-minded. She’s the rock of this house.
“Yes?" My mother is facing the window, and I can’t see her face, but I can hear her sigh. “Is something wrong?” She sits on her bed and motions for me to come closer. I join her, but she still refuses to meet my eye. “Is everything okay?” I ask again. I need to know. I can’t take another blow.
“Listen, June,” my mother says softly, her voice caring but stern. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while.” She looks up at me. “Do you have a boyfriend, dear?” I blush violently. Even though we have a good relationship, my mother and I don’t share these kinds of conversations. I think of the boys at college and shake my head. None of them holds my interest. The only one I want is closer to home …
“June,” she continues. “I married your stepfather because I wanted you to have a father. I loved him very much, and the fact that he had a family played a big part in that as well. I wanted you to grow up with siblings,” she says. I nod vigorously and start to speak up, but she silences me with a hand in the air.
“You have to understand we are a family. First and foremost,” she says, now even more serious. My brows furrow, and I look at her questioningly. “I’m talking about your brothers, June.” I look away.
“Exactly.” She sighs. “You still don’t see them as your brothers, do you?”