“Barbara,” I said calmly, taking a step towards her with my arms outstretched.
The moment I did, I realized my mistake, knowing right away that she saw it as a sign of compliance. She thought I was going to sleep with her when really all I wanted to do was tell her it was all over.
She dashed into my arms and I stood there awkwardly, my whole body tense while she waited for me to give in to a passion I didn’t feel anymore.
“Barbara,” I said again, muttering against her hair thick with hairspray. “Please, look up at me.”
She did, her eyes hungry and filled with lust as they zeroed in on mine.
“Barbara, it’s over,” I told her softly, keeping my voice as gentle but as firm as I possibly could. “I’m going to move out. I can’t keep up this farce, this damn charade.”
She pulled away from me and I found myself scrambling for words, which had never happened to me before.
“We can’t keep going like this, darling,” I told her gently. “I’m sure you understand. We’ve been sleeping around on one another, our marriage is a sham and we both know it. Listen, Barbara, I’ll even let you have the money.”
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish’s, her blouse hanging half open and revealing the swell of her plump breasts. She was a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about it. But was she the woman for me?
No, she wasn’t. I felt more attracted to Kendall than I ever had to her mother, and the mere thought of the young girl only a few doors down the hallway filled me with need and lust that Barbara had never awakened in me.
“You don’t want to fuck me?” Barbara asked crudely, and I looked away, unable to handle the scrutiny of her gaze.
“Now, don’t take this personally,” I told her gently. “It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“Only everything,” she muttered.
I risked a look at her.
Standing there, she looked more vulnerable than I’d ever seen her. She was shivering, her body half-exposed, the shirt unbuttoned and showing off her beautiful, still toned and taut body. But I felt nothing, nothing but regret that I’d ever taken her to bed. I couldn’t bring myself to feel pity for her after everything she’d done, but apart from a soft memory of what could have been, there was nothing there anymore.
“I’m going to go,” I said, reaching out for her to give her one last hug.
I didn’t stop to think what this would mean for Kendall and me.
When I fucking wanted something, I got it one way or another, and Kenny wasn’t going to be away from me for much longer, because I wanted her more than anything else in my life, and I’d make sure she was at my feet, worshipping me like she should be.
“Don’t touch me,” Barbara hissed. “Don’t you fucking dare touch me.”
“Barbara…” I said calmly, but she wasn’t having any of it.
She pulled her blouse over her breasts furiously. I’d seen this happen before, but I had no choice. I couldn’t sleep with her anymore. The mere thought was disgusting, especially now that I was lusting after Kendall. I could never bear the touch of her mother again.
“Get out of my house,” she snarled, covering up. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Let’s not wake up the girls,” I said. “Let’s just do this calmly.”
“Fuck you,” she growled in response. “You always thought you knew better than me, didn’t you, Levi? You think you know what’s good for my girls but you don’t have a fucking clue, and I’m not letting you blame me for this fucking mess, too.”
I didn’t tell her I didn’t have to blame her for anything. Her daughters were bright enough to work it out for themselves.
She practically threw me out of the study.
Once I walked out into the hallway, she really started shouting.
I saw the girls peeking out from their rooms, Amanda’s eyes big and round, Kendall’s brimming with tears. I gave them both reassuring smiles, winking at Mandy and trying to convey more than I possibly could to Kendall with my eyes.
But it only pissed Barbara off more.
“Get the fuck out, you bastard,” she snarled at me. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“I’ll stay in touch,” I told the girls, and Kendall raised a hand over her mouth, sobbing openly.
“You little bitch,” her mother told her. “You’re going to take his side?”
“Leave her out of this,” I told Barbara roughly. “Don’t you fucking dare drag her into our issues.”
“Leave!” Barbara shouted, and I stared at Kendall for a long second before descending the stairs.
“I won’t disappear,” I shouted upstairs, hoping Kendall and Mandy believed me. “Girls, I won’t disappear. I fucking promise you that.”
I slammed the door shut and walked away from it all.