And I can’t wait to be a part of it.
But tonight, she’s solo — well, kind of. Kip might not be here, but just like always, she’s got Bear by her side.
My stomach twists when I spot them at a cocktail table across the dance floor, and I tear my eyes away from them before Bear has the chance to lock his on me. We haven’t spoken since he showed his ass at the Thanksgiving event he’d planned.
He’d tried calling me, but the truth was that I didn’t want to talk to him. Not now. Not after the way he acted toward Gavin.
If anyone in my life knows what I’ve been through, it’s Bear. And if anyone should know what a huge deal it is for me to open up to a guy, to let him in, to date him — it should be Bear.
He invited me there after denying my apology, after denying me all semester, and then he made me and my date feel like complete and total outcasts. It was like we were unwelcome, like we’d shown up despite him trying his best to avoid us.
I don’t know what’s going on with Bear, but I know one thing — I’m tired of putting in effort that he doesn’t reciprocate.
I’ve tried apologizing.
I’ve tried explaining.
I’ve tried mending our friendship.
And he won’t have any of it.
You can’t force someone to care about you, and you can’t always fix what’s broken.
“So,” Gavin says, wrapping me in his arms and pulling my attention away from the crowd. “What’s next for Erin Xander?”
“Hmm… well,” I say, lacing my hands behind his neck and looking up at the high ceiling. “Take the next few weeks off after graduation, try to relax I guess, and then sink or swim in law school.” I pause. “I’m sure my parents are hoping for the former, while I’m praying for the latter.”
“You’re going to be the most kick ass lawyer to ever exist,” he says matter of factly. “But I’m less interested in the school part, and more interested in what you’re going to do with these few weeks of freedom you have in-between.”
I shrug. “I told you. I’ll go home for the holidays, maybe relax by the pool or something.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
I tilt my head. “I mean… I want to do a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, what if you didn’t just go home and relax. What if you did something you really want to do, or something spontaneous and crazy before you commit yourself to law school?”
“Okay, I’m listening,” I say warily. “What do you have in mind.”
“What if we got out of here?”
“Like, took a trip?”
Gavin nods.
“You and me?”
Another nod, his smile climbing.
“Where would we go?”
“Anywhere,” he answers easily. “In fact… what if we didn’t make the decision.”
I cock a brow, confused.
“What if we let strangers make it for us.”
“Okay. You’ve lost me,” I confess.
Gavin kisses my nose, and the notion makes my heart flutter. How is it that this strange, shadow of a man has somehow wiggled his way into my heart?
“Let’s make a game of it. Pack a couple bags and just fucking go.” He snaps his fingers. “I know. We’ll go to the airport and pick two strangers. One of them gives us a terminal letter, the other gives us a number, and that’s the gate we go to. That’s the plane ticket we buy.”
I laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m serious as a heart attack.”
I shake my head, still laughing. “What if the flight is to another country?”
“Then we end up in another country,” he says easily, on a shrug, nonetheless, as if it’s no big deal. “You have a passport, right?”
“Well, yes, but…” I scramble for words, my mind reeling. “We wouldn’t know what to pack.”
“Pack the essentials. If it’s somewhere freezing, we buy a heavier jacket. If it’s somewhere warm, we buy a swimsuit.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It can be,” he says, tipping my chin with his knuckles, his eyes searching mine. “If you trust me.”
My heart surges in my chest, but this time, not from anxiety — but from pure, unadulterated excitement. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins, the unknown possibilities fluttering in my chest.
“This is insane.”
“Aren’t the best things in life?”
I chuckle, shaking my head again. “I’m scared,” I admit.
“I’ve got you.”
It’s a promise he seals with a peppering of kisses on my neck, my chin, my jaw as I laugh and wriggle in his grasp. And when he captures my lips with his, I sigh into the kiss, leaning into everything that he is, everything he’s brought into my life, everything still yet to come.
On the cusp of a new chapter in an already crazy life, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump, but terrified of the possible outcome all the same.