She wasn’t a leech.
When you did what was best for your kid, that didn’t make you anything but a mama bear. Willing to do anything and everything, use anyone, to get what was best for your child, was everything that a mother should be.
I lay there in silence for so long that I thought she was asleep. My mind working a thousand miles an hour. Thinking of possibilities. Things that we could do to circumvent what her father would throw our way. And yes, I was thinking our way, not just hers.
Because I was stupid.
I was a stupid motherfucker, and I was going about this all the wrong damn way.
What Delanie said about Dillan was right. But kind of opposite when it came to me. I needed to stop living for my brother. I needed to stop thinking about what would be best for the group, and instead focus on me.
And what I wanted to focus on was Delanie.
I wanted Delanie. Sitting here fighting it seemed stupid, mostly because we both wanted each other. It wasn’t like we were young and dumb anymore. We were adults. We needed to stop living for everyone else and find out what would work best for us.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Delanie was best for me.
That week that we’d snuck around with each other? It’d been the best of my life.
“Why did you fight so hard for Booth and Dillan, but you won’t fight for something that we could have?” Delanie whispered.
It was then I realized she thought I was asleep. She was whispering because she didn’t want me to hear.
But I did hear, and I realized very quickly that I might very well have broken what we had before we even really had it.
***
The next morning, I could tell she was nervous. And by nervous, I meant she was practically about to crawl right out the door if I gave her enough time to do so.
“You okay?” I asked curiously.
I knew that she wasn’t.
Also, I knew that she wouldn’t tell me whether she was okay or not.
I was glad that I’d come with her. Especially with how ill she looked right now.
Originally, it’d been because she didn’t like driving a trailer full of dogs through high-traffic areas. But at the last minute, the governor’s secretary had called to tell her that they would no longer be allowing the dogs on-site, and to have videos instead.
And when she’d said that she didn’t need me anymore, I’d been practical and told her that there really was no reason to drive two vehicles all the way down there. Which she’d reluctantly agreed with.
“So tell me more about why the governor is calling you to meet with him,” I said, trying to break through the ice fucking wall that Delanie had erected between us.
Hell, at this point, I could tell that not only was there a wall, but she was busy building a moat as well.
“Umm,” she hesitated. “I actually don’t know. I’m going because I was called. The woman who was responsible for the phone call said that she was Governor Bryan’s secretary and that he would like to meet with me to discuss my program, funding, and a few other things.”
That morning I’d woken up, used the facilities, brushed my teeth, and had been out the door to work out before she’d even had a chance to wake up.
I’d gotten back to her still in bed and had taken a shower.
When I’d gotten out, I’d found her awake and on the terrace that overlooked Austin, drinking a cup of coffee that she must’ve made using the in-room coffeemaker.
After getting dressed, I’d made my own, all the while formulating a plan in my head for how this needed to go.
I’d decided to talk to her. To get her to possibly reconsider her writing me off.
Because I knew that she’d done it. When I’d walked out earlier, thinking that I would talk to her and feel her out, maybe discuss us, she’d been like a completely different person.
There were no more smiles. No more coy glances.
Nope. She stared out the window the entire way to where we were going and never once acknowledged me.
“So do you have breaks between your meetings?” I asked, after telling her what I had planned. “Do you want to try to meet for lunch?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll just try to catch something in between meetings.”
I pulled over to the side of the building she would be going into, and when she went to bail out of the truck, I reached for her hand, stilling her progress.
“Wait,” I said softly.
She blinked and looked up.
“I heard what you said last night when you thought I was sleeping,” I murmured.
Her eyes widened slightly, and she shrugged. “It’s okay, Bourne. I know.”