Adamo rolled his eyes and gave me the finger. I advanced on him and grabbed his arm, jerking him to his feet. “Remo and I give you a lot of leeway, Adamo. But don’t forget who puts food on the table, who pays for all this, who makes sure you are safe. Show some respect or I’ll have to teach it to you.” Remo and I didn’t like to punish Savio or Adamo with violence, but Adamo was testing both our patience.
Adamo jutted out his chin. “Are you going to try out a few new torture methods on me?”
“I don’t need to test out new methods. I’ve been using the same for many years and they are very effective.”
Adamo had never been subjected to our father’s torture, only Savio, Remo and I. It was a good thing, but it also made him weaker and an easier target. However, neither Remo nor I would raise his pain tolerance by torturing him.
Adamo grimaced. “Do you use them on the girl?”
“No.”
“Will you?”
“No.”
As I’d said to Remo, Serafina was an innocent woman and didn’t deserve the choice he’d given her, or being the victim of my very particular talents.
“Can you say more than no?” he grumbled, trying to free himself from my grip. I didn’t release him, tightening my hold.
“I can, and I would, if your questions required more than a simple ‘no’ answer.”
“I feel bad for her. She’s just a girl. Why does Remo want to hurt her?” The insolence was gone from his voice and he sounded like the little boy I’d read Harry Potter to.
I dropped my hand and he rubbed the spot, avoiding my eyes. I said, “I’m not sure if he wants to hurt her.” I didn’t think even Remo knew what exactly he wanted with the girl.
Adamo snorted. “Yeah, right. When did Remo ever not want to hurt someone?”
“He doesn’t want to hurt you, Adamo. You know that.”
“Yeah…”
“Your initiation is an important day. This is about more than loyalty to the cause, to the Camorra. This is about loyalty to our family, to Remo.”
“Will you turn this into a guilt trip so I take the oath?”
“Guilt is an irrelevant notion to me, you know that.”
Adamo let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, I got that. For you and Remo both, and for Savio whenever it suits him best.”
“Do you feel guilty for killing the Outfit soldier?”
Adamo sank back down on the bed and fiddled with his headphones, giving a small shrug. “Kinda.”
“Kinda? What does that mean?”
“I know you’re all keeping something about our mother from me. I want to know what it is. If I’m old enough to become a Made Man, I’m old enough for that, right?”
“Now isn’t the right time. Don’t concern yourself with the past.”
Adamo reached for a packet of cigarettes on his nightstand. He seemed to catch himself, darting his eyes to me and withdrawing his hand. I grabbed the packet and stuffed it in my back pocket.
“Hey!”
I raised one eyebrow, daring him to say more. He’d buy more cigarettes. Still, he needed as much discouragement as possible to stop this unhealthy habit. “Answer my question.”
“I feel guilty for not feeling guilty.”
That was completely unreasonable.
Adamo groaned. “Because I should feel guilty, but why do I bother explaining that to you?” He tilted his head, making a few of his curls fall into his eyes. “How do you make sure not to hurt Kiara? I don’t get it.”
“By monitoring her reactions and adapting my behavior accordingly.”
He shook his head. “Even your marriage is pure logic.”
It wasn’t, not anymore, but neither Adamo nor Savio knew of the recent changes I’d experienced. I didn’t want to explain them to my younger brothers until I was sure of their extent and understood them better.
“Maybe it would do you good to control your emotions on occasion? Logic might help you navigate your current emotional instability.”
Adamo’s face scrunched up. He threw himself back on his bed and put his headphones back on. Stifling my frustration with his irrational behavior, I turned and left him to his sulking.
KIARA
“Are you worried Adamo will refuse the tattoo today?” I asked as I lay in Nino’s arms after sunrise, tracing his tattoos and the hard ridges of his abs.
“Not exactly worried, no. I think he’ll see reason.”
I shook my head, and Nino pulled back to regard me with a frown. “Did he tell you anything?” There was definitely a hint of concern in his voice.
“No,” I said. “But I don’t think Adamo will do it because he sees it as the reasonable choice. He isn’t like that. Adamo is driven by emotions. He’ll take the tattoo because he loves you, Remo and Savio, because he’s loyal to you.”
Nino nodded and gradually his expression softened before he bent down to press a kiss to my mouth. I smiled against his lips and touched his cheeks, enjoying the feel of his beard against my palms. We stared into each other’s eyes and I could hardly resist telling Nino I loved him again. He was trying to come to terms with his emotions and I didn’t want to pressure him. It still seemed a miracle that he’d said it at all, and with Nino his actions always spoke louder than his words. “Will I be alone in the mansion today? I’m sure you all want to be there for Adamo, Fabiano included.”