Spencer’s heart was racing. “Why hasn’t anyone ever told me this?”
Her mother looked at her dad. “The whole thing was so strange. I thought it might upset you, knowing you’d missed a whole week. You were such a worrier after that.”
Spencer gripped the edge of the table. I might have missed more than a week of my life, she wanted to say to her parents. What if it wasn’t my only blackout?
She shut her eyes. All she could hear was that crack from her memory. What if she had blacked out before Ali disappeared? What had she missed that night?
By the time Pooh set down their steaming plates, Spencer was shaking. Her mother cocked her head. “Spencer? What’s wrong?” She swiveled her head to Spencer’s father. “I knew we shouldn’t have told her.”
“Spencer?” Mr. Hastings waved his hands in front of Spencer’s face. “You okay?”
Spencer’s lips felt numb, as if they’d been injected with novocaine. “I’m afraid.”
“Afraid?” her father repeated, leaning forward. “Of what?”
Spencer blinked. She felt like she was having the recurring dream where she knew what she wanted to say in her head, but instead of words coming out of her mouth, out came a shell. Or a worm. Or a plume of purple, chalky smoke. Then she clamped her mouth closed. She’d suddenly realized the answer she was looking for—what she feared.
Herself.
22
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE ROSEWOOD—FROM 3,000 FEET UP
Friday morning, Hanna stepped out of Lucas’s maroon Volkswagen Jetta. They were in the parking lot of Ridley Creek State Park, and the sun was barely up.
“This is my big surprise that’s supposed to make me feel all better?” She looked around. Ridley Creek Park was full of undulating gardens and hiking trails. She watched as a bunch of girls in running shorts and long-sleeved T-shirts passed. Then a bunch of guys on bikes in colorful spandex shorts rode by. It made Hanna feel lazy and fat. Here it was, not even 6 A.M., and these people were virtuously burning off calories. They probably hadn’t binged on a whole box of cheddar-flavored goldfish crackers last night, either.
“I can’t tell you,” Lucas answered. “Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
Hanna groaned. The air smelled like burning leaves, which Hanna always found spooky. As she crunched through the parking lot gravel, she thought she heard snickering. She whipped back around, alert.
“Something wrong?” Lucas said, stopping a few paces away.
Hanna pointed at the trees. “Do you see someone?”
Lucas shaded his eyes with his hand. “You worried about that stalker?”
“Something like that.”
Anxiety gnawed at her belly. When they’d driven here in semi-darkness, Hanna felt like a car had been following them. A? Hanna couldn’t stop thinking about the bizarre text from yesterday about Mona going to Bill Beach for plastic surgery. In some ways, it made sense—Mona never wore anything that revealed too much skin, even though she was way thinner than Hanna was. But plastic surgery—anything but a boob job, anyway—was kind of…embarrassing. It meant genetics were against you, and you couldn’t exercise your way down to your ideal body. If Hanna spread that rumor about Mona, her popularity quotient might sink a few notches. Hanna would have done it to another girl without batting an eye…but to Mona? Hurting her felt different.
“I think we’re okay,” Lucas said, walking toward the pebbly path. “They say the stalker only spies on people in their houses.”
Hanna rubbed her eyes nervously. For once, she didn’t need to worry about smudging her mascara. She’d put on next to no makeup this morning. And she was wearing Juicy velour pants and a gray hoodie she often wore to run laps around the track. This was all to show they were not on some queer early morning date.
When Lucas showed up at the door, Hanna was relieved to find that he was wearing ratty jeans, a scruffy tee, and a similar gray hoodie. Then he’d flopped into a leaf pile on their way to the car and squirmed around like Hanna’s miniature Doberman, Dot. It was actually kind of cute. Which was totally different from thinking that Lucas was cute, obviously.
They entered a clearing and Lucas turned around. “Ready for your surprise?”
“This better be good.” Hanna rolled her eyes. “I could still be in bed.”
Lucas led her through the trees. In the clearing was a rainbow-striped hot air balloon. It was limp and lying on its side, with the basket part tipped over. A couple of guys stood around it as fans blew air up into the balloon, making it ripple.
“Ta-daaa!” Lucas cried.
“Okaaay.” Hanna shaded her eyes with her hand. “I’m going to watch them blow up a balloon?” She knew this wasn’t a good idea. Lucas was so lame.
“Not quite.” Lucas leaned back on his heels. “You’re going up in it.”
“What?” Hanna shrieked. “By myself?”
Lucas knocked her upside the head. “I’m going with you, duh.” He started walking toward the balloon. “I have a license to fly hot air balloons. I’m learning to fly a Cessna, too. But my biggest accomplishment is this.” He held up a stainless steel carafe. “I made smoothies for us this morning. It was the first time I’d used the blender—the first time I’ve used a kitchen appliance at all, actually. Aren’t you proud of me?”
Hanna smirked. Sean had always cooked for her, which always made Hanna feel more inadequate than pampered. She liked that Lucas was boyishly clueless.