“What the fuck? That has nothing to do with this.”
“Lake has a point,” Falcon agrees.
“Do you blame yourself for her getting hurt?” Lake throws another question at me.
I scowl at him. “I blame that fucker.”
“But I shoved him,” Falcon says. When my eyes dart to him, our gazes lock. “So, it’s actually my fault.”
“Now you’re getting technical,” I snap.
“Exactly,” Lake exclaims.
The realization of what they’re trying to tell me takes the breath from my lungs. I lower my head, not able to deal with the weight of the emotions.
Lake gets up and pushing the table away, he crouches down in front of me. When I see the tears in his eyes, my heart cracks wide open.
“Please, Mace,” he begs, “It’s killing me watching you blame yourself.” He lets out a shaky breath. “You know I’ll never lie to you, right?”
I nod, unable to speak right now.
“Then if you can’t trust yourself, trust me. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
My body begins to shake, and my guilty conscience wars with the unbreakable bond I have with Lake.
Falcon places a hand on my back and says, “We’re always the first to tell you when you fuck up, but Jen’s death wasn’t your fault.”
It feels like world war three just exploded inside of me. I close my eyes, and my chest actually begins to ache from all the tension. I take a couple of breaths before I admit, “It’s going to take a while for me to accept the fact that it was an accident.”
“That’s understandable,” Falcon says. “We’ll just keep reminding you until it’s sunk in.”
Lake gets up, and as he wipes his cheek, he mumbles, “Even got me crying.”
“It’s much more effective than the innocent look you use on us,” I grumble.
“Yeah?” he lets out a burst of laughter as he moves the table back to its original place. “I’ll remember that next time you threaten to beat the shit out of me.”
I shake my head and grumble, “You ever use it on me again, I’ll make you eat the damn pillow.” I rub a hand over my chest. “Seeing you cry fucking cracked my heart open like you did with that damn lobster from this morning.”
Lake sits up again and complains to Falcon, “Do you know what this ass did to me this morning?”The elevator doors open on the top floor of CRC, and when I step out, the receptionist smiles professionally. “Good morning, Mr. Chargill.”
“Morning, the President is expecting me,” I say as I walk past her desk.
I knock once, and then let myself into my father’s office before shutting the door behind me.
“Oh, good. You’re here,” my father says, getting up from behind his desk. He points to the conference desk on the right side of his office.
“Morning,” I mumble as I sit down on his right.
“I want you to look at this and give me your opinion,” he gets right down to business.
I glance at the screen then ask, “A proposal?”
“Yes, tell me whether it would be a loss or investment to go ahead with it.”
“Okay.” I pull the laptop closer and begin looking through the file.
A couple of minutes later, my father places an old folder next to me on the desk.
“What’s that?”
“An old deal. When you’re done with the one on the laptop, look through this one and see if you would’ve done anything differently.”
“You’re giving me homework?” I ask.
“No, I’m showing you the reality of what working here will be like.”
“Did Grandpa make you do this, too?”
“No, he threw me in the deep end and told me to sink or swim.” My father sits down behind his desk and returns his attention to his work.
Frowning, I turn in my seat, so I can see him. “Then why are you helping me?”
Without lifting his head, he answers, “Because I’ve already watched you sink once. I won’t let you down a second time.”
His words leave me stunned, and I can’t think of a reply, so I turn back and stare at the laptop screen.
This is the first time he’s spoken about anything related to Jennifer’s death. I knew he was struggling with his own demons, and I never for one moment thought he let me down. I’m not as close to my parents as I used to be, but I don’t blame them for it. Everyone deals differently.
Without looking at him, I ask, “Do you still sleep at the office?”
“No, your mother threatened to divorce me,” he mutters.
I’m surprised it took her so long.
“Is she still drinking too much?” Damn, I’m a shitty son.
“No, I threatened to divorce her.”
I let out a bark of laughter.
“We’re going for couples counseling. You want to join us?”
This time I glance back at him from over my shoulder. “I don’t need counseling.” He begins to frown, and I quickly add, “I have Falcon and Lake. They’re helping me deal with everything.”