Looking down at his chart, the doctor paused for a moment before continuing. Abel was already choked up just from hearing the words respiratory arrest and brain damage. Roni was sniffing and wiping tears away again.
“Are you the father?” the doctor glanced up from his chart.
Abel stared at him, confused. “Whose father?”
The doctor pressed his lips together, frowning since both Roni and Abel were staring at him, dumbfounded. “Perhaps she hadn’t told anyone yet. She’s a few weeks along in her pregnancy.”
Exchanging glances, both Abel and Roni shook their heads. “No,” Roni brought her hand to her mouth and glanced back at Nellie’s lifeless body. “We didn’t know, but, yes, he would be the father.”
Speechless, Abel was utterly speechless. He knew he should be happy, but this only terrified him more.
“The bad news is that she had to be put into a medically induced coma to force air into the lungs. How long her body will require the tubes to flow oxygen into her lungs is not something we can predict, and they won’t be removed until she comes out of it—if she comes out.”
The doctor looked up at them, and Abel had to sit down before he passed out. Those last four words had made him dizzy.
“Now I say if only because I have to make you aware that there is that possibility. She could come out of this in a few hours, a few days, or weeks maybe, but there is that small possibility that she may not ever. If she does, it won’t be until she’s further along that we can do tests to see if the baby suffered any damage from this or not.”
Leaning over his legs with his elbows on his knees, Abel dropped his face into his hands, unable to hold it in anymore and cried. Instantly, Roni was at his side, rubbing his back. “She’s gonna be okay, Abel,” Roni cried. “She has to be.”
That bad feeling he’d felt was back again, and for as much as he tried to stay positive like his mom had urged, he felt completely broken now. Something else his mom had been known to say on more than one occasion came to him. “You can’t have it all.”
His mother had insisted that no one had it all. You might have a lot more of something in your life than others, but there is always something you have a lot less of. God never gives everyone everything. He knew it was too much to ask for. He was being greedy, but Abel now felt the overwhelming need to have both Nellie and his baby make it. Already, he was bargaining with God. He’d gladly trade all his fame and money—his title—everything if Nellie would just get better and they’d both come out of this unharmed. Then that other saying his mother also said often slammed into him once again. The most important things in life can’t be bought.
The only choice he had now was to pray, so he did, harder than he’d ever prayed in his life.
Chapter 21
“Have you decided?”
Nellie still couldn’t see who was asking, but she’d gotten used to it. “I think I have.”
There were parts of her life in that other world that were blurry. Some were very clear: she had no children, she was no longer married, and she lived alone. But there were other things equally as clear: her parents, Roni, Gus. They all loved her, but none of them needed her to come back. Her parents had each other. Roni had Noah and Jack now. Gus had his grandparents and Courtney. Yet there was a nagging feeling in her gut. As peaceful and wonderful as it was here, something told her she needed to go back. She’d begun to once already, but the pain in her chest was like fire in that other world, so she’d quickly run back to the peaceful painless world she’d been strolling in for who knew how long.
“I think . . . I’m going to . . . stay here.”
“But your baby.”
“I don’t have a baby.”
The voice changed again. She’d heard it before. It sounded so pained that it hurt her heart.
“You’re having my baby, our baby, Nellie. Please come back.”
Suddenly recognizing the voice, her heart ached even more profoundly, awakening the memory of the only other time when her heart had felt this kind of unbearable pain: Not when she’d found out about Rick and Courtney’s betrayal. Not when both her grandparents were killed in a car accident a few years ago. Not even the fire she’d felt in her chest when she’d almost gone back to that other world. A visual came to her out of nowhere, a visual of a man hitting the floor so devastatingly hard that his head bounced. It hurt more than any pain she’d ever experienced in her life because it was her fault he’d gone down, and she needed to get to him now. He was hurting too, and only she could help him.
In the next instant, the pain in her heart was drowned out by the burning in her chest, a burning that got worse with every breath she took as her entire body now bathed in the torturous pain. She couldn’t go back to that peaceful place anymore. She had to come back, and now she knew why. There was no question in her mind that this pain was worth it, even if it was spreading. The pain was in her head now too. It was in her throat like scorching lava and seared through every vein in her body. If she had the strength to scream, she’d do it until her voice ran out.
Chapter 22
“Come back to me, baby,” Abel begged, squeezing Nellie’s hand.
Nellie had only been out for two days, but it felt like a lifetime to Abel. The doctors had warned him that the longer she stayed comatose the chances of her coming out of it and the baby’s chance of survival, even if Nellie did come out of it, decreased dramatically. She’d given him hope yesterday when she’d begun to react to Abel begging her to come back, but then she gasped and fell right back into it. Ever since then, Abel had refused to leave her side for longer than a few minutes at a time.