She wouldn’t do it again. She wouldn’t be that much of a fool. Mac would do his own thing, always had and always would. It was how he operated. He’d charm with his sincerity, his kisses. He’d say all the right things but nothing would change, not really.
The best predictor of future behavior was past behavior, she reminded herself.
“I’m sorry I went behind your back, but I was trying to avoid an argument,” Mac said from the doorway to her bedroom.
“Well, you got one anyway.” Rory picked up a pile of T-shirts and carefully placed them in her suitcase, her back to him.
* * *
Mac leaned his shoulder into the door frame and felt like he’d been catapulted back ten years. The argument was different but her method of dealing with conflict was exactly the same as her sister’s.
The difference between the two sisters was that he wanted to apologize to Rory, needed to sort this out. He didn’t want her to run.
“I didn’t touch you to distract you or to get out of trouble. You’re right, I’m not that good.”
Rory’s narrowed eyes told him he had a way to go before he dug himself out of this hole. But that particular point was an argument for another day. He sighed. “And yes, I should’ve been upfront with you about doing the exercises. Though, in my defense, it’s been a very long time since I asked anybody for permission to do anything.”
Like, never.
“The lie bothers me, but it’s the insult to my intelligence that I find truly offensive. That you would think I wouldn’t realize...”
Ouch. Mac winced. “Yeah, I get that.”
Rory sighed. “That being said, I can’t take lies, Mac. Or evasions or half-truths.”
Rory tossed a pair of flip-flops onto the pile of shirts in her suitcase. Mac cursed himself for being an idiot. She’d told him about her father and his deceit, and if he’d thought about it, he would’ve realized keeping secrets from her was a very bad idea.
He sucked at relationships and that was why he avoided them. So if he was avoiding relationships, why the hell was he determined to get her to stay?
“Don’t go, Rorks. It isn’t necessary. I need you. I can’t do this without you.”
He could, but he didn’t want to. A subtle but stunning difference.
He needed her. For something other than her skill as a physio and the way she made him feel in bed. It was more than that...his need for her went beyond the surface of sex and skill.
Dammit, he hated the concept of needing anyone for anything. It made him feel...weak. He was a grown man who’d worked damn hard to make sure he never felt that way again.
Yet he was prepared to beg if he had to. “Please? Stay.”
Rory turned slowly. “Will you listen to me?”
“I’ll try,” he conceded, and lifted his hand at her frown. He wasn’t about to make promises he couldn’t keep, not even for her. “Will you try to accept that I know my body, know what I can do with it?”
“It’s such a huge risk, Mac.” Rory bit her lip. “You’re playing Russian roulette and you might not win.”
“But what if I do?” Mac replied. “If I do, I place myself and my team and my friends in a lot stronger position than we are currently in. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“I’m not sure that I am.” Rory sat down on the edge of the bed. “I have a professional responsibility to do what’s best for you, and this isn’t it.”
“I’ll sign any waiver you want me to,” Mac quickly said.
Rory waved his offer away. “It’s more than playing a game of covering the legalities, McCaskill. This is your career, your livelihood at stake.”
“But it’s my career, my livelihood.” Mac held her eye. “My decision, Rory, and I’m asking you this one time to trust me. I can’t live with negativity, I just can’t.”
“I’m not being negative, I’m being realistic,” Rory retorted.
“Your perception of reality isn’t mine.” Mac sat down next to her on the bed and looked down at the cotton rug below his feet. “I really believe that part of the reason why I’ve been successful at what I try is that I don’t entertain negativity. At all. If I can think it, I can do it, and I don’t allow doubt. I need you to think the same.”
“Look, I believe in the power of the mind, but everything I’ve ever been taught tells me you need time, you need to nurse this... It will be a miracle if you regain full strength in that arm.”
He couldn’t force her to believe, Mac thought in frustration. He wished he could. He blew air into his cheeks and rolled his head to release the tension in his neck.