I marked up some of her columns and returned the paper to her. “These numbers seem too good to be true. Let’s repeat it.”
“Alright.” She took her papers back.
I returned to my work.
“Deacon?”
I lifted my chin and looked at her head on.
“Would you like to come over for dinner tonight? I’m cooking.”
I stared at her blankly, unsure why she was asking me the question. She’d never asked me to do anything before, at least not outside of work. But then it dawned on me…she was hitting on me. I’d never received an advance from a colleague before. This was the first time.
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. No is a perfectly acceptable answer. I just knew I’d regret never asking.”
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t think of any words to explain the way I felt about her question. It’d been six weeks since I called it quits with Cleo, and while time passed, my progress hadn’t advanced. “I’m not really looking for anything…” I hadn’t been on a date. I hadn’t picked up a woman at the bar. I’d just been alone.
“If you’re referring to a relationship, I’m okay with that. Just something physical is fine. It’s been hard for me to meet anyone I like. When I go out, I feel really disappointed by the options. I feel like there’s no one out there I can really connect with. I know it’s inappropriate to go after a colleague, but…you’re so brilliant. It’s just easy for me.”
I didn’t have a policy against personal relationships between colleagues because it wasn’t something I’d ever considered. It didn’t seem like a complicated situation because everyone was so professional and decided to their work. While Kathleen was beautiful and compatible, the thought never crossed my mind. I just didn’t think of her that way. I didn’t think of anyone that way. “I’m with Cleo.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you weren’t seeing each other anymore?”
“We aren’t…but I’m still with her…” I couldn’t explain it better than that. I’d never struggled so hard to explain how I felt.
Her eyes softened. “You mean you’re still in love with her.”
I nodded. “Yeah…I am.”
Tucker sat across from me at the table in the bar, talking with his beer in his hand. “I mean, I’ve met a girlfriend’s parents before, but I’m still nervous anyway. I really like Pria, you know? If they don’t like me…it’s an uphill battle.”
I nodded. “You’ll be fine, Tucker.”
“You think?”
“What’s there not to like?”
He grinned. “Very true.”
“You make good money, have a steady job, have good looks—you’re a suitable partner.”
His smile died away. “Well, if you’re gonna base it on how I sound on paper…”
A woman came up to our table, appearing out of thin air. “Hey, I’m Rebecca.” She extended her hand.
I stared at her blankly before I shook her hand.
“I think you’re really cute, so I wanted to introduce myself. What’s your name?”
I continued to look at her like I had no idea what to do. “I’m not interested.” My words were harsh, even to my own ears, but I didn’t know what else to say. That was the truth—right to the point.
“Uh…alright.” She left the table.
Tucker watched me.
My beer was empty, so I waved down the waitress and ordered another. She got it right away and placed it in front of me.
Tucker continued to stare.
“What?”
“I know you told me to butt out, but you reject every woman who comes on to you, consistently.”
I dropped my gaze and took a drink.
“It’s fine that you don’t want to be with someone else. But if you aren’t with the one person you actually want to be with, it just doesn’t make any sense, Deacon. What the hell are you doing?”
I didn’t have a clue.
“Deacon?”
I raised my gaze. “What?”
“Answer the question.”
“Assumed it was rhetorical.”
“Well, it’s not. Answer me.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, Tucker.”
“You don’t know?” he asked incredulously. “Yes, you do. Be with Cleo.”
I dropped my gaze again.
“You’re obviously in love with her. No other reason you’re turning down ass left and right, otherwise.”
I stared at my beer. “I am in love with her.”
Tucker stilled, like he couldn’t believe what I’d said.
I’d never told him how I felt about her. I was never one to broadcast my feelings.
“Then why aren’t you with her?”
“I just… I don’t know.”
He leaned forward, his elbows on the table. “Deacon, don’t drag your feet on this. It’s already been months. You wait too long, and she’ll end up with somebody else.”
“I love her, but I’m not ready to be in a relationship again.”
“Then tell her that.”
“Tell her what?” I asked. “That I don’t want to be with her? I think that’s pretty clear.”
“No. Tell her you want to take it slow. That you’re still there, you just need time.”
I drank from my beer.
“Tell her, or I’ll tell her. Because it’s been a long time since you broke up, and she could end up with someone else.”