She took a deep breath and bit her lip, signs she was considering my offer, though she was conflicted.
“Where will I sleep? You just have one big very white room.” This seemed to make her tremble.
“Believe it or not, this has been the hardest part of these negotiations for me. Remember, I too am giving up some of my freedom. I’m also going to be a father; that was never on my bucket list … trust me. I gave up that dream a long time ago.” Actually, I hadn’t, but the thought of being a father still filled me with horrifying fear.
Kylie’s child would be my first, but I had been an expectant father once. I vowed I would never go through that kind of pain ever again. For some insane reason, Kylie gripped me. I should have used protection, but part of me didn’t care. If there was a person on this planet that I’d actually even consider having a child with, Kylie was it. I barely knew her, and yet I loved the idea of her. As our arrangement stood, I’d see the baby after she moved out, and we’d share custody unless she sued me for the full responsibility of our baby, then I’d consider letting her have the child and go back to my rather dull but sexually promiscuous bachelor life.
I owned an apartment in Manhattan. It had three bedrooms, two stories, and was rather lavish. I used the place for parties, and it’s where I brought mistresses I wanted to fuck more than once at a hotel. That wasn’t home. It was a place where I conducted private business. I couldn’t imagine living there. While it would have been much better suited for Kylie and me, I didn’t want that. The intimacy my penthouse provided would bring Kylie and me closer. Perhaps if we ended up hating each other we would need a different living arrangement, but I didn’t anticipate that kind of drama for us.
I also had a house in upstate New York, it was massive, and the two of us were sure to get lost in it. I’d never see her. That was my summer vacation residence and a place I used when I went skiing. We could visit, but it was far too big and too far from the city for it to be considered. I wanted her in my sanctuary.
“I was hoping you’d sleep in my bed. It’s huge. Also, I promise, and trust me—here is where I’m making a sacrifice. I will allow you to dictate what happens to us sexually. I’ll want sex with you every night, but I’m going to leave the sexual initiation to you, at least at the start. If we never start a sexual relationship, I’ll be honest, I’m going to be disappointed, but if we do, it will be you who begins it. I want that part of our relationship in your hands.” I hated relinquishing my power in that regard, but I knew Kylie would never accept my terms if I didn’t. “You will live with me in the loft until the baby comes. I’ll give you a private space, with a desk and computer and a couch, but we won’t have any walls between us. If you need space from me, you may take twenty-four hours once every two weeks to go back home to your roommates. Also, you can get away for a few hours every day, if you need it, but if we have an engagement, that takes priority. The world must see us as a couple. I have a large apartment in Manhattan, but I use that for mistresses and private parties. I don’t want us living there.”
“So, you’ll be having other women while I bake your baby in a place with no walls or doors so that we can be intimate? Yay … where do I sign?” Her eyes skewered me.
“Well, if we never become intimate, I might consider meeting a woman at my apartment. In fairness to you, though, and the sacrifice you’re making to bring our child into this world, I promise I will tell you when I am going to be with the woman, who she is, and where we will be. It would only be after you refuse me to a point that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt there would never be an ‘us.’” I probably went a little too far into the commitment zone for my own comfort, but I said what I said … it was out there. “Until that point, consider me invested in you. Now … what do you say?”
I studied her face and saw she was considering my offer; it was the most encouraging sign I’d gotten all evening.
Chapter 19
Kylie
“What happens if I say no?” I had to see what the other side of this might look like.