My fingernails dug his shirt into his skin. “When? What did you see?”
He set his hands beside my thighs, as if he couldn’t trust himself to touch me. “We saw...you. We came through a doorway, and you came running when you spotted us. You smiled and you jumped into his arms. His. Not mine. You chose him, and even kissed the hell out of him right in front of me.”
“When did this vision happen?” I insisted.
“The morning I ended things with you. I was so worried about you, on edge, and then he came in the room, and our eyes met, and there it was. The vision.” He pressed his forehead against my sternum. “It was terrible, Ali. I reacted the same way I would have if you’d just cheated on me. I wanted to kill Gavin, and I’m not talking figuratively. I wanted to shake you, then kiss you, then force you to make promises I was sure you couldn’t keep.”
Emotion clogged in my throat. I could imagine the pain and betrayal he must have felt—because I would have felt them, too. “Have you guys had another vision?”
“No.”
I thought I’d nixed my wall theory, but...walls could have fallen amid his concern for me, and then gone back up amid his anger. If so, that would mean my walls kept falling, too. At least with Gavin. What did that mean?
“Why didn’t you tell me this had happened?” I asked.
“I didn’t tell you a lot of things,” he replied darkly.
“Like?”
“Like...” He tangled his fingers in his hair, tugged on the strands, as if to rip them free. With a bitter laugh, he said, “Why not? What I’ve done so far has only made things worse. I’m miserable. You’re miserable. Why not try a new path?”
“Cole! Please.” My patience was already in tatters.
He closed his eyes, said flatly, “There’s a spy among us.”
“I know. I saw him—”
“No. In our group.” He pinned me with a gaze that failed to hide the torment inside him. “It’s one of us. Someone we trust. I’ve known for a while.”
“I know that much, too. So I ask again, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Wait. How did you know?”
“Emma.”
“I should have guessed.” He pushed out a breath. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to ruin someone’s good name before I had proof. And I didn’t want to make you suspicious of everyone and ruin your relationship with the slayers who had only just begun to accept you. And what if the spy found out you suspected something? What would happen to you then? You’d be in constant danger, someone desperate to shut you up.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic. “Why tell me now?”
“Now your relationship with the others is ruined anyway. Ankh and my father will show everyone the video. They’ll want the group to know why you’re to be avoided.”
That was for the best. And yet it still hurt, knowing I would lose so many people I cared about, all in one swoop. “How do you know there’s a spy?”
“Justin called me, told me someone was feeding information to Anima Industries. Information only a person on the inside could have. Meeting times. Injuries we’d sustained. Snippets of conversation we’d had.”
Justin had called him. I wondered what else Puppy Dog Eyes had lied to me about. “I just... I can’t imagine any of the slayers doing it.”
“Me, either. But someone is, and I have to find out who before this escalates and my friends get hurt.”
“What if Justin is playing both sides? What if he told you all of this, hoping you’d take him back? He could pretend to help and secretly sabotage.”
“How would he have already known stuff he shouldn’t before I welcomed him back?”
“Spying from the outside before spying from within.”
Grim, he said, “I’ve been watching him, and have even fed him false information. So far, he hasn’t taken the bait and moved on anything. And by the way, he mentioned you’d asked him if I’d talked to him and that he’d played dumb because he thought that’s what I’d prefer.”
A smart move, whether he was the spy or not. It covered all the bases. “Is that why you got so friendly with Veronica? You were spying on her?”
“At first, yes.”
My eyes narrowed, even as my heart skipped a beat. “And then you began to believe you belonged with her.”
His hands curved around my waist and held me tightly, as if he feared I would run away. “Yes.”
Part of me did want to run. But I wouldn’t. What he’d done had cut me and left a wound, and it needed to be cauterized. “And then you...made out with her.”
He held my gaze unflinchingly, despite the pain now gleaming in those violet depths. “Yes. But I didn’t tell you everything—”
“And I don’t want you to,” I interjected, placing a finger over his lips. His soft, soft lips. I shivered— No! No shivering. “There’s no need. We’re not together. So what are you still doing here, Cole?”
He pulled my finger away, held it, stared at it as if it contained the cure for all of his ills. “I don’t know.” His head dropped, as if he was ashamed, but still he held on to that finger. “I just... I can’t seem to stay away. You’re like a magnet, and I’m drawn. And what about you? You’re supposed to yell at me, scream profanities and tell me to go and never come back. Why aren’t you yelling?” he asked almost bitterly.
Because, despite everything, I liked that he was here.
Foolish girl.
“You want me to yell?” I said, and drew in a deep breath, preparing. “I will.”
He shook his head, looked up at me through the thick shield of those dark, dark lashes. “It’s too late for that. I’m going to kiss you, Ali.”
Kiss... Yes... No! “You made your bed.”
“I know. But I still want you in it.”
Just. Like. That. Every cell in my body woke up, stretching, reaching for him. Desperate for him. I had been thirsty for so long, and he was my water. Had always been my water.
One last time, I thought. Just one more. It would be closure. The end.
The very end.
“It...it won’t mean anything,” I whispered.
What are you doing?
Common Sense Ali poked out of the mire of my thoughts.
In that moment, I hated her. I needed this and wasn’t going to argue with her.