“It’s one of the reasons Pops and I were so adamant about your mother staying away from your father, and oh, Ali, I should have known, should have realized, the two were connected. In my mind, Mother was a drunk, pure and simple. And then, of course, your dad started drinking, and, well, you know the rest.”
I did. She and Pops had hated my father, had never welcomed him over. I’d never blamed them, though, and still didn’t. There’d been quite a few days I’d hated my father, too.
“How did your great-grandfather die?” I asked.
“He disappeared one day. At least, that’s the story I was told when the journal was handed down to me.”
Huh. Disappeared. I remembered a passage from the pages of his journal.
Some slayers have inklings of the future. Some can see the Blood Lines and recognize our sanctuaries. Some can destroy the zombies one by one, then two by two, after being bitten a single time. Something in their spirit infects the zombies and spreads from one to another like a contagious disease, with no more action on the slayer’s part. Some can do none of that. Some can do all of that. I can do all. That’s how I know about the war that’s coming. That’s how I know that not a single slayer—or civilian—will survive unless something more is done. That’s how I know what needs to be done.
I need to die.
Then, a few chapters later, he’d written, Are you willing to give up your own life to save others? Have you realized that dying is the only way to truly live?
Had he given up his life to save others? Had he died to truly live?
If so, great. Wonderful. But what did any of that mean? I hadn’t known before, and I certainly didn’t know now.
I tweaked my newest to-do list. Pray for the best. Hope answers rain down.
Outside, tires squealed. A door slammed.
I frowned and stalked to the window to peer out.
Because of the shape of the house, the driveway was hidden and I couldn’t see the car. Or, apparently, the person who’d abandoned it to stomp to our porch and pound on the door.
“Ali,” a voice called. “I just heard.”
My heart nearly leaped into my throat. Cole? He hadn’t cut me from his life?
I rushed to the entrance and opened up. He burst inside, paused in front of me. He looked me over, and I did the same to him. His eyes were bloodshot—clearly, he hadn’t slept. His face was battered and bruised, his stitches stark. His clothes were wrinkled and it was obvious he’d pulled them on hastily.
“I didn’t say a word to them,” he said.
“I know. They had a video.”
One of his brows rose into an arch. “So you got to see what happened?”
I nodded, unable to hide my growing shame.
He cupped my cheeks as if he still had every right to touch me. My chin trembled—no! no more tears—and I battled the urge to lean into him, to rest my head on his shoulder and draw from his strength. I pulled away, severing contact.
His expression hardened.
“All right, well.” Nana cleared her throat before gathering her purse and keys. “I’m headed to Target to pick up the things we’re going to need. You two obviously have a few issues to work out.”
“I don’t need anything,” I assured her.
She kissed me on the cheek, patted Cole on the arm and left us alone.
“I’ll talk to Ankh,” Cole said, shutting and locking the door.
“No. Don’t. I’m furious for what he’s done to Nana, but I do understand what he’s done to me. I attacked you, Cole. Like, I planned to eat the life out of your spirit.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“Well, I do.”
He waved the words away. “You weren’t in your right mind.”
“What about the other thing? I bit a freaking zombie. No telling what other damage that’s caused inside me, or just how tainted I am now. I don’t know what to do, or how to fix myself. Not really. I mean, the journal said I needed the fire, but I tried that and nothing happened, and now my fire is red. And did you hear the part about my being tainted?”
“Wait. You tried to fix yourself with your fire?”
Uh-oh.
“You actually tried to kill the zombie—you. And we were, what? Just supposed to find your ashes, never wonder what had happened and move on?”
“You had already moved on,” I countered. “And you would have had answers.” Sort of. “I left a note.”
His sights narrowed on me as he walked toward me. I backed up. He was so much taller than me, so much wider, he dwarfed me in every possible way. “I am so angry with you right now, I don’t even know what to say.” He picked me up by the waist, unnerving me enough to swallow my protest, and hefted me onto the counter. Then he nudged my legs apart and edged closer to me, staring into my eyes with unmatched determination.
His heat surrounded me, irresistibly delicious. For the first time since Mr. Holland and Mr. Ankh had burst into my room, I felt warm.
Concentrate. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You thought wrong. And you’re not tainted.”
“I am.” I flattened my hands on his shoulders. To push him away or draw him closer, I wasn’t yet sure. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d done with Veronica, and I wasn’t sure I could ever forget. “Look. I’m trying to stay away from you. That’s what you wanted, and that’s what I’d like. You’re making it difficult.”
Anguish filled his eyes. “I know. But I’m not leaving until I know you’re all right, and you understand you’re not tainted.”
This. This was the boy I’d dated. Concerned. Kind. Willing to fight to stay.
I wanted him back.
I couldn’t have him back. Not permanently.
“Sorry, but I don’t and won’t understand any such thing. My dad was a slayer and apparently my mom was, too, though she didn’t know it, and we’ve all heard the saying about being high and falling hard. With all my abilities...”
“Hey, I’m right there with you. My mom was a slayer, too.”
Astonished, I said, “Both of your parents were slayers? Wow. Okay. I wasn’t expecting that. Do you think it’s why we had the visions?”
“Maybe. Gavin is the only other slayer I know with a double lineage. But then again, he and I never had a vision. Until you.”
My breath caught in my throat. “You guys had a vision?”
He nodded stiffly.