‘What a waste,’ he said, not prepared to give up yet—not when there were so many unanswered questions and when she looked so uncomfortable. ‘Because I saw you with that baby.’ She looked up at him, her eyes wide, suddenly vulnerable, as if wondering at this change of tone. ‘You looked good with it. I always thought you would make the perfect mother.’
Her mouth opened on a cry, and she snapped it shut, turning her head away, but not quickly enough that he could miss the moisture springing onto her lashes.
‘Did you love him?’ Anger surged in his veins like a flood tide. Was that why she was crying? Because she’d wanted her husband’s children so desperately and she would forever mourn not having them? It pained him to ask, but he was here with her now, and somehow it was more important than ever that he know the truth. ‘Did you love Hussein?’
She squeezed her eyes together, and then near exploded with her answer. ‘He was my husband!’
Her words sparked a short-circuit in his brain. ‘Tell me something I don’t know!’ he said, snapping back with equal ferocity, his voice as raw as his emotions. ‘I was there—remember? One year in the desert I had to endure, to learn the skills to be a man, but one month in and all I learned was that I couldn’t survive without you, that I needed to be with you. But you couldn’t wait one year. In fact, you couldn’t even wait four short weeks!’
She dropped her face into her hands. ‘Rafiq, please—’
‘And I found my would-be bride, all dressed up in her wedding finery, the most beautiful bride I could ever imagine, and for a moment—just one short, pathetic moment—I thought that you had somehow known I was returning. And that this was to be the day we would be bound together as man and wife for ever.’ He looked down at her, his fury rising, seeing only the vision of her back at the palace, a gown of spun gold clinging to her slim form, row after row of gold chains around her neck, her dark kohl-rimmed eyes wide with shock as he appeared in the doorway, the cry rent from his lungs, the cry of a beast in agony. ‘But it was not to be our day, was it? Not when you were standing at the altar ready to marry another man!’
‘Rafiq,’ she said softly, and he recognised her trying to reason with him when he knew there was no reason. ‘It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. But… But I had no choice.’
‘You had a choice! You chose Hussein. You chose life as a wealthy ambassador’s wife over life with me.’
‘Please, that’s not true. You knew my father had promised me to him. You knew it could happen.’
‘While I was away? Yes, there was talk of an arrangement. But you saw me leave for the desert for a year. You let me go. You kissed me goodbye, promised that you would be waiting for me on my return and that we would overcome our families’ objections. I thought you would be strong enough to wait that long. But you were too much of a coward. I had no sooner disappeared from sight before you formalised the arrangements to marry Hussein behind my back.’
‘It wasn’t like that!’
‘No? Then what was it like?’
She raised her face to the sky and shook her head from side to side. ‘What did you expect me to do? I had seen what happened after my best friend Jasmine returned from the desert, close to death, because she and your brother had chosen to defy their parents’ wishes for their future.’
She paused, remembering Rafiq’s father and how he had laughed at her when she had protested at marrying Hussein, pleading that she had promised to marry Rafiq. ‘I will choose my sons’ brides,’ he had decreed. ‘Look at the mess Kareef has made of his life. That will not be allowed to happen to Rafiq.’ She swallowed back on the memories. How could Rafiq pretend not to understand?
‘How could I do the same to my family—to yours!—after that? How could I shame them that way when I had seen what it had cost everyone?’
He brushed her words aside. ‘You told me you loved me!’
‘I know, but—’
‘Which is why you married Hussein when I had been gone less than a month. Because you loved me! What a total fool you made of me.’
‘Rafiq, please, you must listen…’
‘Do you know how I felt standing there? Do you have any idea what it was like to have everyone’s eyes upon me, to have your father and Hussein openly sneering in victory, others filled with pity, feeling sorry for me, poor Rafiq, the last one to know what everyone else had known all along. That you never had any intention of marrying me.’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t mean—’