I don’t usually believe in having regrets – life is for living – but I realize now that I should never have agreed to spend a weekend with them. Knowing I want more from a man, I should have never thought I could have sex with all of them just for kicks.
But that’s all I thought it would be: sex. How could I have known it would seem like so much more?
Maybe I’m still in a daze from all the orgasms. Maybe my hormones have affected my brain and my heart. Maybe I’ll feel differently tomorrow.
20
It’s done
Monday morning comes and I do feel different. I feel worse. After a restless night of sleep, I’m at my desk early, front and center when each of the men arrives at the office, and somehow, impossibly, they all look even more attractive than they ever have.
Ash’s blue shirt is brilliant against his tan skin. It makes his eyes sparkle and sharpens his dark features. My breath literally catches in my chest when I see him. And instead of his usual nod of greeting, he stops by my desk, focusing those beautiful eyes on me.
“How are you today?” His voice is low and warm, like we share a secret.
“I’m fine.” I’m really not fine, not at all, but I hope I’m hiding it. “How are you?”
“I didn’t like sleeping alone last night.”
My eyebrows raise. I don’t know how to respond. I missed all of them last night, much more than I’m willing to admit. I manage a smile and put on a light tone. “We did have fun.”
He looks like he’s about to say more when Amy comes in the front door.
“Good morning, Ash! Good morning, Lacy!”
With nods to each of us, Ash continues to his office, while Amy stays to chat. “How was your weekend?” she asks.
The most amazing weekend of my life, I think. Beyond satisfying. Completely and utterly mind-blowing. “Fine,” I say. “How was yours?”
“Oh, the usual. Catching up on chores, and my daughter had a school project to do.” Her brows knit together with concern. “Is everything okay with you?”
I force the corners of my mouth up. “I’m fine. Why?”
“You seem down today. Not your usual self.”
“Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
She smiles sympathetically. “Mondays. Gotta love ‘em. Hopefully today will be fairly quiet.”
“Let’s hope,” I say, working to keep a pleasant expression on my face.
The other three men come in shortly after, each one looking better than the last, and each of them stopping by to say hello, though thankfully they keep their voices low when they make reference to our weekend together.
They’re your bosses. They’re your bosses and nothing more, I tell myself after each encounter. And the weekend we shared is in the past, never to happen again. I wish there was some kind of pill I could take that would erase the memory of our time together, because it’s hard for me to think of anything else as I go about my day.
Our afternoon meeting is mercifully brief, but afterward, Nathan detains me as Amy returns to her office.
“Want to go out for drinks with us this evening?”
My body responds first. My nipples harden and my belly heats. My body wants to go for drinks with these men, but my head knows better. It wouldn’t be a good idea – not with my body – and my heart – wanting so much more.
“No, thanks. I shouldn’t.”
“But you want to.” Nathan’s doing the talking. Ash and Derek are frowning, while Landon looks concerned.
“I can’t. We all know it wouldn’t just be drinks.”
“You can’t control yourself around us, can you?” He steps in close and puts a possessive hand on my hip but I move away.
“We had an agreement.” My voice is firm; I will not let them see how tempted I truly am. “One night, which turned into one weekend. We had fun, we got it out of our systems. It’s done.”
“And is it? Out of your system?” Derek’s got that look on his face, the one that could probably make me do anything, so I stare past him at the door.
“It is,” I lie. “I had a great time with all of you, but I’m an employee here. Anything between us is over and needs to stay that way. Don’t ask me out for drinks, and don’t think anything’s going to happen between us again.” I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I need to stay strong.
Even though I’m avoiding his eyes, I can’t help but notice that Derek looks like I’ve kicked him. I turn to the others, wanting to see that they’re in agreement, hoping they believed my words more than I did, but their expressions are unreadable.
Finally, Nathan clears his throat. “Okay. As you wish.”
His words hurt like a punch to the stomach, even though he’s agreeing with my requests. Would I have been happier if he’d argued with me, or continued to flirt and tease and convince me to go out with them? In the short term, that would make me happy, but we all need to move on. I’m not going to be their handy little plaything, having fun with them while I put my dreams on hold.