The moment is bittersweet. For all I know, this could be the last time I kiss or touch him. If that turns out to be the case, I’m not sure how I’ll move forward. It’s possible that I could mourn the loss of him for the rest of my life. It’s a disconcerting realization and only makes me hyperaware of how important it is to tell him everything that’s in my heart.
Unable to help myself, I nip at his lower lip before tugging the plump flesh into my mouth. I suck on it once. Twice. And then again before releasing it.
“I’ve missed you, Kingsley.”
Other than the groan that escapes from deep in his chest, he remains silent.
The need to kiss him pounds through me, but I can’t delay the inevitable any longer.
“Do you remember the morning my mom walked in on us?”
The sexual haze clears from his eyes as he jerks his head into a tight nod.
“Until that point, she hadn’t realized we were sleeping together. I asked why it mattered, and that’s when she admitted they were looking for ways to break the contract. Even though I hadn’t mentioned anything to them since the day I was told about it, neither wanted me to be forced into marriage.”
Emotion flickers in his eyes as he draws in a deep breath before releasing it. His chest rises and falls with the gradual movement.
“If I could go back and do it again, I’d tell her that as much as I didn’t like the idea of being coerced into some kind of archaic arrangement, I was happy with you. That I wanted you. Instead of admitting the truth, I remained silent. Maybe if I had been honest, everything that happened could have been avoided.” I shrug as grief fills me, threatening to suck me under. “Maybe then Dad would still be alive.” It’s a painful acknowledgment to make. “It kills me that I broke your trust. I made you doubt me and my intentions. That’s the last thing I wanted to do.”
A heavy silence falls over us as a fresh wave of nerves surge through me. I don’t know if what I’ve admitted has made a difference. The stillness of his body leads me to believe that it hasn’t. I inhale a shaky breath, ready to slink home and lick my wounds in private. I laid it all on the line and it wasn’t enough.
“Are you finished?”
“No,” I whisper urgently. There has to be something else I can say to sway him. A burst of adrenaline shoots through me as I wrack my brain. All I know is that it can’t end like this.
When I remain silent, he hikes a brow.
Everything inside me deflates like a balloon with a pinprick. “Yeah, I guess.” My face heats with embarrassment. This will probably be the portion of the evening where he tells me to fuck off.
And who can blame him?
“Good.” With one swift motion that takes me by surprise, he rolls us over and pins me against the afghan. Even though my hands are still clasped around his wrists, they’re now pressed to the ground as he props himself up on his elbows. “Is it finally my turn to talk?”
I nod as my teeth sink into my lower lip before mentally steeling myself for the worst.
“You might not realize it, but the day we spent on the boat was the best damn one of my life. It only took a couple of hours to fall for you, Summer. More than anything, I wish our relationship could have been normal. I hate that all this family bullshit had to get in the way of everything and fuck it up.”
A tiny bubble of hope fills me as the air gets lodged at the back of my throat.
“But that’s exactly what happen, and we can’t change it. We can’t go back in time and rewrite history. It is what it is.”
And just like that, any optimism budding to life inside me plummets back to earth before crashing and bursting into a raging inferno.
“It’s no secret that I was pissed off when I overheard what your parents were up to. It made me feel like everything between us had been a game.”
Unable to keep quiet, I blurt, “It wasn’t—”
He silences me with a kiss. When he finally pulls away, his mouth twitches at the corners. “I know,” he murmurs. “Deep down, I realized the contract bothered you and that you didn’t want our relationship tied to the company. I had a hard time separating the two. Stupid as it sounds, my pride was bruised. It felt like a rejection.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeat, unable to say it enough. “It was never my intention to hurt you.”
“I realize that, too.” This time, when he presses his lips to mine, it’s long and slow. Liquid heat pools in my core as my toes curl with need.