My brain goes silent.
Not only do the crickets chirp around us, they chirp inside my head.
Awkwardness descends as I clear my throat. It feels dry and scratchy as I lift my arm and point to the sky.
If all else fails, talk about astronomy.
“Do you see the bright star directly overhead?”
He follows the line of my hand. “Yup.”
“That’s Deneb.” I move my finger up and then to the right. “Now look above it and over a smidge. That’s Vega.” I give him a moment to locate the pinprick of light. “Straight down from there, you’ll see another one, that’s Altair.”
He shifts his head and it gently bumps mine. “Hmm.” His brows slide together as he continues to stare. “It looks like a triangle.”
“That’s exactly what it is,” I admit with a slight smile as some of my nervousness melts away. “Those three points are known as the Summer Triangle. It’s an asterism.” It’s so much easier to gaze at the sky and point out stars than to reveal my feelings and wait for him to accept or reject them.
“An asterism?” he repeats.
“Yup. It’s not a constellation but a noticeable pattern of stars in the sky.”
“Huh,” he says with a nod, “that’s pretty cool.”
“It really is.” Since I can’t bring myself to open up just yet, I instruct, “Now go back and find the first star I pointed out.”
“Deneb?”
“That’s the one,” I say in surprise.
Kingsley lifts his hand and gently places it over mine so that our fingers touch. He squints and moves them until he’s able to aim at the brightest light. The contact has electricity zipping through my fingertips and shooting down my arm.
His head swivels until his gaze can pierce mine. “Now what?”
Huh?
Air leaks from my lungs as I mentally jostle myself back to awareness.
Right…
I move our hands a fraction so he’s able to find the approximate location. “Straight down from Deneb is a line of three stars. Do you see them?”
“Yup.” He moves our hands as if tracing the pinpricks of light.
“Okay. Now go back to the second star and you’ll notice that there are two flanking it on each side, giving it the appearance of a cross.” I pause as he squints. “Do you see what I’m talking about?”
“Mmm hmm.” As he tilts his head to get a better look, I catch a whiff of his cologne and my insides contract in response.
“That’s known as the Northern Cross. It’s the backbone of the Milky Way.”
When he remains silent, I turn toward him. With his attention focused elsewhere, I’m able to look my fill. Kingsley is probably the most handsome boy I’ve ever seen but staring at him now makes my heart spasm. From the thick slashes of his eyebrows, to the slant of high cheekbones, and a perfect cupid’s bow of a mouth, he’s absolute perfection. A furious rush of emotion fills me.
Sadness.
Regret.
Longing.
We were doomed for failure from the very beginning. Maybe we really are like Romeo and Juliet, just like Everly claimed.
Minus the suicides.
“There are a lot of little stars clustered around there,” he murmurs.
I clear my throat along with those distracting thoughts and refocus on the canvas of night sky. “Yup, it looks like a haze or a river of stars running through the Northern Cross. It’s pretty, isn’t it?”
“Kind of magical. I can see why you like astronomy so much.” Kingsley lowers our hands until they can rest between our bodies, but he doesn’t untangle our fingers, they remain connected.
We remain connected.
I draw my lower lip between my teeth, realizing I need to force out my feelings before the moment can pass us by. For all I know, it’s already too late. A fresh burst of fear blooms in my belly. If I don’t take the risk, I’ll never know what could have been. No matter how daunting it is, I can’t walk away from Kingsley until I’ve exhausted every avenue. If he doesn’t return the sentiment, then yeah…it’ll suck but I would rather lay it all on the line then walk away with my pride intact.
It’s those thoughts that spur me into action and have me rolling on top of his prone body. My knees slide around his waist until I’m able to sit astride him. Kingsley’s eyes go wide as I shackle each wrist with my fingers before dragging his arms overhead and pinning them to the ground.
When he opens his mouth, I shake my head and lower my face until my lips can sweep over his. I’m afraid of what he will say.
“Just let me get this out,” I plead.
His mouth snaps shut. It’s a heady sensation to have him at my mercy with my hands locked around his wrists and my body pinning him to the earth. From the time we’ve been together, it’s become obvious that Kingsley enjoys being in control. Especially sexually. If he wanted, he could easily change the dynamic and flip me over so that I’m the one at his mercy. Or he could tell me to fuck off and walk away. The hands that bind him are nothing more than symbolic. We both know who holds the real power.