I clenched the stem of my wine glass even harder. “You mean it wasn’t just me?” I said, my voice breaking just a little.
“No, sweetie, it wasn’t just you,” Rosie replied.
A tear rolled down my cheek. A symbol of pain for those women. For myself. And another one came out of shame. Hearing Rosie say that I wasn’t the only woman Robert did this to gave me a sort of comfort that I wasn’t entitled to.
“I’m glad,” I whispered, afraid to admit the ugliness out loud, but needing to get it out of my head. “I’m glad that I’m not the only one, that it wasn’t because of me being wrong, or not good enough, or whatever. It was him.” I looked up at her, fear swirling in my stomach like acid. I was terrified she’d be staring at me in disgust, in judgment. But her hand squeezed mine again and there was nothing but kindness on her beautiful face.
“Does that make me a horrible person?” I asked her, already knowing that it did. “Being glad that all these other women suffered like I did, so I’m not so alone in this?”
A tear trailed down Rosie’s cheek, I watched it in wonder. Not just because not an ounce of her considerable amount of makeup moved with the liquid. No, because of the tear itself. I didn’t know Rosie well, hadn’t spent a whole lot of time with her to establish what was ‘normal’ with her. I knew her well enough that there was no such thing as normal in her life.
I was also pretty sure that she was not a woman prone to tears.
“You are not alone,” she said, voice firm and eyes narrowed. Her hand squeezed mine tighter, showing just how much strength such a tiny woman had. Then again, I didn’t need all the bones in my hands bruised to know that the woman in front of me was strong.
“And you are not a horrible person,” she continued, her voice steel. Sure. “There are many horrible people in this world. I know many of them personally. I’ve seen true evil in the flesh. Inside people. That means I know true kindness. Goodness. And I know that’s super fucking rare in a world of selfish, violent and nasty people. With as much evil as I’ve seen and known, I’m blessed enough to call some truly good people family. And that counts you. You are not a bad person for wanting to have people to share your sorrow with. You’re human. That fuckstick is the monster. And we’re gonna get him. Not my way, which would be cutting off his cock, battering it, deep frying in and then making him eat it like a hot dog before we let him bleed out.”
I stared at her, for how detailed this plan was, and how casually she said it.
“Though I’m very sad we can’t do it that way,” she said. “It’s smarter, and worse for him in the long run if we do this a different way.” She paused. “You know how popular a cop is in prison?” she asked conversationally. “Not just a cop, but a rapist?”
I shook my head slowly.
She grinned. “Well, prison has a system, a hierarchy, like anywhere else in this world. The politics might change in different places. Who’s on top. But it doesn’t really change who’s on the bottom. That’s monsters that fuck with kids, cops, and rapists. They do not get a fun time in their state-funded vacation. In fact, their lives could be described as a ‘living hell.’ Which I’m pretty sure measures up to what yours was.”
I chewed my lip, thinking about that, what she was saying.
“We’ve got three women to testify,” Rosie continued.
“Three?” I repeated. “He did this to three other women?”
All that gladness I felt disappeared thinking about three lives ruined. Three faceless women who will have to deal with what Robert had done to them for the rest of their lives, regardless of what happened.
Rosie shook her head. “No, that’s just who’s willing to testify. He did this to a lot more women. Some we couldn’t find, others were too scared to testify. Others had been paid off, threatened and weren’t willing to do it. I’m worried that some of the ones who’ve disappeared he went too far with. I’ve got my best guy on it. Trying to find them.”
I blinked at her again. “You mean you think Robert killed them?”
She regarded me. “You don’t think he’s capable of that?”
I paused. Remembered the times when he kept hitting me so hard, so constantly, I was sure he wasn’t going to stop. That empty, satisfied look in his eyes seared the back of my skull. It was evil.
“Yes,” I said, my voice almost inaudible. “I do think he’s capable of that.”
“Take another sip,” she ordered. “Wine is needed on almost every occasion, but it’s medically necessary here.”