Cade leaned forward. “You know why,” he said, his voice even. “We’ve got no fuckin’ intel on Carlos since this shit went down. He’s a fuckin’ ghost. Same with the Tuckers. They’ve gone underground, got lackeys runnin’ their businesses who don’t know shit. Now that they’ve got the money and firepower behind them, they’ve got the upper hand.”
Lucky crashed his fist down on the table. “Well, we need to get it back,” he roared. “I don’t care what it takes, who I have to end to get that fuckin’ intel. I’m doin’ that. I’ll go rogue if that’s what it takes. In a fuckin’ second. So we’re gonna spill some blood. Or I’m gonna spill a lot. Either way, I’m sending some fuckers to the reaper.”
He stood and stormed out of the room, leaving it behind with one destination in mind.
The bottom of a fucking bottle.
Chapter Twenty
“I think Hell is something that you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go.”
-Neil Gaiman
“Are you flipping serious?” Lily exclaimed when I emerged from my room.
I glanced to Rosie, who was doing her lipstick in her compact. “I guess she told you.”
I glanced back to my best friend’s furious face. She had her arms folded. “Yeah, she told me. I was hoping that she was joking or suffering from a mental break.” She glanced to Rosie. “No offense.”
Rosie shrugged. “None taken. It could totally happen. Sanity’s not something I’ve got an ironclad hold on. I’m at peace with it. ”
I put my hand on my hip. “I thought you said you supported my decision,” I snapped at her.
“I do. But mostly when I support decisions, there should be a red light flashing somewhere. Right about there.” She pointed to the wall above my head.
I rolled my eyes and moved to pick up my other boot which I’d been searching for. It was the last thing I needed to leave the house. The last little piece of armor.
Lily snatched it from my grasp before I could get it.
I straightened, scowling at her. “Give me my boot, Lil.”
She scowled back. “No. I will not give it back until you tell me you’re not going.”
“Well then, I’ll have to find some new footwear. Because I’m going,” I said firmly.
“No, you’re not,” she argued.
“Yes, I am.”
“Fuck!” she shouted and I flinched at not only the volume of her voice, but the word itself. Lily didn’t curse. Hardly ever. And there she was, cursing, injecting a shitload of feelings in that one ugly word.
She stepped forward, her eyes glistening. “You can’t go back there,” she croaked. “To that, after what you went through. I can’t let you.”
“I have to,” I whispered. “That’s the only place I can go back. Where I can make sense. Scramble up a bit of fucking normalcy. I can’t hide away in here for the rest of my life, going insane. Only rich people get to wallow in insanity. Everyone else has to figure a way through it, make bank. This is my way through, Lils.”
It was the reopening of the Diamond Lounge. It had almost burned the day… my mind stuttered. When they’d taken me they’d lured Lily there, tried to kill her and Gabriel. I swallowed ash at the prospect of going there, literally dancing on the spot my best friend and my… he almost died.
It wasn’t like dancing on their graves since they were both alive, but it was like dancing on mine because that was the place I’d been before. The person I was before.
“You’re only just getting back on your feet. You’re getting through. Considering what happened to you….” Lily’s eyes were pleading.
“Considering what happened to me, reclaiming my body for myself is the best thing for me to do,” I said firmly. I reached forward to squeeze her hand, ignoring my own discomfort at doing so. She needed the contact, so I breathed through it. “Lil, they’ve still got it. Got me in that terrible fucking room. I’ve got to do something to steal it back from them. To show them and show myself I’ve got some fucking agency over my own body. Taking my clothes off for a room full of horny men doesn’t seem to you like that’s what I’m doing, but that’s what it is for me. Normal.”
She blinked at me a couple times and then nodded, handing me my boot.
“Thanks, babe.”
“I’m coming,” she declared.
“No, you’re not,” I said firmly. No way was I subjecting her to flashbacks of that shit.
She folded her arms. “You can’t stop me. You’re gonna take back your body? Well, I’m gonna take back mine too.”
I straightened from putting my boot on. “Well, shit. I love that biker most of the time for helping you realize how kick-ass you are, but I kind of hate him now. You’re giving me a run for my money.”