I finally finished emptying my stomach, trying to purge away the feeling that had settled under my skin once I pulled that trigger. I feared that it would never go away. It was burned on my soul forever.
Hansen helped me off the floor and I didn’t look at him. I moved to the grimy sink, planning on splashing water in my mouth. That was until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. My blood splattered face. I froze. I knew I couldn’t throw up anymore, but I felt the overwhelming urge to empty the poisonous bile at the bottom of my stomach. I slowly looked down to my white tee, it was flecked with splatters of red.
I started shaking. My entire body, so hard I felt my teeth clatter together.
Hansen’s hands fastened over mine, he tilted my chin to capture my eyes.
“Breathe, baby, it’s okay,” he whispered.
“It-it’s not okay, I’m co-covered in blood,” I stuttered. “I need to get it off, now,” I said trying to rip my hands from his. I needed to scrub every inch of evidence of what I’d done from my body.
He moved his hands to my neck. “You’re going into shock, baby. You need to breathe,” he said softly.
I tried to jerk out of his grasp, he held me tight. “I need to get it off!” I screeched hysterically.
Hansen seemed to get it, he nodded and released my hands. Moving to close the door, I heard him turning on a shower. I was too busy ripping my clothes off, needing them away, somewhere where I couldn’t see them, couldn’t feel them.
Hansen moved back to me, silently taking over undressing me. Once I was naked, I stood there shivering, not from the cold in the air that prickled my bare skin, but from the inside that chilled my veins.
Hansen quickly took his own clothes off, mingling them with mine. I didn’t have time to question him as he directed us both to the shower. I stood woodenly under the spray, my desperation to get clean seemed to have disappeared. I had turned into some sort of zombie, unable to move, flashbacks what I had done replaying in my brain.
Hansen’s hands worked over me, lathering soap into my body, cleaning the outside. I let him, staring into space, only seeing my hand on the trigger. His face exploding.
I barely noticed when he turned off the water, wrapped me in a towel. Lifting me like a baby he walked us into a sparse bedroom. He set me down and pulled a tee over my head, yanked some jeans on, and placed me carefully on the bed, wrapping me in his arms.
I snuggled into his body, trying to get as close as I could, trying to think of only that, focus on nothing else while my mind shut down.
Blood. I jerked awake, sitting up quickly and inspecting my hands with panic, expecting them to be drenched in blood. From the dim light in the room, I saw they were clean. On the outside anyway.
“We good?” I heard a tight voice ask from beyond the closed door.
I moved my head to see the rumpled space beside me. The rumpled empty space.
“Yeah, we’re good. No one heard the shot. Got the body taken care of quickly. Clubhouse is clean,” a voice clipped.
“Thank fuck,” Hansen’s relief was evident, even through a wooden door.
“Yeah. That shit could have gone a whole other way. Pure fuckin’ luck it worked out the way it did. Your woman endangered the club,” the voice was cold. I recognized it as Grim’s.
“She was fuckin’ faced with the man who ruined her life. What the fuck did you expect? Told you it was a bad idea to bring him anywhere near the club,” Hansen’s voice was full of anger, but it was quiet like he was trying not to wake the sleeping murderer in the next room.
There was a pause. “I didn’t expect her to come in at that particular moment. And I sure as shit didn’t expect her reaction to put a bullet in his brain, calm as anything,” the voice said dryly. “Fuck, despite myself, I find myself impressed by the bitch’s boldness. Maybe not her timing, nor her forethought. But any other female in that situation, most likely turn into a sniveling mess or run. Your woman turns straight to vengeance. Born to be an Old Lady. Ruthless one at that. Better make sure your cock doesn’t stray.”
I jerked at the words.
“Yeah, don’t think anyone thought fuckin’ Macy would be the one pulling the trigger on that scumbag,” Levi’s voice interjected. “I agree, might not have been the best timing, but the girl deserved her revenge. Fuckin’ proud she was strong enough to deal it out.”
There was silence. Hansen didn’t voice any pride or praise at the fact that I’d ended someone’s life.
“You stay here for tonight, just so we make sure this shit can’t lead back to us. Then bring Macy back to the club, make sure your fuckin’ gun’s out of reach,” Grim added with something close to humor.
I lay there as they all murmured goodbyes. I stared at the ceiling, not knowing what to do with myself. How to even begin the process what I’d heard. The fact all the guilt and sickness I felt seemed to have disappeared. Instead, I felt a weight had been lifted.
The door creaked open and Hansen silently closed it. I felt the bed depress as he moved to lay down and gather me in his arms. I knew he knew I was awake, but I didn’t speak for a second.
“So I’m not going to be arrested for murder?” I deduced my tone flat.
The arms around me tightened. “No babe,” he promised. “Club’s taken care of it. You won’t be going anywhere.”
“Remind me to send them a thank you card. Box of chocolates. Or a case of Jack Daniels,” I muttered.
Hansen said nothing.
“That something the club’s done before? Clean up bodies?” I asked.
“Once or twice,” Hansen told me, to my surprise.