He’s quiet for a few seconds, but before I can do more than open another tab to read the messages fromThrillingTerror,he replies.
Well, I could help you with that. Emotionally. Uh, moral support, I mean. However you want. I’m not being creepy, I swear.
It doesn’t reallyfeelcreepy. It makes me snicker as I open the other message, and one makes my toes curl against the sheets.
You did so well today, love. But you should learn to stick to your boundaries a little better.
I frown at it as I read it again, tucking my legs up under me. It feels almost like a reprimand, and I don’t really know how to reply. I’m bristling at the words; I can feel it, and I type the wordsorrybefore sending it off.
No one gets to condemn my actions or tell me I’m not good enough when I’m finally doing something for myself. Even if I am kind of bad at it. Sure, if he’d said something a little more supportive, like my other message I’d gotten, I would’ve been a lot more okay with it.
I flip back to my other messages, and finally respond,You’re not creepy. But I still don’t know about the whole tail thing.
They’re not that bad. I have some experience. Not my thing personally. Not on me, you know? But fuck, would I still love to see you with one.
It still just feels weird to consider. Would it hurt? Being inexperienced with anything other than boring sex, I have to imagine it would hurt. And at the very least, I’d need to practice a few timesoffcamera before doing it on. I’d probably put it in before, truth be told. I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself on camera.
I’m scared it would hurt,I admit finally.Like, that’s the only thing that really comes to mind when I think about it. Other than that it would be pretty cute, like you said. Maybe a fluffy cat tail?
I send the message and hop back into the other chat, wondering if I’ve scared offThrillingTerrorwith my shitty attitude. If I have, then I’ll sure as fuck regret it in the morning.
Love.I cringe as I read the message in Professor Solomon’s shitty tone. That’s inappropriate, and I try to bleach my brain of the thought. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking ofhimwhile talking to someone who got me off a few days ago. Inappropriate doesn’t begin to cover it. Especially since if I’m already imagining his voice, who knows how long it’ll be before I see his face in my mind to go along with it?
No, I definitely need brain bleach.
I blink, forcing myself to read the rest of his message, even thoughLovegets a line of its own.
You don’t need to get an attitude with me. I just don’t like seeing you get flustered. You think those men don’t know they can work you up to push you past your intentions? They’ve been doing that much longer than you’ve been live streaming, I promise you that.
I read the message twice then, because I don’t know what else to say, I ask,How do you know I was getting an attitude? Maybe I was really just sorry.
And with that, I flip back over to my other chat. Mask is talking again, extolling the virtues of tail butt plugs. But his next message sticks out, making me blink in surprise.
I think you’d make a better puppy than you would a cat. We’ll get you a cute wolf tail. A purple one, don’t you think? I bet you’d look so good in purple. Matching fluffy ears and the cutest leash. You’ll be such a good puppy.
Do I really give offcanineenergy, instead of a cat? Well, I guess it’s his fantasy, not mine, but he’s the second one to say it.
Maybe, I say, feeling weirdly guarded about the situation. Maybe it’s just that I feel like this is going down the same route of the conversation I’d had a few nights ago.
Or maybe it’s because I have a headache.
You know, I like other things too.
After sending the message, I flip back over to my other chat, and try not to read the words in Professor Solomon’s voice. If I fail, at least there’s no one around to know except me, which is definitely bad enough.
I’m not an idiot. I can tell that you don’t like the advice. You don’t have to take it.I blink and look away before I finish, knowing where this is going. I’m sure it will be followed with a declaration of him taking his attention, and his tips, elsewhere. Good job, Blair. There goes your pancake money.
When I turn and refocus on the screen, rereading the message, it takes me a moment to realize I’m wrong.
You don’t have to take it. I don’t mind helping you when you need it.And I always make time for your stream. You’ll be alright one way or another, but I just don’t want you to get taken advantage of, since I don’t know what other men are sending you in their dms.
What the ever loving fuck? He sounds so… sincere. Like he actually gives two shits about my well-being, or about how I might feel after one of my shows. It sinks into me, like water against my skin, and I frown. I don’t know what to say, frankly, but ‘thank you’ doesn’t feel like enough.
It has to do, though. At least initially.Thank you, I tell him, and then add.But why do you care so much? I’m not trying to be mean or obtuse. I just don’t get why you do.
I can’t find it in me to flip back to the conversation with Mask while I wait. Instead, I sit there, eyes fixed on the screen, until another message lights up my screen.
I told you, didn’t I? You’re just so interesting and I can barely ever take my eyes off of you. I’d like to get to know you, though I don’t want to scare you off. And I want to do more than tip you a few dollars here and there.