“My main priority is Ben. If somewhere along the way I run into someone I want to go out with, so be it. But it’s not my goal. I don’t want to bring someone into his life unless I’m sure they’re going to stick around. I won’t do that to Ben. For heaven's sake, he still asks about his daddy and why he’s never come home to see us.”
Mama loved Julian. We’d been together for as long as I could remember - through fights, breakups, makeups, and everything in between. Like me, she was heartbroken when he left, but he needed to go. He’d been in love with cars, and there was rarely a day I wouldn’t find him under the hood of a car in his daddy’s shop.
Her eyes left me and drifted to Ben and Papa. “Have you heard about Luke?”
I canted my head, wondering why she was talking about Julian’s dad. “No, what’s going on?”
“Well, Sally, down at the grocery store said he isn’t doing well. Guess the shop’s been closed a few days during the week more than normal. Sally said Julian hired a live-in nurse to take care of him for the last month. Wonder what will happen with the shop if he passes.” My heart fluttered in my chest at the thought of Julian coming home. Would he come home? It’d been so long.
My chest constricted over what would happen if he did come back to Silverbell. My eyes immediately found Ben, and I bit my lip. Would I tell him about Ben? Would he find out? There wasn’t a single person in this town who didn’t know about him. Everyone had an idea that it was Julian’s child, and, honestly, I’m surprised word had never gotten back to him. I’m sure we were on the gossip grapevine when it came to Ben.
“Mama, Mama, Mama!” I heard his sweet voice amidst being lost in my own head over the thought of my first love coming home.
I heaved myself up from sitting beside Mama and walked over to the side of the boat where he was fishing, throwing my hands out to hold myself still as the boat tilted with the movement of the water. “What is it, baby?” I said, ruffling his hair.
“Dolphins, Mama. There’s dolphins out there. See!” He yelled, pointing, as one popped up to the surface. There was a whole pod of them frolicking in the boat's wake and jumping out of the water. We’d gotten lucky to see them. Most of the time, they were only seen in the early morning hours or later in the evening, avoiding the majority of the daytime.What did they do all day long?I pondered.
At the same time the dolphins were distracting us, Ben’s fishing rod started to take the line out. “I got a fish!” He jumped in glee, almost dropping his pole, a wide smile brimming on his face. “Pawpaw, look!”
Oh, to be young again, to see everything as a new marvel to explore. It was sweet to see his enthusiasm. He hadn’t been tainted by the world yet. I hoped he never got jaded.
“Okay, buddy. Be gentle pulling it in. We don’t wanna lose him off the line.” Papa stands behind Ben, helping him reel in the fish. Silvery green fluttered under the water, getting closer with each turn of the rod.
Papa grabbed a net and swiped the fish from the water. “A trout, buddy. That’s awesome.” Ben’s eyes lit up with excitement as Papa pulled the fish from the net. Ben wiggled around, clearly happy with himself. “Let’s get the hook out of his mouth.” He squatted down to show Ben how he was doing it. “You gotta be real careful when you do this, buddy. The hook is very sharp.” My son watched on with curiosity as Papa pulled it. Benji reached over to rub his hand against the fish, and then jerked it back quickly.
He scrunched up his nose and giggled. “It feels so funny!”
We spent the rest of the afternoon on the boat enjoying the wake from other boats, the cool breeze, and each other.
The dolphins didn’t resurface again while we were out there, and Ben only caught, and released, one more fish. As Papa pulled back into his slip at the marina, my brain started plotting out all the things I still needed to do for the day. The glamorous life of a single mom. Absolutely nothing was more exciting than cleaning the house, shopping for groceries, and doing laundry. I couldn’t help the chuckle that burst from my lips.
I jumped when Mama touched my arm, bringing me out of my own head. “How about you let Ben come home with us for a while. I’m sure Harley would love to see him. Maybe he can swim in the pool a bit.”
Ben must have overheard our conversation because he started tugging on my arm, little face giving me his best begging look. “Please, Ma?”
I sighed, never being able to say no to him. “Yeah, baby.”
“Yes!” He yelled, his little palm fisting into the air like he’d won the jackpot.
I wanted him to be able to spend time with his grandparents, and hearing that Luke was sick meant that Ben wouldn’t be spending much more time with him.
We’d come to an understanding over the years. He understood my desire not to tell Julian. Neither of us wanted him to return home out of obligation. We wanted him to live his dreams to their full potential, and then if that road brought him home at the end, so be it. If not, we would still live on. Luke loved my little boy, something fierce. An overwhelming feeling of sadness poured through me at just the thought of him never being able to see his second grandpa again.
I should probably go see him soon. If he was as bad as it seemed, I wanted to at least say my goodbyes to the man who always seemed like a second father to me. Adding it to myto dolist, I promised myself I would. And I intended to keep that promise.
ChapterTwo
Two weeks later, old man McCormick passed away peacefully in his sleep. I’d gone to see him the week before, only to find out that he’d been building up a college fund for Ben. Talk about a mountain of waterworks. He’d told me to take care of his grandson, and to help his boy when he came home to take over the shop.
I chuckled and played it off like he wasn’t dying. I didn’t want to finally admit it to myself, but I could see the truth in his eyes. He was ready to let go. It’d taken a few days to plan the funeral arrangements. There was an open casket on Friday night where many of the townsfolk came to pay their respects and say one final goodbye to a staple in our town.
The funeral was planned for this afternoon at St. Michael’s, and afterward he would be laid to rest beside his wife of forty five years.
Butterflies swarmed in my gut at the thought of seeing Julian. I’d heard he’d just gotten back to town this morning after racing across the country. What a sad reason to come home. It broke my heart. I couldn’t imagine how he felt, but if I lost Papa, I would be devastated.
My parents were coming with me to the funeral, and Kahlia offered to babysit Benjamin. Kahlia was seventeen now and helped me some weeknights and weekends when I would pick up a shift or two at The Shore Medical Centre - whatever it took to provide for my baby boy. Kahlia was a Godsend, truly. She was smart, sweet, and reliable. I could always count on her to show up and be on time. Which wasn’t like most teens in town who moved at their own speed. Benjamin absolutely adored her, and I knew she felt the same way about him.
She’d be here soon, and then I’d drive them up to my parents house. Mama and Papa said that they could stay there if Kahlia promised to keep a close eye on him around the pool.