“English isn’t my native language, although I’m quite fluent. Even the nuances rarely escape me. But I have no fucking clue what you’re saying.”
“What I’m saying, asshole, is it’s your job to figure out what she needs, and it’s probably not going to be under the first box you lift up. And even when you find it, it might not seem right to you. It might prick your conscience and test your humanity. She might need something from you that’s hard to give in the moment. Something that makes you believe you are the monster that you worry you are. She might need something that actually shames you. Imagine that. The all-powerful Antonio Huntsman ashamed.”
I know exactly the kind of monster I am. And so does she.“Not everyone sees the world through your lens. I’m not a Dominant, and Daniela’s not a submissive.”
“I haven’t spent enough time around her to know what she is, and I certainly wouldn’t trust your judgment in that area,” he snarls. “But you’re not a Dom. I’ll give you that. You’re an asshole like my brother. Why agree on rules upfront when you can make them up as you go along?” Gray shakes his head. “But you could stand to play by at least one of my rules. The hierarchy of needs. The golden rule.” He pauses his little lesson to take a breath.
“You’ve played in my club, so I know you’ve had training. But let me remind you. Her needs come first.Always.Before anything else. Before you go on some half-cocked scheme to help her, you check your gut and make sure you’re not just doing what’s easy—for you. You make sure those aren’t your own needs you’re satisfying.”
His words, with all their weight, fall squarely on my shoulders. I don’t buckle, only because I’m used to carrying heavy burdens. But it takes everything I have to stand straight and keep my head up like a man.
Gut check. Make sure those aren’t your own needs you’re satisfying.
“It’s easy to talk about but hard to do, and I don’t know if you’re up to it. But if you’re not, and you keep a woman to play with, who’s been through what she’s been through, you’re nothing more than an asshole who swings a limp dick around like it’s a slice of sweet potato pie.”
Satisfy my own needs. Is that what I did today when I tore through her boundaries? It’s not what I intended. Not really. But how the fuck can a man like me ever expect to put her back together again? Erase the damage and make her whole? What do I know about that kind of thing? I’m so goddamn selfish that I have no fucking clue where to begin to assess another human being’s emotional needs. Certainly not those of a woman who’s been dragged through hell—by my family. She’d be better off if I stayed away from her, and the kid, too.
That’s what she really needs. And I don’t have to do a gut check to know it.
21
DANIELA
After we say hello, Delilah leads me to the middle cabin, where Valentina is sound asleep. She looks like an angel. A sense of euphoria floods me, as I watch her chest rise and fall.She’s safe.My knees wobble, and I grasp the wall for support.
She’s safe.
I press my lips together and hold my fingers to my mouth. But I can’t stop the gush of tears as the sense of relief washes over me. I know it’s not over, but for now, my baby is here and she’s safe. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.Whatever it takes.
Delilah rests her hand on my arm. “I know you want to hold her in your arms, but we need to talk first. Once she’s awake, it’ll be impossible for us to grab a minute alone.”
After watching her sleep for a bit longer, I reluctantly follow Delilah into the forward cabin.
“Valentina’s tired, but otherwise in good spirits,” she says, keeping her voice low. “We distracted her as best as we could. She asked a lot of questions, and at first, she was apprehensive. The code word helped. Good thinking.”
The code word.The one we had for the kind of emergency that I hoped would never come to be. “What does she know?”
“We told her that Isabel couldn’t make the trip, and that you would give her all the details when we arrived. We didn’t breathe a single word about anything else.”
No, breaking her heart is my job. I wish there was a way to shield her from the pain, but I can’t think of a single one.
“Thank you.” I squeeze Delilah’s slender fingers. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you for bringing her to me. For keeping her safe.”
“She’s a great kid.”
I beam, like a proud mama, because despite what we told the world, inside me, where it counts, she’s always been mine.
“That guy out there.” Delilah jerks her head toward the door. “The one with the chiseled jaw and the blue jeans wrapped around his fine ass.Antonio.” Her brow crinkles above her clear blue eyes. “You sure you want to go back with him?”
Do I want to go back with him? Do I have a choice?
I peer out the door, at the man standing on the tarmac with the blue jeans wrapped around what is indeed a fine ass. The one who’s often misguided and ruthless, with the kind of power and determination that can keep Valentina safe.That makes me feel safe, too, even if it’s an illusion.He’s our best chance for survival. I’m sure of it.
“Yes.” I nod. “We’re safe with him.”Mostly.
“Are you sure? ’Cuz even from here, that man smells like trouble. I know, because I’ve got one of my very own. Men who look like that are always trouble,” she adds, under her breath. “If you’re not absolutely certain, you could come back to Charleston with us, where you can take some time to make the best decision for yourself,” she tips her head toward the inner cabin, “and for her. I have friends there. Good people. We’ll help you get settled.”
There’s so much I love about the US. But being back in Porto—even against my wishes—it’s home. And Antonio—he’s definitely trouble. Our path has been treacherous as we’ve traversed storm after storm. The wind is still howling, the sun isn’t shining, and the road is filled with snakes. But the pull I feel to him is like no other. In my heart, I know my destiny is with him.