“I,” I choked. “I bit him. I didn’t mean to. Caleb came home, and I was so happy to have him back. It just happened.” I whimpered, unsure of what to say because I didn’t want to sit here and rehash having sex with Caleb.
“Ren, are you telling me Caleb hurt you?” he asked slowly and so quietly that I knew Trey would kill his brother if Caleb had hurt me. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking kill him!”
“No! He didn’t…I, I’m only hurt…here.” I said, taking his hand to hold it to the place where my heart still beats.
How that was possible, I couldn’t say because I was pretty sure my heart was gone. Dead. Shattered.
“Ren.” Trey groaned, his eyes growing soft when I continued to cry and shook my head. “Did you…”
“I bit him.” I sighed, my eyes burning with tears I didn’t want to shed. “I didn’t mean to, but…well, I’ve been fighting it for so long, and in the heat of the moment, it just exploded. My wolf wouldn’t be denied anymore, and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t fight the instinct anymore,” I whispered, my chest aching with the loss that felt worse than anything I could imagine. “I knew if I told him, he’d pull back.”
“Ren…” Trey sighed, his eyes closing before I swallowed to get myself together.
“It’s not my fault. My wolf, she just knew. I don’t know why it happened now, but I suspected, and two weeks ago, I woke in the night and looked at him, and it clicked. He’s mine, Trey. My Fated.” I confessed, watching my best friend flinch and close his eyes, his hopelessness about as intense as my heartbreak.
“Oh, Ren. Caleb isn’t ready for that.” He said gently, his smile so sad. I swallowed more tears and nodded.
“I know. It’s why I was so relieved when he left last week to get away from me during the heat. I lose control then, and she takes over, and if he’d been home, I’d have lost it already. I thought I could handle it if the heat were over, but she’s so insistent.”
“And you bit him. Tonight?” Trey asked softly, sighing and dropping his head when I flushed.
“We were…you know,” I whispered, blushing furiously. “Everything was fine, and then suddenly, my wolf wouldn’t be denied a moment longer. She wanted her mate, Trey, and before I knew what was happening, she went for it and bit him to claim him. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, and I tried to fight it. He got so angry though, even after I told him that we were fated. He doesn’t want me and the fating, and it hurts. Worse than heartache. It’s like, I’m breaking apart.” I whispered, my heart pounding with the need to go back even as I refused to obey it.
I couldn’t ever see that disgusted, betrayed expression from Caleb, so going back wasn't going to happen. When he had looked at me, I was right back to my marriage to Shane and the anger that would always precede a beating. Caleb would never hurt me that way, but some wounds were worse than a beating. Some hurts cut so deep they would never heal.
“Oh, Ren,” Trey murmured, sitting down beside me and pulling me into his arms while I cried and heard Caleb in my head, denying me over and over again.
Rejecting me.
Hating me for nothing more than loving him. Why couldn’t I love him?
“What is it about me that makes me unworthy?”
“Nothing, Ren. You’re never unworthy.” Trey rasped, rocking me gently and kissing my hair. “I should go over there and kick his stupid ass for this. Goddammit, is he blind? You’re more worthy than any female I’ve ever known.”
But I didn’t feel it.
I didn’t feel anything but pain, and as my wolf howled within me, her whimpers of rage growing while all I felt was…
Hopeless.
“I’ll make you tea. No, don’t argue. You need the heat and the sugar.” Trey muttered, gently sliding me onto the sofa and walking away.
I sat there, hurting all over, and closed my eyes, just wanting a moment of peace. Instead, I was slammed into what I can only call...a vision? Dear God, it felt so real. I opened my mouth to scream as I fell, the weightless sensation making my stomach dip, my heart throb, and my wolf scream in fear.
“Oh, God. No.” I screamed, the cry coming out as nothing more than a choked breath of air.
I was going to die. Falling. Dying. Crashing.
“Ren? Ren!” I heard the sound echoing far in the distance before I was shaken so hard I gasped, and my eyes flipped open to see Trey standing over me, looking pale. “Ren!”
“Falling. I was falling. Dying.” I whispered, the fear of it still so present. I grabbed onto him and clutched tight to stop the sensation. “Falling.”
“Ren. Ren, are you okay?” he yelled, grasping me closer when I shook so hard my teeth chattered.
“Not okay. It keeps happening. How I knew Caleb was going to…how I knew I was going to bite him.” I whispered, my throat closing. “Don’t want it. Can’t…do this. Don’t want to know these things.” I whimpered, letting Trey rock me slowly as I related it all to him.
I told him everything as he held me. Told him about my life growing up, my parents and family hating me for it, shunning me, keeping me under their thumbs because in my pack, having the Dreaming was no gift. I told him about Shane and the happiness I saw with him until I realized that one moment of Dreaming had been a ruse, a trick played on me because it hadn’t shown me everything. Just the happy parts to fool me. I told Trey about me, about being afraid and lonely and needing love so badly I chose wrong. Falling silent, I let him process everything I'd confessed and called myself the worst kind of fool.