I should probably feel bad about what happened last night but how can I when she was so responsive in my arms? I wanted to take her right there, but I wouldn’t let some asshole come over and see her in that state. Nope, that’s for my eyes only. Now thatI know she wants me I don’t plan on letting up until I have her in my bed. We might fight like cats and dogs but that apparently just makes the chemistry between us off the charts. I didn’t think it was possible for her to be turned on as I was but those little gasps and moans she was making in my ear were a dead giveaway. I want to hear her moan while simultaneously cursing me.
Was I an asshole for getting her worked up and not letting her come? Probably. But I wasn’t lying, I wanted her to think about all of the stupid and reckless shit she did last night. I was so livid listening to her recount the night’s events that I could barely see straight. Hopefully that feeling of needing release will make her think twice next time. I mean, it probably won’t but it’s at least worth a try. If she keeps this up, I’m going to go prematurely gray.
“Do I have to go to school today, Uncle Carson?” I quickly shift my eyes to the rear-view mirror so I can see Oliver in his car seat and quickly turn my attention back to the road in front of me. He’s been a little quiet this morning, but that’s not completely out of the ordinary for him, he’s a quiet kid.
“Is something wrong? I thought you liked this school.” When he doesn’t respond I spare another glance to the mirror and see him blankly staring out the window. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong. Do you not feel good today?”
“They’re being mean to me.”
There’s a sudden tightness in my chest, this is the first time I’m hearing about someone being mean to him. According to his teachers everything was going well and I’ve never heard any complaints. He even seemed to be making a few friends. “Who’s being mean to you, buddy?” I keep my tone even so he doesn’t know I want to beat a five-year-old for being mean to my sweet and kind nephew.
“Elijah and Jacob,” he says quietly.
I scrunch my up my face in confusion. “I thought they were your friends.” Hadn’t he just said that a few days ago?
“Then I told them I didn’t have a mom or dad and they made fun of me.”
I can feel my entire body stiffen and suddenly I’m squeezing the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles are turning white. I have to make a conscious effort to relax so I can get more information. “What do they say to you?”
He’s still looking out the window when he quietly says, “That I must have been really bad if they left me all alone.”
There’s that tightness in my chest again. “You’re not alone, you have me and your Aunt Gloria who love you very much. Even if you were bad, we would never leave you, we can’t live without you now. You know your mom didn’t want to leave you, right?”
Finally his eyes meet mine in the rear-view mirror and I can see unshed tears fill his eyes. “She didn’t?”
“Of course not, Oliver. She loved you more than anything.” At least that’s something I know to be one hundred percent true. The first time I had walked through that shithole of an apartment they were staying in, I found his room. Sure, the furniture looked second hand but it was the only room in the entire place that was clean and well cared for.
After he was first put into my care, the social worker suggested I take him to the doctor to make sure he didn’t have anything wrong with him, which is always a possibility with a junkie for a mother. The doctor noted that, while he was small for his age, he didn’t show any indicators for fetal alcohol syndrome or any other ill effects from a drug and booze filled pregnancy. She must have gotten clean long enough to give birth to him, and I’ll be forever grateful for whatever strength she was able to muster to do that.
We’re only a few blocks away from the school so I pull to the side of the road then turn in my seat so I can face him. “She would be here with you if she could, buddy.”
“I don’t have a dad either.” What am I supposed to say to that? When I’d finally been able to obtain a copy of Oliver’s birth certificate there had been no father listed. Chances are pretty good it was her dealer, but it could have been anyone really. While anxiously awaiting the courts to grant me full legal guardianship of Oliver, I would sit next to his bed and watch him sleep, filled with worry that some man would pop-up out of the woodwork and try to take him away from me. When nobody ever showed up, I had the competing emotions of feeling heartbroken for Oliver and immense relief that he would be able to stay with me.
“I know you don’t have a dad but that doesn’t make you any less special. You have me and Ichoseyou Oliver, out of every little boy in the world. Do you know how happy I am to have you with me?” It’s true, it was a whirlwind in the beginning with all the legal issues and trying to get him to trust me, not to mention all the shit that went down with my job at that time. God, it was a good thing we got out of there.
Oliver is watching my face closely as he quietly asks, “Since I don’t have one, can you be my dad?”
Oh shit, there’s that tightening in my chest again, it’s so strong this time it threatens to hinder my breathing. There’s only one thing I could possibly say to that. “Oliver, if you want me to be your dad, I would be honored.” I blink away the tears that have formed in my eyes before they can spill out and clear my throat.
“What’s honored?”
I give him a wide smile. “It means that being your dad would make me really really happy. It’s you and me against the world, buddy.”
“You and me and Aunt Gloria?”
“Of course, Aunt Gloria, we can’t forget about her.”
“What about Bianca?” There’s a hard lump in my throat that I manage to swallow down. This is one of the reasons I never wanted to bring a woman around Oliver. I didn’t want him to get attached then have them disappear from his life like his mom did. How could I have known that he would take such an immediate liking to Bianca? I’d seen anything like that from him. I couldn’t do anything to protect him from her. Hell, I couldn’t do anything to protectmyselffrom her.
She burst into our lives like an out-of-control wildfire, beautiful but dangerous to both our hearts. I know, especially after last night, that I want her in my bed, but maybe there could be something more than that. I won’t make any promises to him though. We barely know her and she’s an artist. Aren’t they supposed to be unstable and flighty? At least that’s what I’ve always heard. I like things that I can observe, understand, and control. Bianca doesn’t fall within those perimeters.
“We’ll have to see about that, okay? Now,” I say changing the subject, “are you ready to get to school? I have a few extra minutes and I’d like to talk to your teacher. If Elijah or Jacob say mean things to you again I want you to tell her. It’s very important.”
“Okay, Dad.”Well shit.I suck in a breath and rapidly blink to keep my eyes clear before pulling back out into traffic.
Forty-five minutes later I pull back into my driveway, my eyes automatically seek out Bianca’s car but it’s missing from its earlier parking spot. I didn’t really expect to see it there. Not after those gymnastics she did trying to avoid me this morning, but it didn’t stop me from checking, just to make sure. She was gorgeous when she was disheveled last night but this morning, with her hair pulled back and her curvy body clothed in that tightblouse and skirt? She was every dirty librarian fantasy every boy has ever had.
I have to remind myself that she literally dove to the floor to avoid me. That’s not a good sign. Sure, she was into what we were doing last night but it doesn’t mean anything other than the fact we have great sexual chemistry. Like off the charts. But she’d also just been in a life-or-death situation and I know that can make people do life affirming things they might otherwise avoid. Awesome, now I feel like an ass that took advantage of her vulnerable state.