My chest heaved. That minor movement tore at my already tense muscles, and I’d felt like there was a single wire keeping my rigid bones from snapping.
Twenty-four hours.
I’d spent all fucking day searching for this answer, and at some point, the uncertainty had become a plague, and I’d become infected.
Violence had acted as my medicine, and I’d thought once I knew, I’d be cured.
I was wrong.
“El… Elijah?” Silas crawled off the couch. “Are you mad? You look really mad.”
“Yes, Silas. I’m mad.”Livid.
His head lowered, and every bone in his body seemed to sag. It was as if he was a balloon, and something had punctured him. He deflated right there, his joy leaving him as quickly as it appeared. Shuffling around himself, his hands started flapping, and through a curtain of his hair, I caught a glimpse of that lip between his teeth.
“Silas?”
I moved toward him, and though I was just seconds away from imploding, my rage took a backseat to his distress.
“Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart, and I’ll fix it.”
His head swept up, and I thought maybe there'd be tears swimming in his eyes, but there was nothing.
They were empty.Black.
“Silas?”
“I don’t want you to be mad at me. It… it makes me feel funny. My chest hurts, and I don’t like it. I don’t—”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at your father.” My movements were slow, and he tracked each of them as I made them. He offered his cheek to me when I reached for it, and I swept my thumb along his cheekbone. “I want to bring him back to life just to fucking kill him again. Slower, this time. He doesn’t deserve a headshot.”
“I want to watch.” His cheeks heated, and I pressed my thumb deeper into his skin. “I didn’t get to watch last time because nobody told me it was happening.”
“Well, baby, if I ever figure out how to make him breathe again, you can sit in the front row when I send him straight back to hell.”
“Mr. Thomas burnt him.” Silas huffed and tore out of my grasp. “Maybe I could watch you kill Hugh instead?”
“Sure.”
His jaw unhinged, and he let out the most adorable fucking sound I’ve ever heard. “Are you serious? I can watch?”
“Baby, don’t you always watch?” I laughed at the way his hips wiggled, as if he couldn’t fucking handle the excitement. “It’s your job to watch our kills. You’ve been watching for six years.”
“Not you!” His arms shook. “You always kill in the dark or in that stupid murder house. Mr. Thomas doesn’t have any cameras in that tin can of a building and there aren’t any close enough for me to hack. I tried hacking into your phone’s camera once but you always keep it in your pocket.”
I blinked.
“You’re the best, Elijah, and I’ve never had to cover up a kill for you. You’re clean, you’re smart, and you’re so fucking good at covering up what you do,Ican’t even find a way to watch you.”
“I…”
Words failed me for a moment, and I rubbed my hand across my mouth, twisting at my bottom lip while I sat in the shock of his outburst. The skin around my chest throbbed, but it wasn’t discomfort I was feeling…no.
It was something entirely more savage.
“You want to watch me kill, sweetheart?”
“Yes, please.”