For all his faults, Sully had been stripped of every mask he’d ever donned and his soul had been revealed. A soul I’d known existed the moment I saw him kiss Pika. A soul that would do absolutely anything to protect those he loved.
If he was alive…I had no doubt he would come for me. I didn’t have to second-guess or pretend our relationship didn’t hold the same value to him. The only problem was…he would come for me no matter the personal cost. It wouldn’t matter if he had one foot in this world and one in a coffin; if he still breathed…he’ll come.
And that terrified me as well as mollified because if he did chase me. If he once again put me over his pain, he might be sentencing me to a future I wouldn’t be able to survive.
Drake’s touch could never break me.
Drake’s rape, Drake’s torment, Drake’s ownership…they were just tremors in my life. Tiny earthquakes that had no strength to topple my inner towers or open giant fissures in my psyche.
But if Sully came…and if Sully lost…that would be an earthquake far too catastrophic to withstand.
But I need him to come.
I have to believe we’ll both be okay.
Ugh, stop!
I rubbed at my stinging eyes.
Focus. Get through this. Worry when it’s tomorrow.
Slouching in my seat, I once again fought the heavy weight on my eyelashes.
Sleep.
No!
Not with him next to me.
You have to sleep…you’ve run out of miracles.
My body knocked impatiently for rest, hammering on the door of my mind and slipping quietly past my worries to drag me closer to unconsciousness.
I wanted to sleep.
I needed to rest so my brain stopped being foggy and my body repaired. Sleep wasn’t just a luxury but a necessity, but how the hell was I supposed to close my eyes in his presence?
The idea of sleeping next to Sully had taken me time to accept…I could never be that vulnerable next to Drake.
Never.
My visions bounced as I struggled to focus. My heart continued to trip and skip. My head ached from being hit, and my limbs weighed five times their usual mass.
Sleep, Ellie.
No!
I gritted my teeth, fighting off the sleepy smog.
I looked out the oval window at the endless carpet of sea, clouds, and stars. The moon turned an otherwise dark vista into a silvery masterpiece, etching clouds, highlighting the world in monochrome.
If I could just focus on that…I can stay awake.
“Would you like something to eat?”
I whipped my head from the outside and blinked at an airhostess. She swayed a little in my sleepy stare.
I blinked again, stifling a yawn.
Where had she come from?
She held a tray with a foil-covered plate and a bottle of apple juice. She passed it to me, pulling a table from my armrest. “Here. You look exhausted.”
Everything was sluggish.
Scents of food wafted from the foil.
My stomach growled.
I might not be able to sleep, but I should nourish my body. I would do whatever it took to survive the turbulence that existed in my future.
I had no idea how long this flight would last or where Drake was taking me. I had some idea of what he’d do to me when we arrived, and I had a lot of fear over what state I’d be in once he’d had his fill, but all I could currently control was keeping my strength up, so I could fight when the time came.
Sully….
My appetite flickered as nausea returned.
The airhostess, with her carefully coiled blonde hair, murmured, “It’s beef ragu, my favourite. Enjoy.”
No…
My shoulders rolled.
I didn’t bother peeling away the foil.
Padding away in high heels so impractical for long hours in the sky, the stewardess deposited food to the mercenaries behind me, filling the cabin with the scent of dinner. The stench of cow flesh and slaughter.
I already battled sickness not knowing Sully’s fate. It increased tenfold as I swallowed, my stomach gurgling with revulsion.
I couldn’t sleep or eat.
What would I give to enjoy a spread of vegetarian fare from Sully’s gardens? What would I trade to sit on Sully’s deck overlooking Nirvana and share a simple, sweet veggie dinner with him?
Skittles would be there.
Pika, too.
Cal and Jealousy, goddesses and guests.
The world I’d tried to change suddenly no longer seemed so horrendous. I’d been so close to granting Sully’s freedom, so close to freeing his goddesses, showing him a happier way of life, and claiming my forever.
The hot afternoons wallowing in the sea were gone. The belly-clenching desire of lust was trivial. The ark of hoofed and winged creatures that Sully conjured whenever he touched me had all died a violent death.
Sully…
Please be alive.
I sighed.
But if you’re hurt…don’t come after me.
Don’t trade your life for mine.
Don’t be a hero.
Please…
With tears distorting the sky, I returned to staring out the window.
* * * * *
I’d fallen asleep.
For all my convictions that I could never let down my guard and be so vulnerable in Drake’s presence, the choice had been taken away from me.