“Why are you so defensive? Is caring about someone who isn’t Leslie really that painful for you still?”
I practically fell back as if shot right in the heart. “Jerry, how could you—”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out so angry. But, Ben, how long are you going to punish yourself for the actions of a mad man?”
“Why does this matter so much to you?”
Jerry rubbed the back of his neck, he did this when he was choosing his words carefully. “I care about you, Ben, and while I only spent a few hours with Crew, I could absolutely see why you gravitated toward him. He’s magnetic, and he’s crazy about you.” He stepped closer and his voice lowered. “And in all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never walked in on an escort and his client.”
He was right. I’d walked past a few rooms before and heard laughter or the rumblings of conversation, but never dared to interrupt. But I had been waiting for Crew to return and asked Raymond to text me when he was on his way. He did, but also mentioned Jerry was coming inside as well.
I freshened up quickly and rushed down to the library. I watched like a creepy stalker as they made their way into the study, relieved it wasn’t Crew’s bedroom. I waited until the door was shut to meander over and press my ear to the wood. They spoke too softly for me to hear and the longer I stood there wondering, the more it felt like ants were crawling on my skin. I needed to see what was happening.
As if my body was not my own, I’d turned the knob and opened the door. There they sat, apart, drinking. I felt like a fool and yet relieved at the same time.
“What’s your point, Jerry?”
“Hold your ground all you want, Ben, but if you’re a fool and pass up the opportunity for happiness with a guy who is clearly willing to trudge through your baggage, the rest of your days will be more miserable than they already have been.”
I stood stock still while Jerry’s gaze bore into me. He was unflinchingly honest and the most terrifying thing was, he was right. I had a chance to try to fill the hole in my heart, or I could let him slip away and simply exist.
“Choice is yours, Ben, because believe me, Crew’s already made his.” He patted my shoulder and went back into the study.
I listened as he told Crew he had to go and he’d had a great time. Crew was talking and the two laughed, but I remained bolted in place.
I was shaken from my thoughts when they exited the study.
“Good night, Ben,” Jerry said, and I watched as he walked away.
“Are you all right?” Crew’s hand on my arm steadied my drifting mind and warmed my chilled heart.
“I don’t think I am.”
Crew stepped in my line of sight, eyes filled with worry. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m a fool.”
The corner of Crew’s mouth curled. “Why do you think that?”
“You’re crazy about me.”
“That’s a bit presumptuous.” His brow quirked and the desperate need to kiss him was overwhelming.
“Is it? Are you not?”
“I might be.”
Hearing those three little words filled me with confidence. “Because I’m fairly certain I’m crazy about you. And there’s nothing scarier than that for me.”
He cocked his head; I could see how he examined my face. And without retort, he leaned in and captured my mouth. Worry, fear, and doubt all slipped away with the feel of his tongue tangling with mine. His breaths lingering with mine felt like new life being pushed into me.
When we parted, he held my face in his hands. “Just one night was never going to be enough for us, Ben. I don’t know what time has in store for us, but what I do know is when I woke up this morning, I knew I never wanted to wake up next to anyone else other than you ever again.”
“I’m scared.”
“So am I, Ben.”
“I suppose we can be scared together?”