He sat back and shrugged. “The way I see it, you needed to get all that…shit that was clogging up your life, out.”
“Crew, that…did you refer to my breakdown last night as relieving myself?”
“What?” His eyes widened. “Oh damn, no, that was a bad comparison.”
We both started laughing and I had to admit it felt amazing. I wasn’t sure what it was about this man that made me do things I’d simply stopped doing long ago.
“Look,” Crew said after we’d calmed down. “I can be your friend. You’re allowed to have one even if you don’t think you deserve it.”
“What makes you think I feel that way?”
“You’ve been punishing yourself for something that wasn’t in your control. You think you’re stuck in this life as penance or something.” He shook his head and sighed. “Nothing that happened was on you. My mom always says when you walk around half alive because you think you don’t deserve a full life, you cheat those from your past and the ones yet to know you. Maybe be the person Leslie loved. The dad your kids looked up to. You can be happy. I think they’d want that.”
After my family was killed I fell off the face of the Earth. Between all the life insurance policies and my own money I was easily able to disappear. At one point I sought therapy, but no one ever helped me like Crew was.
“Your mother sounds like a wise woman.” I didn’t want to tell him that while I appreciated the encouraging words, it was a hard pill to swallow.
“Scary too.” He snorted.
“I’ve never told anyone what I confessed last night. And maybe I am doing all those things you say. But the truth is, no matter how often someone might tell me not to feel a certain way, or that I’m walking around like a zombie, I’m going to wander through life how I choose.”
Crew released a big breath and stood. I watched with a furrowed brow as he came over to my chair. He spun it so I was facing him and then he got on his knees.
“I see you’re more a hands-on approach kind of person.”
“What?”
He didn’t say anything after that, he leaned in and I froze. The scent of his spicy cologne wafted around me and before I could register what was happening, his lips were on mine.
In that moment every thought escaped me. His mouth on mine was all I felt and while something niggled at the back of my mind that I should push him away, I couldn’t. He tasted like everything I wanted, and more than that, what I needed.
Crew Riley would be the life and death of me.
12
Crew
As much as I’d wanted to kiss Ben Asher’s lips from the second I saw him, I never thought it would be happening. But here I was, on my knees, my hands cupping his face, and the taste of him on my tongue.
“Crew,” he whispered, breath washing briefly over my wet swollen lips before he plunged back in.
His arms wrapped around me, and as if my body wasn’t my own, I guided him to stand, grabbed his ass, and lifted him into my arms. I carried him over to the long sofa and sat with him straddling me.
“I want you. All your broken, dented, and misunderstood parts,” I said when he lifted his head, exposing his neck. Against his flesh I pled. “Please.”
“I can’t…we can’t.” His words weren’t matching his actions. He said no, yet he gripped my shirt in his fists. I loosened my grip slightly so he’d know I’d never force him, but that made him hold on tighter.
“We are, Ben, I know you want me as bad I want you.” His eyes widened when I said Ben, but there was no anger, he was turned on. His hard cock pressed against my stomach, and I slid one of my hands over it, gripping gently. “Let me suck you.”
“I do want to.” He arched his back pushing his cock against my hand. “I never…not with the men.”
I understood what he was saying, he didn’t like the lines blurred. He never had sex with any of the escorts and even though he wasn’t verbalizing his main concern, I knew he never wanted to get close to another human being ever again, for fear he’d lose them.
“Just for tonight then, one night, Ben.”
Surely, he’d give me that. In my heart, I knew one night wouldn’t be enough and I hoped more than anything, he’d feel the same way.
With featherlike touches, Ben brushed over my cheeks, lips, and brows. Such a softness rested upon his face and a small smile adorned his swollen mouth.