I'm going to have difficulty sleeping tonight.
As much as I want to forget about Bella, it's going to be impossible to just force her completely from my mind.
But that’s what I have to try to do.
I rinse off and then get out of the shower.
Once out, I wrap a towel around myself after I dry off.
Then I go into my bedroom and just lay down to relax for a little bit.
I don't have any plans on falling asleep right away. Especially because I don’t want to dream of Bella and all the things that I wish could have happened between us, just like I always do, every night, and probably always will, at least for the foreseeable future, no matter how much I try not to.
Chapter 12 – Bella
I’m nine months along now, so it’s finally almost time for the baby to be born. It’s February now, and she’s actually due on Valentine’s Day.
Ever since the end of the fall semester, I’ve been staying with Janice at her parents’ vacation home.
They've been surprisingly helpful and have even been supporting me financially. They're so concerned about my situation that they’ve been treating me like their own daughter.
I'm so big now that I don't even fit into any of my regular clothes. Janice and I had gone shopping for maternity clothes a month or so back, even though I’d been trying to put it off, claiming I didn’t need to spend money on things I’d only wear for such a short amount of time.
She had insisted on it, though, and her parents had paid for our shopping trip. Now I’m glad I gave in, because otherwise I wouldn’t even have anything to wear.
Right now, as I sit on the living room couch, I feel like I'm going to pop. Janice is here with me, having taken a semester off of school as well, because she says she wasn’t enjoying it anyway and that it will be more exciting to help me with the baby.
I feel bad that she is sacrificing so much for me but I’m also so grateful for her friendship and support— and her parents’ too, of course.
My pregnancy has been going well. Physically, I have nothing to complain about. Emotionally, I just wish things could be different between Steve and me. I wish I could tell him about the baby and that he could be here with me, but I know that would jeopardize everything.
Football season is in full swing for him, and I don't want to ruin that. Plus, my brother has already practically disowned me for being pregnant and if he knew it was Steve’s, it would completely ruin their friendship as well.
I don’t see any need to do that, especially when I still haven’t even heard from him. I tell myself not to think this is some undying romance where we would risk everything to be together. Instead, it was only a one-night stand that meant nothing to him. Part of how I try to make it mean less to me is to move on from him, and that does not involve telling him I’m pregnant!
Maybe once the baby is here, I’ll let him know, since he and the baby deserve that much.
But not until then.
I try to put negative thoughts out of my mind and focus on the movie that Janice and I are watching. It was on pause but now she comes out from the kitchen with popcorn and drinks for us.
"Are you okay? Did you need anything else?" she asks me, as she hands me the bowl of popcorn and sets our drinks on the coffee table.
"No, I'm fine, really. You don't have to fuss over me every few minutes," I reply.
I take a handful of popcorn and eat it.
"Of course I do. You could go into labor at any moment. I always have to take care of you. You're my best friend!" she insists.
"You are the best best friend ever and I owe you so much," I answer as I rest my head on her shoulder.
She gives me a quick hug.
"You owe me nothing. This is what friends are for— especially best friends," she replies with a smile.
I pull away from her and we go back to watching the movie. I hand her the bowl of popcorn and we share it together. The movie lasts well into the evening. It's a two-hour romantic comedy and I’m glad for the chance to lose myself in cheesy laughter.
After the movie is over, the local news starts to play, so I stand up to stretch.