"Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine," I answer.
In truth, I’m happy she’s thinking about me because I thought she might say that Steve has a right to know.
If I keep the baby, I would agree he has the right to know he’s a father, although I have no idea how I would tell him. But while I’m still deciding what to do, I think it’s between me, myself, and I.
And Janice, of course.
So, I’m glad she seems to see things that way, too.
"Are you really sure about that? This is a lot to be going through right now, especially with you starting school and everything," Janice presses. “Maybe you could use Steve’s support to help you decide what to do. He’s always been like another brother to you or something. Maybe even like an uncle or father figure. He’s kind of like the dad you never had— not really, anyway— even though you do have a dad, technically…”
“Yeah, I get what you mean,” I tell her, holding my hand up to stop her from going down this twisted path.
I can’t believe I got knocked up by someone who is like a brother or an uncle or even a dad to me! Someone who has known me since I’ve been a little girl and who has always helped take care of me.
It’s so embarrassing.
And yet I also like the idea of carrying Steve’s child.
I have so many mixed feelings right now that I don’t know what to do. Except to listen to Janice’s advice and give it a little time.
“But this is one thing I can’t go to him about,” I continue. “This whole situation is very… unorthodox.”
“I understand but what are you going to do now that the one person you’d always turned to for support and advice is the same person you don’t want to tell about this issue?” Janice asks. “Are you really sure this is such a good idea?”
"Yes, I can handle this. Just trust me on this," I insist.
I’ve managed to weather six weeks without having him in my life or talking to him at all, I want to tell her, but I don’t.I guess that’s the price I have to pay for sleeping with my “uncle”!
But at least it was really fucking hot.
I’m choking back a smile and Janice is looking at me strangely, as if wondering whether I’m all right or if I’ve gone completely mad.
Because who would smile in such a time as this?
Only my crazy ass!
At that moment the front door opens, and my brother walks in.
Great, I think sarcastically.
"Oh, hey, Janice. Hey sis," Derek says.
He throws his keys onto the coffee table and then walks into the kitchen. Janice looks at both of us.
"So, I’m glad we could hang out and chat, and I’ll call you later," she says, changing the subject by getting up and waving goodbye to me.
I’m glad she has the ability to act nonchalant so that Derek doesn’t catch on to something being different.
"Yeah, great. I'll talk to you later too," I say, hoping I don’t sound too stupid.
I walk Janice to the door, where she gives me a quick hug before leaving. I shut the door behind her, thinking that I might as well lay the groundwork for future discussions with my brother, if necessary.
I walk into the kitchen, then lean against the counter while he rummages in the refrigerator for food. He begins making a sandwich for himself, laying out all the ingredients on the counter.
“You want one?” he asks me, as he goes to the cabinet to pull out a plate.
He’s probably wondering why I’m staring at him in silence unless I’m hungry, but I shake my head and clear my throat, telling myself to practice talking before he realizes how weird things have gotten.