“I don’t feel like I’m enough,” I force myself to say. It feels like I’m breathing through a throat full of razor blades. I swear Ican taste blood in the back of my mouth. “You’ve got Alice now. And the baby. I had sperm, now she’s got it. What use am I?”
“Do you really believe that?”
I let his question marinate though the answer is no. I don’t believe that. I’m used to being thrown away—but that’s not quite right, is it? Because I haven’t been used to that in years. It’s just old habits dying hard, and as I finally look up into Phoenix’s face, I realize I’m not spiraling the way I used to.
I love these boys so fucking much. Phoenix holds me steady. Ari offers me the chance to be wild. I worship Kane. Alice is the light of my life. I have everything I’ve ever wanted and more just on the horizon.
“I’m sorry,” I gasp. My throat feels thick now and full of tears.
Phoenix just shakes his head and loosens his grip, though he uses it to tug me to my feet. He grabs my wrist and places a wet kiss to my palm twice. Once for the hand I have and once for the hand Guido stole. “We’ve been caught up, and I know sometimes you need more from us.”
“Yes,” I say, “but it’s different now. It feels different.”
Phoenix laughs and tugs me closer, finally releasing my hair so he can wrap his hand around the back of my neck. He guides me into a kiss before breaking away to say. “I know. This time last year, we’d have had to tie you to the bed and whip it out of you.”
I shudder. That doesn’t feel like the worst idea, and maybe he can sense that because he laughs again and nips at my bottom lip.
“Don’t worry. Ari’s fetching supplies.”
I groan, surging into him, and he turns me, backing me into the bed. I fall hard with my legs spread, and he lets go so his hands can strip me down piece by piece. My boots go first, then my socks. My belt he lays next to me, which makes me groanagain, and he smirks as he goes for my leather jacket, then my shirt.
He takes his time with me then, fingers dragging over my pinked, flushing chest. He thumbs the piercings in my nipples, tastes the curves of my collarbones, drags teeth over the scars on my stump before paying the same attention to my other arm—all the way down to the fingers.
By the time he’s reached the waistband of my jeans, Ari’s there. My eyes crack open, and I can see him leaning against the wall with a little smirk, one arm crossed over his chest. He lifts the other, his hand moving toward his face, and he signs and mouths the word at the same time.
‘Beautiful.’
My whole body shudders, and I can feel the curve of Phoenix’s smile against my hip. “What did he say?”
“Beautiful,” I choke out, not quite sure I’m ready to believe him, but I want to.God, I want to.
Phoenix lifts his head and crawls up my body to kiss me as Ari’s feet make a gentle tapping sound as he crosses the room. His hands are warm, and his nails are sharp as they drag down my chest, then go for the button and zipper. My cock’s so hard now, and Ari takes it in a punishing grip, stroking me from root to tip as his other hand peels me out of the rest of my clothes and flings them to the floor.
“Please,” I beg.
Phoenix chuckles darkly and kisses along my jaw. “You can beg all you want, sweet boy, but you won’t get any satisfaction until we’re sure you understand your place here.”
To anyone else, that might have been a threat. It might have been degrading.
But in this moment, it’s exactly what I need to hear because I know what he’s saying without really saying it. I belong. Any other thoughts running around my head before that were justbullshit created by an ugly past and trauma that will never fully heal.
Phoenix’s sharp teeth take an earlobe, and then he breathes softly through his nose. “I love you.”
My whole body twitches. He doesn’t say it often. It’s a gift he hoards, saved for the most important moments, and I had no idea this would be one of them.
My God, I’m so close to losing it.
“Don’t say it again,” I beg.
He laughs into the next kiss, then pulls away to let Ari position me on my hand and knees. Phoenix slides off the bed and onto the floor, and then his fingers dig into my hair again, lifting until the spongey head of his cock is right there, pressed against my lips. He feels it with his fingers, tracing the shape of my mouth.
“So perfect right there for me,” he says. “Ari?”
I suck in a breath, then let out a heavy grunt when the belt hits the backs of my legs. The pain burns deep in the muscle because Ari knows exactly how to hit to maximize the sensation but minimize the damage. My precious, dangerous little genius. He hits me again, and I grunt, and Phoenix takes advantage of the fact that I’m distracted to pull on my chin, parting my lips, and then he slides his cock in.
It’s so fucking much. The feeling of choking on Phoenix’s dick while Ari plays with my hole between hits is almost overwhelming. The pain’s keeping me just on the edge of not coming, but the way he’s spitting on his fingers and slipping two inside of me threatens to ruin me.
I want to beg, but I can’t with Phoenix filling me. He gently moves his hips while one of his fingers rests against the corner of my mouth so he can feel exactly how much I’m taking. His cock twitches, so he must approve.