I study her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“To go from wanting ’til-death-do-us-part to no-strings sex is a dramatic change in mindset. Why?”
She fidgets with the bottle in her hand. “I’m not happy being lonely.”
“If you want companionship, get a pet before you go asking strangers to bang you.”
“I have a cat. Two, actually. I wanthumancompanionship, but I’m struggling to find that long-term. I figure I’ll settle for short-term if I can’t have what I want.”
She thinks casual sex is going to solve her loneliness? Kiera’s reasoning is completely irrational, and a nice guy would point that out and turn her away. But I’ve fantasized all afternoon about getting her under me. And I stopped being a nice guy a long time ago. Besides, I’ve already given her my word.
Shitty excuse.
I ignore the voice in my head. Does it really matter what motivates her to want sex?
Yes, damn it. It does. Kiera seems kind. She’s sweet. And she fucking works for me. I’d like to keep it that way.
“Any chance you’ve been dating the wrong kind of guy?”
She rolls her eyes. “If I wasn’t, I’d be married by now.”
“So you want to have sex without emotion because dating the wrong kind of guy isn’t making you happy?”
“Dating in general hasn’t made me happy. I just know that Kami has a busy sex life, and she’s always happy. I want that.”
It’s not my job to talk Kiera out of this crazy idea. The selfish part of me doesn’t want to. But the part of me with scruples I haven’t yet managed to snuff out hates to teach her something I’m worried will make her miserable.
“I think you need to sleep on this and decide if it’s really something you want to pursue.”
“What?” She frowns, her spine stiffening. “No, I already know. I do.”
“Really? If we continue, we’re going to have sex. I’m not going to hold anything back. You’ll have to turn off your emotions. You’ll have to focus purely on the physical. The next night, I’ll probably fuck someone else. You should, too.” Even if the mere thought of that pisses me off. “And you shouldn’t care who or what I do after you. Are you sure that’s what you want? Can you handle that?”
“Once you show me how.”
“Sweetheart, I can’t teach you how to shut off your emotions. All I can do is make you feel good, encourage you to ask for what you need, and help you focus on the pleasure. Sex between us will mean nothing to me. For this to work, it needs to mean nothing to you, too.”
“I know, and I can do it.” But we haven’t done it yet, and she already sounds sad.
Raking a hand through my hair, I tamp down the guilt I shouldn’t be feeling. It has no place between us. But I can’t. Apparently, I’m an idiot…and a nicer guy than I thought.
With a sigh, I take her hands. “Kiera, go home, sleep on this for a night or two. Think long and hard about your reasoning and apply that to who you really are emotionally. I can’t make your decisions for you. But I want you to be very sure about this. The sex will be good.” Hell, I suspect it will be fucking amazing. “But if that alone doesn’t make you happy…I don’t want to be the reason you’re sad.”
“But you said you wanted to do this.” Tears fill her eyes. She glances at me, conflicted and bewildered, as though I rejected her kiss at the end of a date. Then she tears her gaze away.
Fuck, that expression hurts, but it’s proof positive Kiera thinks more with her heart than her head.
“Oh, I do. Make no mistake. But only once I’m convinced you won’t regret me.” I set my beer on the counter, relieved that Ian looks far too busy to notice me. Then I lean in and kiss Kiera on the forehead. “Good night.”
Kiera
“I tell Jonathan I’m all in, and he tells me to go sleep on it?” I rant to myself as I try to decompress in my hot bath.
Usually, I find a steaming-hot soak relaxing, but after the day I’ve had, nothing I do seems to turn off my brain.
Who does this guy think he is? Well, besides my boss. But he agrees to help me on the condition that I help him, and then doubts that I know my own mind? It sounds sexist.