I made a face.
"Did you already see it?" she asked eagerly.
"No! Oh my god, Lynn, stop obsessing over his cock."
She snorted. "Fine, I'll let the topic go. For now," she emphasised. "But if you want my advice, ride that vicar all the way to Heaven."
"Stop with the biblical references," I groaned, putting my head in my hands.
"Not a chance," she quipped. "So …do youlikehim, or is it just a sexual connection?"
"Yes," I sighed, dropping my hand and giving her a warning look. I wouldn't answer many more questions; this was private. Precious. "I like him. He's kind, and he genuinely cares about people. Things feel a little bit okay when I'm with him."
"Plus that beard would feelveryinteresting between your legs, huh?"
I shoved Lynn. Hard. But I was laughing, and it felt so good.
I missed Astrid fiercely. I was scared she'd take one look at me and know what had happened, but maybe that would be okay? Lynn knew, and I had a feeling Vienna did, too.
I just needed to tell Astrid in a way that didn't make her think it was her fault. She couldn't know Anatoly and Mads had picked me up so I'd lead them to her. I'd takethatfact to my grave.
"Thanks," I said, putting the empty packet of ham in the bin. "I never want to talk about this again, but thanks."
Lynn tipped her glass at me. "Don't mention it. Seriously. If word gets out that I've been nice and givenadviceto someone, my whole reputation will be shot to hell."
I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm going to bed. See you later."
"Eat something more than ham, moron," she huffed, and thrust two Lunchables at me.
Lunchables which contained cheese … andham.
Amused, I accepted them and retreated into my room. At least I felt better than when I'd entered the sanctuary; tonight's sleep had to be better than last night's.
15
Luna
Iwoke up some time after dawn with a raspy cry, clawing at my throat to get the collar off. Covers tangled as I thrashed, still trapped in the dream until my nails scraped over bare skin.
"Shit."
Sharp panic ate all my air, and I dropped my hands to my chest, pressing hard as if it would fill my lungs. I managed to drag a breath through gritted teeth when an eerie wave of coolness swept through my body, muffling the thrashing in my chest with a pool of calm.
"What?" I gasped, relieved but confused.
I climbed out of bed, the creak of the mattress reminding me too much of the mattress where Anatoly—
I wasn't strong enough to think the word anymore.
With shaky hands, I tore the curtains open and stared out at the long stretch of grass outside my window. There'd be a familybarbecue there later, but I couldn't bring myself to think about that gathering now. I needed space, not people surrounding me.
Mostly, I needed to get out of this room, where so many nightmares filled the four walls. I turned on the red giraffe lamp and hunted down my shoes and coat, not bothering to change out of the neon purple pyjamas ChaCha had gifted me.
I went to grab my phone, and froze.
"Right. Still no phone."
I needed to ask Priest or Prodigy where it had ended up. I knew the bikers had found it—that was how they'd tracked me down. I’d feel safer with my phone. Not by much, but any sense of safety was precious and rare now.